Jinju

Korean Adventure (October 4, 2002 Chautauqua)

Jinju is a small (pop. 350,000) town to the southwest of Daegu. It is a very clean, pleasant place to visit. On the walk from the bus station, my friend G (who I met on the ferry to Japan) and I were offered sunny smiles from many of the school kids we saw.

The North Gate of the fortress.

The town is on the river Namgang, which makes a wide upside-down U through the town. Even though the summer season was over, there were a few people taking out the Duck Boats, and enjoying the breeze. There were some clouds that threatened, but held off until the evening.

Cannon-fired projectiles that probably really hurt.

The main attraction in the town is the fortress Jinjusanseong. It covers a fairly large hillock on the north side of the river. Included on the grounds are a few Buddhist temples, as well as a National Museum.

The fortress walls, covered with ivy.

The walls of the fortress have been restored, and there are many paths to follow around to the various attractions.


The fortress was built during the years of the Goryeo dynasty (100 - 1000 AD), and partially destroyed during the Japanese invasion of 1592 - 1593. It was here that one of the major battles of the campaign was fought, in which some 70,000 Korean soldiers and civilians lost their lives. The wall was rebuilt in 1605, and these remains are there today. They look pretty good for 400 year old walls.

You see these crews all over the place. I used to think they were some kind of groundskeepers, but they're actually scrounging for greens to put on the supper table. See how they protect themselves from the sun.

Overlooking the river is Chokseongnu, a large pavilion which was used as an exhibition hall for the poetry of the times. It was burnt down during the Korean War.


The roof of the museum.
The museum devotes its exhibits to pieces detailing the period of the Japanese invasion. These include some pottery, and some impressive paintings and drawings. The detail on some of them is very intricate. There are also exhibits of poetry books, which look very old. Koreans have a good appreciation for poetry, and some are translated and printed in the English-language paper that I read (The Korean Herald).

The main exhibit was some detail of the invasion, and how the battles were fought. If you can imagine hordes of samurai, battling their way up and over castle walls, trying to avoid spears, arrows, and boiling oil, you might get some idea of what it was like. There is one mural showing the defense of the fortress. There are huge crowds of samurai surrounding a little fort with only a few defenders. I was reminded of Custer's Last Stand, or the Alamo.

The cemetary - these steles rest on turtles - good luck charms.

There is a memorial to the dead, and some statues of heroes from the battle.


General Li, who dies during the fighting, is posed with his finger pointing at the viewer, as if to say, "I want you!" The other hero is a woman, Madame Kim. She is revered for sacrificing her own life and killing the Japanese general. She lured him close to the river's edge, clasped him to her, and threw herself in. She locked her hands together with special rings, so that he could not escape her embrace.


There are some very old trees which date back to the invasion, as well. They are marked as being the sites for defense of the fortress. One was where General Li stood, and another shadows the spot where Madame Kim made her sacrifice.

Namgang Dam
After the fortress, G and I visited the dam above the city. There is a resort area there, but we were happy enough just to sit on the grass. Real grass is at a premium over here, and there are not too many areas where a person can just sit and enjoy the cool feeling.

Before we left, we enjoyed a meal in one of the many restaurants downtown. For a small town, Jinju has a lively restaurant/nightclub area.

A monolith up by the dam.

I got some of the facts for this article from the "Lonely Planet" guide to Korea. It is indispensable for the traveller. There are many useful tips, and good advice on how to get where you're going, and what to do (and eat) while you're there.

If you look closely, you can see a pillbox guarding the base at Jinju.
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Jinju was a pretty cool place to visit. At the time I went there, I only knew it as the place where the girlfriend of an American teacher I knew lived. He was a hound. He had two girlfriends, and it was a chore making sure neither knew about the other.
I returned to Jinju a few years later to see a live show. It was fairly popular in Korea, but I can't recall the name right now. It was about a family of martial artists who're visited by thieves one night. They each dispatch a thief with an amazing display of a particular aspect of the martial art.

Living In Korea

Korean Adventure (September 20, 2002 Chautauqua)

I'm going to try and reflect some facets of my life here, in the hopes that they may complete a picture, and show what I am experiencing.
I live in a one-room flat, in a three-story building. The other foreign teacher at my school has her apartment next door. Most schools provide the apartment rent-free, and all the teacher has to pay for is the utilities and the TV. As you walk in the door, there is a small area to leave your shoes. It is impolite to walk into a Korean house with your shoes on. I like to walk around in my slippers at home and at work. It is very comfortable.
I have a fridge, which is fairly large compared to other fridges I have known. Opposite is the sink/stove/cupboard area. It's all one unit, and that's my kitchen. I've gotten fairly good at preparing delicious meals on a two-burner gas range. It's pretty standard for most Korean households. Ovens are a rarity. Most Korean dishes are prepared without one.

One of the roads up to my con-apt, which was a block to the right. I did get a lot of what Flint calls 'Christers' visiting my con-apt. I was never as... curt as Flint was, but I did learn to shut the door on them after a while.

I have a TV/VCR unit, and I am limited to watching movies or whatever programs are part of the American Army's channel. They get most of the shows that are part of the lineup I was used to, but they can be some months behind. They have no paid advertising, but a lot of service announcements that let the soldiers know what's going on in their area. There are a lot of reminders about what it means to be a soldier. These are produced by the soldiers themselves, and some of them can be a little amateurish. I get a lot of laughs in this way.
The bathroom is a tiled room, with a toilet, a tap with showerhead attachment, and that's it. There's a drain in the middle of the floor, and that's where all the water drains. I've gotten used to washing my hands while standing back from the tap. It will be strange to return home and get used to water that drains "normally."

The street leading up to my building, which was on the right, the last building but one.

There are taps in my bathroom that would usually hook up to a washing machine. The other teacher has to deal with this, but my washer has been installed in the "back room," which is like a storage area. I have no dryer, and I take care of that job by hanging my clothes on a rack, which is standard issue for most teachers' apartments. Some buildings have a tap out front, and I have seen some Koreans using this to wash their dishes and their clothes.
I was really lucky to have a double bed in my place. Most flats have single beds (my first one did). Koreans, of course, sleep on the floor, and one of my friends (tired of the cramped and lumpy single) has switched to this with satisfactory results. I also scored a microwave, which comes in handy when I want to cook up some popcorn. That is one of the snacks that I really missed when I came here.

There were two busy streets that I had to cross on the way to work. North of this one was the neighbourhood where my con-apt was situated, which was mainly three-story one- and two-room buildings. South was full of those huge blocks that marched off into the distance.

Koreans don't usually eat popcorn. They have some... different...flavours for their chips, too. Some of them are really spicy, and can cause your tongue to dial the fire department if you're not careful. Some of their chips are sweet-tasting, as well. I remember a comedy sketch from a while back about a man who gave a snack bar attendant fits by asking for "Raspberry Ripple" flavored chips, and so on. He would have got on well here.
I live approximately fifteen minutes away from the school (by foot). There is a big hill behind the building, where I like to go hiking on the weekends. The trails are well maintained and travelled. Hiking is a favorite activity for many people, and there are camping areas that feature equipment for the serious hiker. You can do chin-ups, sit-ups, play badminton; there's even a set of barbells to do some press-ups.

This is the second busy road I had to cross. Right on the corner, almost at my feet as I took this picture, there was always a pile of tofu for sale. It sat on the corner every day, absorbing the exhaust fumes, burps and farts, narrowly missing being spat on by some mook. I... never really liked tofu after that.

The area I live in is predominantly three- and four-story apartment buildings. There are a couple of private dwellings, but these are scarcer than hen's teeth in a space-premium country like South Korea. I imagine you have to be wealthier than Croesus to afford a private dwelling. Surrounding the neighbourhood where I dwell, is the main living space for Koreans, the high rise, which go on for miles. I tried to get a picture that would show these buildings stretching to the horizon.
I pass through these on my way to work, and they are like little villages. The buildings are about 15-20 stories high, and about 10-15 apartments wide. They each have their own little strip malls, and "police" forces to keep an eye on traffic. There is a lot of foot traffic going through, mostly mothers with their kids in hand. Foreigners have a lot of eyes on them.

The building where my hagwon lurked. The PC room I used was across the street. The hagwon's name was New York, and the lobby featured a mural of the city skyline featuring the twin towers of the World Trade Centre front and centre. I worked here the year after 9/11, and it was always a little jarring to see that photo every day.

I've heard that this type of dwelling is more expensive than the one I live in. They don't seem much different inside, and I'm not sure I would want to live in an area so crowded, with people on either side, and on top as well as below you. You have to deal with a substantial loss of "personal space" when you come to Korea. There is no such thing as waiting patiently in line for anything. It's every man for himself, and don't be afraid to use those elbows.
Still, there are perks. I use a computer at a "PC Room," and the owners have gotten very good at arranging for a monitor away from the smokers. I get a nice comfy chair, and an iced tea. Being served in a restaurant is a pleasant experience, and you get a lot of "service" (free stuff!) if you become a regular.
And the beer! Ah, the beer. Their draft comes in inexpensive pitchers that always taste like another one. A night out with a group of teachers looking for a way to unwind can go on for a long time, with no appreciable dent made in your wallet. Most bars like to try and sell you a side dish to go along with your beer, and it's not unusual to see a table of Koreans enjoying a nice array of ... fruit?... to go with their beer. Or if that's not to your taste, you can always try the seaweed. Dip it into a little soy sauce. Mmmmm.
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I've had a couple of hagwons try to get away with just supplying me a beer fridge. They look at me strangely when I tell them I need a regular sized fridge. When you consider they have fridges just for kimchi, I don't think it too much to ask.
I remember in my first year, my roommate's girlfriend kept kimchi in the fridge, and whenever you opened the door, the smell would hit you like a punch in the face.
I was always impressed with the relentless way Koreans exercised. I was never able to get motivated enough to follow their example. I'm flabby and out of shape, and I would be of no use in a crisis. I thought, 'Either get in shape or hope there is never a crisis.' I always hoped there was never a crisis.
I remember going to one teacher's wedding. He invited me up to their con-apt. They were just moving in. The place was chock-a-block with all the newest appliances and electronics still in their boxes. It was too bad when she gave him the boot the day after the wedding, but he deserved it. He romanced a foreign teacher and then dumped her on the advice of a fortune teller.
What a douchebag.
I almost lived in one of those highrises during my third year, but was lucky enough to get a solo con-apt. For me, it's the only way to go.
I still didn't have a 'puter, and I didn't get one until my third year. The PC room I used in my second year was a pretty good one, and the owners were very nice to me. But having your own 'puter is the bomb. I was really happy when I got my first laptop.
This neighbourhood was in West Daegu, and the local bar we went to was called Elvis. More often than not, the waitress would insist we order a side with our pitcher. I got to like the dried squid with peanuts. You could dip the pieces of squid in mayonnaise, or hot sauce, or both. Mmmmmmmmmm.
But getting used to the side dishes that most Koreans took for granted was difficult for me. I missed the usual salty snacks that we get back here in The World. There were a few places that served popcorn, like the Hollywood Bar in Cheongju, but then you'd go to a place like The Berkeley in Daegu, which served squid-flavoured crisps.
Eurgh.

Pusan

Korean Adventure (August 16, 2002 Chautauqua)

In my first year of teaching here in Korea, I spent the last six months at a school in the small coastal city of Changwon. I really enjoyed my time there as the school was well organized, and most of the people who worked there were really nice.

I went down to visit them on July 19th. It seemed like they were happy to see me, and we had a good visit, catching up on old times. It was interesting to see the kids that I used to teach in the morning were now attending in the afternoon. I guess they must have graduated from pre-school to elementary. It was kind of like watching my own kids grow up.

I was treated to dinner that night, to a meal advertised as a traditional Korean dish, galbi jjim. It was a great deal like my mother's beef stew, and I ate a pretty good portion. My old director picked up the tab, and he was even nice enough to treat me to a motel room that night. There are some very nice people down there.

The next day, I was off to Pusan, to visit a teacher I met on the ferry to Japan. My first stop was a motel, so I could drop off my stuff. An indispensable part of my journey here is the "Lonely Planet Guide." It gives some useful information about the country you're travelling in, including budget places to eat and stay. The motel I decided on was fairly cheap, with an...interesting atmosphere.

The bed was round. I think that might give you an idea of what sort of clientele the place catered to. There was even a vending machine in the room. The logo read: "Love Calling." Now, I am a world traveller, but sometimes I come across aspects of a foreign society that remind me that in many ways I am still a kid from the prairies.


My next stop was the ancient Geumjeongsanseong Fortress on top of a mountain. You get up there via cable car, which rises up through a sea of evergreens to a height of 540 metres. The contrast of forest and crowded city is startling, especially once you reach the top. It was almost like being back in the mountains of Banff National Park, it was that quiet. Fortunately it was a clear day, and I could see all the way to the port, and the Sea of Japan beyond.

The Busan World Cup Stadium. You can see how hazy it is. There were some clear days, but a lot of the weather looked like this.



There is not much left of the old fort, just some crumbling walls, almost hidden by the green growth of the forest. The gates have been restored and are impressive sites to see.


There are hiking trails that lead all around the outside of the remains, and it can take a day to see everything. A planned tour will end up at a magnificent Buddhist temple of Beomeosa.



I met my friend at Haeundae Beach, which is the most famous beach in Korea. There are international hotels, and many western-style eating and drinking establishments. My friend and I consumed many beers at a seaside beer garden, before going in to enjoy a curried dinner that just couldn't be beat.

There is one thing about travelling in Korea - it is fairly cheap and efficient. Buses, trains, and taxis are all well within the budget of anyone and everyone. There are even "standing room" tickets available for the trains, which are sometimes the only tickets available if you do not plan ahead. In no time at all, I was back "home," ready for the next trip.
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One of the teachers at my old school asked me why I came back for a visit. Her question was asked in an aggressive manner, like she suspected my motives.
Maybe she saw the unbridled lust I had for my old supervisor, I don't know.
When I was on the cable car going up the mountain, there was this ajumma who took a shine to me. Maybe it was my beard, or my Batman shirt, or my sheer animal magnetism.
Most Korean women have a hard time resisting.
When I visited my friend on haeundae Beach, he introduced me to Dongdongju, for which I will be forever grateful. As Flint always says, I love dong... dongju.

Gossip

Well, there's always gossip, isn't there? The passing along of information about people you may or not know is at the same time good (who can't resist?) and bad (if you're talking behind their back). It's a pretty big business when you consider TV shows like "TMZ" and "Entertainment Tonight."
So let me tell you what I heard...

The "Chinook" troop carrier

During my first year in Korea, my co-worker Blondie became involved with an American soldier I'll call Mr. Bill (Oh noooooo....). Blondie, as you can imagine, was very popular. I remember once when our gang went to the nightclub at the Ariana Hotel in Daegu. She got invited to a table full of Hennesy reps and was given all the free samples she could drink.
Daegu had at least three U.S. bases, so there were many opportunities to run into and party with the G.I.'s. There was a club close to Suseong (where we all lived) called "Morrison's" (after Jim Morrison). The cover was 15,000 won, and for that you got all the beer or soju you could drink. I stuck mostly to beer, but there was a variety of flavoured soju available, as well.

The versatile, and venerable, "Huey."

I remember one night trying to drink 15,000 worth of alcohol. I made it, but just barely. And I didn't keep it for very long.
You may think 15,000 may not have been very much, but at the time you could get a jug of draft for about 6,000 or 6,500. Beer was (and still is) really cheap there.
In downtown Daegu, there were lots and lots of drinking establishments. There was the Rock 'n Roll Bar (sadly out of business), Old Blue (which featured two rooms: one devoted to jazz and the other devoted to rock - again, sadly out of business), the El Toro (which had a big patio and an even bigger St. Bernard wandering around), the Berkeley (which also had a patio and a trickling fountain), and the Gypsy Rock.
The Gypsy Rock's original location was a basement room just down from the El Toro. It was the favourite of a lot of G.I.'s. The walls were bare cement covered with graffiti, and the furniture was crude wooden tables and stools. When the place was arockin', you couldn't move. I imagined it was what the Cavern would have been like when The Beatles were playing there.

The "Loach," a light reconnaissance 'copter.

The Gypsy moved after a year or two to newer premises. The dance floor was in the basement, and the upper two levels were open in the middle so you could look down and see the dancers crammed together. The new premises were larger, but you still couldn't move when the music was playing.
So somewhere along the line, Blondie met and fell for Mr. Bill, who was a helicopter pilot. They look very happy in the few pictures I have of them.
Because she knew a soldier, he could sign us into the base and shop for certain items at the PX. He got us a turkey for Thanksgiving and a barbecue to cook it with.
We also got to go to the base for the open house and see a lot of cool military hardware (pictured here).

The Apache, Mr. Bill's 'copter.

But they didn't stay happy for very long.
Their intention was to get married until Blondie found out Mr. Bill was already married. His wife was living in the States while he served his tour of duty in Korea.
Blondie was heartbroken, but she still pined after him. She did two years in Korea, and then went to Mexico. I eventually lost contact with her. She just lost interest in replying to my e-mails, I guess.

As part of the show, Mr. Bill took off straight up into the air, spinning around, and taking off like a bat out of hell.

I later heard that Mr. Bill may or may not have been killed in a helicopter crash. I also later heard that he may not have been married at all. The crash and the marriage stories may have been invented just to give him an "exit strategy" in case any woman got too close.
This was just one story about some of the people I met while I was in Korea. I know many more. Ah, gossip.

Living In Korea

Korean Adventure (June 7, 2002 Chautauqua)

A foreigner, coming to Korea to teach English, is a bit at sea on first arrival. It's a foreign country, where people speak a different language. If you don't know anyone, there's only the staff at your school (or "hagwon") to rely on. Sometimes this can be a blessing, as I have met some really good people over here.
I remember when I first got off the plane, I was met by my director and his assistant, who oversaw the teaching staff. They loaded my luggage into the car, and took me for a drive through the nighttime streets of Taegue. Korean cities at night remind me of Las Vegas somewhat. It's not quite that gaudy, but it's close. Koreans like a lot of signage on every available space. The neon lights and banners with the strange symbols are everywhere. It's pretty, but you don't know what they mean.

The street entrance to my second con-apt building.

Eventually, we arrived at the apartment I was to share with another teacher. I was so tired after travelling, I just hit the sack for a couple of days. Most hagwons provide their teachers with housing. Some of it is shared, and some teachers are provided with a place of their own. The apartment I was sharing had an entranceway, where all shoes are left. Koreans only walk around in special house slippers, and leave outside shoes by the door. It's very bad manners to wear your shoes in the house.

The courtyard inside the street entrance. The door into the building leads to a hallway. My door was the last on the left.

The common areas of the apartment were the bathroom, the TV room, and the kitchen. The bathroom had a sink, a toilet, and a shower attachment on the wall. There was no tub, and there was no shower curtain. There wasn't even a drainpipe attached to the sink. The water just emptied onto the floor, and down the same drain as the shower water. I had to get used to not keeping my feet well away from the sink when I returned to Canada.

The door to my con-apt from the inside. The "kitchen" is to the left.

In my last two apartments, I have not even had sinks, just a combination tap and shower sticking out of the wall. It's a bit odd at first, but you get used to it, and even enjoy the space that a whole "shower room" affords. There are even separate slippers that you wear in the bathroom, just to keep your feet out of the water that's there after your shower.

The door into my bathroom. Just a toilet and a tap/shower attachment.Note the fan in the lower right corner. This was just before they installed an air conditioner (my first in Korea).

Sometimes the washing machine is installed in the bathroom. I haven't lived in an apartment like that yet, but I know people who have. One girl even had an electrical outlet almost directly beneath her shower head. Yikes!

The door to the storage room at the rear of my con-apt.


Inside the storage room, with the washing machine in the foreground.


The modern Korean dryer, the latest in technology!

The television is an adventure, as well. There are about 70 channels. Most of them are Korean, naturally, but there are a few movie channels that show English films. There are also American sitcoms shown on various channels. "Friends," "Third Rock," "Seinfeld," and "Married, With Children" just to name a few.

The TV in my second con-apt. The bulge on the top is a VCR. This is before my first computer and the joys of downloading.

There is also the Armed Forces channel, which shows all the regular programming available back home. There are no paid commercials, just service announcements that the GIs film themselves. Some of them are fairly amusing in their amateurishness, and we all get a good laugh at the (unintentionally funny) antics of the American Army.
The kitchen area has a fridge, some counter and cupboard space, and a two-burner gas range for all of our cooking. One of the things I have missed over here is baking or roasting some of my favorite foods. But Korean cooking is very good, and I have no problem with the local delicacies.
Now, the school looks after the rent, but the teachers are responsible for their own utilities. This means TV, water, electricity, and gas for the cooker. There is also a fee for the oil heater. This heats up water for the underfloor heating system (called "ondol"), and the sinks and shower. Unless the school's troubleshooter instructs you on its proper use, you can have trouble getting enough hot water. I remember we had that problem until we figured out which buttons to push, and what dials to turn. Since then I have had no trouble with getting enough hot water.
The only rooms left in the apartment were the two bedrooms. My first roommate had the bigger of the two, which I got when he moved out after one month of our sharing the place. I got another roommate a few months later, and he was a good guy. We really got on well, shared the cooking, and hosted some good parties. Since then, I have had only single apartments for myself.
Next time I will talk about shopping, cinemas, and beer. Mmmmmmm, beer.
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I remember that first nighttime drive. It seemed everywhere I looked, there was a flourescent orange cross. I wondered just what I was getting into.

I Hate Rectangles

Styles come and go. In the Eighties, glasses used to be huge. There was enough extra lens for at least another pair. And then, in the nineties, glasses got smaller. They became these little rectangles that reminded me of the pair that Roger McGuinn of The Byrds used to wear.

I bought that style, and wore it for about 10 - 15 years.
When I became a public school teacher in Daegu, the teacher at the school closest to mine had pretty much the same pair. We also shared the same goatee, but there was not too much else that we shared. He was taller, thinner, and had more hair.
Let's call him Ass, because let's face it, he was one.
Halfway through the school year, the department in charge of the foreign teachers in Daegu, the DEIEIO, took us all to Angang for the day. Ass didn't make the trip. Somebody had to sit it out, and he drew the short straw. It was a great trip and we all had a terrific time.
BUT...
When I was getting off the bus at the end of the day, the (Korean) head of the DEIEIO said to me, "Goodbye, Ass!"
At first, I thought, "Do we really all look alike to you?"
He was properly apologetic when I gently pointed out that he had mistaken me for another babo waygookin, and we all went back to working harmoniously together until they fired me for trying to kill a Korean English teacher.
Before my year there was over, I decided to change my looks. Not because I would have to go on the run, but I had been brooding after that Angang trip, and I decided I didn't want to look like an ass.
So I shaved off my goatee and went glasses shopping. There is an underground mall in downtown Daegu where there is a huge section chock-a-block with Ankyong (glasses) Marts.

I decided to go for some circles, not because I was a fan of Harry Potter, but because I was a fan of John Lennon. I even brought along a picture of him wearing his iconic "granny" glasses, just in case the clerk didn;t understand my lousy Korean.

I showed him my prescription, requested my style, and it seemed like no time before I was walking out with my new specs. They cost me, frames and all, only 50,000 won.
Affordable eyewear is one of the things I loved about Korea.
I continue to wear my circles, but I notice that I haven't started a trend. Everybody else is still wearing those fucking rectangles, and I'm really starting to get irritated. Did you ever look at somebody wearing them and want to rip them off and stomp them into the mud? Tune into Global Calgary's evening news program and take a look at the male anchor, Gord Gillies. A more squint-eyed ferret-faced little git does not exist. And those fucking rectangles! Does he really think he looks good?

I snort in disgust and roll my eyes.
Well, until the rest of the world catches up to me, I guess I will have to go my solitary way. So far ahead of my time, I'm starting to catch up with it again.

The Top Ten Ways To Amuse Yourself In Korea

Korean Adventurer (May 3, 2002 Chautauqua)

The Top 10 Ways to Amuse Yourself In Korea

This list was sent to me by my friend, Blondie. It provides some insights about what life in general is like over here.

10.) Play chicken with cars on the sidewalk. This is a fairly common occurrence. Koreans park just about anywhere they damn well please. Cars, motorcycles, and bikes take advantage of any opening anywhere, road or sidewalk, to beat the traffic. I remember walking home from the store the other night, and I heard an engine behind me. I was almost up to a space between two other parked vehicles, and I didn't bother moving aside, as I thought the space was too small for the following vehicle to pass through. I was startled to hear the motor continue close behind me. I looked, and was confronted with the smallest car I have ever seen. It gave new meaning to the word "compact".

9.)Order Steak and Potato with Fiddleheads at EVERY Korean restaurant. I'm not exactly sure what this means, as I've not had this particular delicacy. I think it makes reference to the fact that "fiddleheads" can make you sick if you're not careful. It's not really funny, as there was a story in the "Korean Herald" last week, saying that the food in six different fast food chains (KFC and McDonald's among them) had tested positive for staph infections in the foods. Bad news for westerners who do not like Korean food.

8.) While sitting in a public spot, pretend to catch a fly with chopsticks. Celebrate loudly. Koreans are intensely interested in everything we westerners do, and do not hesitate to stare when they so you. They also like to examine the contents of your shopping basket. It's nothing hostile, just innocent curiosity.

7.) When something is said by one Korean to another that is slightly amusing, laugh hysterically. Don't stop. Well, this is just plain mean. Hee hee hee.

6.) Stand outside a Korean electronics store where the TVs are playing. Pretend to understand every word. Again, just mean. The kids in my school get very excited when I display any knowledge of their language, and it is difficult to stop them from testing me, and turn the lesson back to learning English.

5.) Remind a Korean man that he is short. Do this repeatedly. Be prepared for an a** kicking. It's true that there are a lot of short people here, but they are also very thin. One of the first things that struck me when I returned home last year was how many obese people there were, myself included. Most Koreans like to get out and do some regular physical activity, for which they should be commended. Also, there are quite a few who are as tall, if not taller than some westerners.

4. Convince them that both of your parents are Korean (oh yes, it can be done). The trick to arguing with Koreans is to remain calm at all times. Once you lose your temper, you've lost the argument.

3.) Wear Japanese flags. The Koreans really are very touchy when it comes to anything Japanese. A person who makes a reference to the "Sea of Japan" will be provided with the correct title, the "East Sea". There has always been some tension in their relations. Last year it was some textbooks, approved for use in Japanese schools, that did not deal adequately with Japan's conquests and behaviour during it's Imperial phase. It only just got smoothed over when the Japanese premier paid a visit to the shrine for Japanese war dead. Some of those memorialized are considered war criminals over here, and the visit has cast a pall over the upcoming joint Japanese/Korean hosting of the World Cup.

2.) Go to the cinema. After the preview for a Korean film, pump your fists in the air and yell, "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THAT!". Actually, there have been some very good films made here recently. A few years back, a film called "JSA" won an Academy Award for best foreign film. It was a tense thriller about a South Korean soldier accused of murdering some North Korean counterparts. Another film, called "Friends", dealt with four rookie firemen that featured some thrilling firefighting scenes.

1.) Fix something. It always seems like there is something to be done when foreigners move into their (school-supplied) apartment. Usually, it's fairly simple to make it seem homey. My friends and I have managed to make our places comfy enough to be a close substitute for "home". We are convinced that we are the only ones to take the time and trouble. Some of the people we've had as room-mates have been less than...clean. Oh well, it takes all kinds, I guess.

Anyway, there is a lot more to tell about life in Korea. I hope I have not rambled on too long, and I hope you look forward to the next installment. Until then, anyong assayo (Peace be with you).
________________________________________

Ask Flint about the shopping basket thing, and then duck.
My description of the movie "Friends" is erroneous. It's actually about four Koreans who grew up in Busan. One became a cop and another became a criminal, with tragic results.
I remember helping Mick and Jane clean an apartment after another teacher had left. The filth was indescribable. I remember scrubbing layers of grime off of the tile in the bathroom and wondering how anyone could stand it.

Stig's Second Year - The Adventure Begins

This column originally appeared in The Chautauqua, and describes my return to Korea for another year of Morning Calm and Afternoon Difficulty.

Korean Adventure (April 19, 2002 Chautauqua)

I took off from Calgary on Monday the 8th. It was cold and there was still a lot of snow on the ground. As I write this, it is raining in the city of Taegu, South Korea. Saturday was brilliant sunshine, just really nice. I had been in the country about three days by then, and I went to visit my friends, who were holding a "Welcome Back" BBQ for me.
I rode the bus across town, for almost an hour-and-a-half. The Koreans have some pretty good roads, and some are dire, and you have to sque-e-e-e-e-e-e-eze your way through. The problem with the good roads is that everybody uses them at once, so sometimes traffic can be frustrating. You can always amuse yourself by watching someone head for the sidewalk and scatter some pedestrians.
Anyway, I finally got to my friends’ place. Allow me to introduce them. The one that's been there the longest is Mick Dundee, an Australian from Perth, who was my roommate from March until May last year. He's a good guy, down to earth in that way some Australians have.
Then there's Blondie Bumstead, a Canadian from Ottawa. She gets loaded with all the dumb blonde jokes we can lay on her, but she's really smart and funny.
The third person is Jane (who's last name escapes me), who turned up after I had left. She's pretty quiet (like me), but can surprise you with a quip, and has a passion for all the candy she can get her hands on.
All three have apartments in the same building, so they're pretty close to each other. You have to have someone to rely on and trust when you're this far away from home, and these guys are the best.
The Koreans have these cunning little BBQs, that hold small charcoal bricks that ignite with the touch of a match. Or that's the theory. Sometimes they just smolder, and only slowly build up enough heat to cook on. We had a pretty ordinary western type of meal: steaks, salad, potatoes, washed down with beer. Just a group of friends catching up, and relaxing from a week of teaching the kids at school.
Aaaaah, the kids. A story for another day...

My new school was in I-dong, which is on the west side of Daegu, while my original posting (and my old friends) were in Jisan-dong, waaaaaaaaay in the southeast corner. I would visit them there maybe once a month, but usually we'd meet downtown and go to the Rock 'n Roll Bar, or the patio at Berkely.
You know, I look at pictures of the old gang, and remember that these were people that I was quite close to at the time, but now we've drifted apart. I hear from one of them, maybe once a year. The others just stopped responding to my e-mails.
It's a shame.

The Pill

I only had two room-mates in the ten years I was in Korea (whew!). The second was a pretty good guy, but the first, who worked with me at my first school, was the worst!
Imagine a depressed, angry, paranoid individual and multiply him by ten. That was the man I'll call The Pill.
When I arrived in Korea, my director, Mr. Kim aka The Kimmer, and his assistant James dropped me off at the apartment I was to share with him. We chatted for a few minutes, and then The Kimmer left, and I turned to see if all of my bags were in my room, or something, and when I turned back, HEY PRESTO! There was a Korean girl standing next to The Pill.
It turned out to be his girlfriend, who I will call Two-Na. She had been hiding in The Pill's room while the director was there. I wondered why.
The Pill started to reveal somewhat about their relationship (and his nature) as we walked to the school that first day.

This was the building our school was in. It occupied the fourth and fifth floor. The name of the school was "Wonderland," which is a fairly large franchise in Korea. There motto (prominently displayed everywhere) was "Everyone Smiles In Wonderland." I ended up working at three different Wonderlands. One was good, one was okay, and one was very bad. I suppose I was lucky in that I got the one that was very bad out of the way first.
One of the reasons this school was very bad was because of The Pill. As we walked there on my first day, he began talking about it (and its director) as if it was the bane of his existence. He felt that they were always spying on him, and that they didn't believe foreigners should be "involved" with local girls, and that is why Two-Na was hiding that night. I could see that he was in a very bad place, and it coloured my perception of my new job.
I had expected to receive some kind of training before I would be expected to teach. I think that this belief came from things the recruiter said. I didn't know at the time that recruiters will do and say anything until they drop you off and get their money, and then you are on your own.
My "training" consisted of following one of the other teachers around for a couple of days before being asked to do it on my own. Apparently The Kimmer and his aides felt that a person completely untutored in managing a classroom could absorb enough knowledge to do it alone in that time. Eventually I became comfortable in the classroom, but those first months were filled with terror that began as soon as I walked in and continued until the end of the day.
Besides The Pill, there were only two other foreign teachers at the school, who I will call Dolly and Marty. Both were Americans. The Pill was a Canadian who had moved to Texas at some point, and he constantly talked about how great it was there. I began to consider him as an American as time went by.
Marty's contract was up at the end of December (I started with about a week left in November), and he was counting down the days like he couldn't wait to get out of there. Dolly seemed happy enough to be there, and I believe her contract had until the following summer to run. The Pill's was about the same.
Dolly did a runner within two weeks, however, and after Marty left, The Pill and I were left to handle the workload alone.
The head Korean teacher was a man named Jay, whose job it was to look after the curriculum and any questions a teacher might have about it.
The disorganization of the office became apparent almost immediately. The books were crammed helter-skelter into shelves. Supplies were sometimes available, sometimes not. Teachers were given a basket with which they were to carry their supplies to whatever room they were teaching that day. Each class had its own room, and the teachers were to go to them rather than have them come to the teacher's room. There was only one school I taught in that allowed us teachers to set up in our own room. It was brilliant, and I missed that at every other school, which all asked you to "chase the students."
My poor performance as a teacher eventually revealed Jay's real role, which was to blame the foreigner any time anything went wrong, and heap abuse on them until they felt like shit. If a parent complained, or a student wasn't being coddled, Jay would descend like the wrath of God on all and sundry. It didn't help that I knew my skills were non-existant, and my performance was shite. There was no way I could defend it.
But what did they expect? They knew I was inexperienced, and they hired me anyway. Did they expect me to turn into a good teacher overnight? According to the Korean government's parameters, I was qualified enough to be allowed into the country to teach English. I knew I needed more experience and that I would not be able to be effective in the classroom without more training. I expected to receive this training from the school, but I did not. When my performance suffered as a result, who was to blame?
It didn't help that as time went on, living with The Pill became more and more difficult. His paranoia eventually brought him to include me among his many enemies, and he began to take every opportunity he could to be critical of anything and everything I did. When he saw me reading my Bible, he quoted the verse in Matthew that admonished a person to go into his closet and study privately. When I ate the last portion of rice left in the cooker, he reacted as if I had stolen the last bit of food left on the earth. I liked my toast darker than him, but he expected me to reset the toaster after I had used it to his own preference.
When we returned to the apartment at the end of the day, he and Two-Na usually closeted themselves in his room, and did not interact with me at all. I was left to my own devices, and expected to be out of their way if they wanted the apartment to themselves.
The Pill was very protective of her, and he revealed why about a week after I had arrived.
He told me she was pregnant with his child.
I did the math, and this must have been accomplished about a month after he had arrived in Korea. Fast work!
He was pestering the Kimmer for his own place, and as our relationship deteriorated, I began pestering the Kimmer, as well. It had gotten to the point where we passed each other without speaking, even in the apartment.
When he moved out, I fell to my knees and thanked God in Heaven above. Deliverance!
But the Pill had one last trick to play on me before he left my life for good.
New teachers eventually arrived, including another male who became my room-mate. He was an Australian who I'll call Gargamel. Two British girls named, um, Carol and uh, Di, as well as a Canadian girl called... Barbie rounded out our group. Life actually became bearable after these people arrived. They actually knew how to converse with other human beings. They were willing to explore Korea with me, and they were more than willing to have a good time.
Within a few months I began to enjoy my time in Korea, and my job as well. It helped to have somebody to talk to and lend a helping hand, as well as commiserate regarding the daily helping of bullshit we all had to eat.
At the end of May, all the Wonderlands in southeast Korea were coming together at a conference in a hotel on Haeundae Beach in Busan. Each group of foreign teachers had to make some kind of presentation about lessons/lesson plans. We came up with a skit about making a car and teaching the kids about directions. The Pill didn't contribute too much. He made a dramatic speech at one of our meetings that Two-Na was experiencing complications, and he had to be there with her. Then his mother died, and he had to go back to Canada to be at her funeral.
All lies.
Our presentation actually came in second at the convention and we divided a cash prize amongst ourselves. It was a bittersweet time, because I was about to leave that Wonderland and start work at another in Changwon.
Our school had six teachers and their school had five. The Kimmer explained that we had one too many, and they had one too few. I was elected to make the move.
I don't know why he picked me. Maybe he thought I was the weakest teacher, and the school'd be better off without me. It would have made more sense to oust The Pill, as he was the outsider in our group. We all worked well together and got along, whereas he separated himself from us as much as possible.
Maybe a smarter man could have figured out a way to convince The Kimmer of this, but I was not that man. His mind was made up. He didn't want The Pill to go. He wanted me to.
The weekend after the convention, The Kimmer and Gargamel loaded up my stuff into The Kimmer's car and drove me down to Changwon.
On Monday, The Pill did not show up to work. He had pulled a runner, and now The Kimmer had to find someone to take his place. He didn't ask for the other Wonderland to send me back, but went about recruiting someone else.
The Pill had fucked me over but good. The times he said he was looking after Two-Na he was looking for another job. And the trip home for his mother's funeral was actually a trip to Seoul to interview for that job.
I have never seen The Pill since that time, in spite of my intense desire to meet him in a dark alley and find out how many pieces I can carve him into. I have to content myself with the knowledge that every day of his life he is going to wake up, look in the mirror, and realize he will always be what he is, a complete and utter waste of skin.

What The... Cho-ah?!

Readers of this blog might remember a story about mook vocabulary. The word "mook" was used for the basis of what the usual mook has to say, with various expletives thrown in. Anyone who begins to understand Korean (and Korean profanity) realizes sooner or later that it's fairly widespread among the population - even the kids.
Last winter, Flint and I added "cho-ah," the Korean word for cold, to the average mook conversation. It was, and is, their habit to constantly comment on the cold, whether it was to say, "It's cold," "I'm cold," "They're cold," "It's so fucking cold," etc., etc., etc.
I wondered, as winter turned to spring, what the mooks would say instead of "cho-ah." Would it be "tta-ttu," (warm)? Or "i-go," (hot)?
No, I have learned, they still say "cho-ah."
What the kimchi?
The hagwon where I work has an ancient air conditioning system that barely stays ahead of the heat and humidity. When the clasroom is full of 10-12 students, things can become... uncomfortable.
There is one room that is equipped with an extra wall unit, but I'm only in there twice a week. My favourite days to teach.
And the teacher's room gets pretty cool, as the teachers are not there during class. During break, it's a nice oasis for me, but every Korean teacher who walks in says "cho-ah," as soon as they feel the A/C hit them.
It's like it's still winter for them.
The room with the extra A/C unit gets positively chilly. If I crank it, even I begin to feel uncomfortable. I try to keep it at a point where both myself and the Koreans aren't distracted by the temperature, but I'm beginning to think this is impossible.
Arms will get withdrawn into t-shirts, so it looks like I'm teaching a class of amputees.
There's always at least one kid who mutters "cho-ah." Sometimes they'll say, "Alan, cold!" to which I reply, "No, I'm not."
Never let an opportunity go by to either teach them proper English, or torture them.

Year 1 - The Unmentioned Co-Workers

I was going to title this The South Africans but I know South Africans aren't all as bad as the two douche bags I worked with in my first year.

I haven't mentioned two of my co-workers from my first year. They were memorable but not for good reasons.

They were an aunt (Maria) and her nephew (Paul). They started before I did and the others actually thought thery were a couple at first. She got him the job, and a fake degree in order for him to qualify to teach in Korea.

I prefer to have peace in my workplace. So I try to get along with everyone. Sometimes you run into people that you just can't get along with. That would be these two.

Together or alone they were assholes.

We had a foreign staff meeting every Tuesday. The school had 6 foreign teachers. One teacher had to present how they would teach a chapter of one of our text books each time. They would work as a tag team to build each other up, at the expense of others. Or if they weren't presenting to tear others down in such a way as to make them look good.

Once at a teachers meeting Paul went off about how some of his stuff was missing from the staff room. (The staff room was ALSO a classroom. We never left anything important laying around because the kids WOULD go through the shelves. Before I got there someone left money and it vanished.) He said that he knew it wasn't the Korean teachers or children who took. Mind you he never actually checked into that he was trying to suck up some brownie points by implying Koreans don't steal and could be trusted. The one who did should confess. Basically, it must have been one of the foreigners. His stuff was just some glue and coloured pencils. Odds are one of the kids took it because he was stupid enough to leave it there.

In another staff meeting they were perturbed and upset because the "other" teachers don't always say "Good Morning" to them.

After I finsihed chuckling I smiled and said that I ALWAYS reply when someone says good morning to me. But if they expected good morning back they would have to wait a long time. It is morning. There is nothing good about it. I ALWAYS acknowledged their good mornings with either a "morning" or "Hi". If that wasn't enough too bad. (NONE of us were morning people, and I don't give fake sappy "Good Mornings" to anyone.)

One of our co-workers was from Mauritius. His skin tone was Indian. Dusky. I don't usually bring up peoples skin colour but it is relevant to this. These stupid fuckers actually tried to explain, with the use of a white board, how he was not black but coloured. And how you could break down the skin colour group. They felt he should know this because a student had told them he was black. God only knows what they told the student about him.I guess they were missing the apartheid system where they were number 1.

Maria was a piece of work. One of the most two-faced conniving people I have ever worked with. Toss in her feelings of racial superiority and it could get disgusting at times. Oh, and add some religious zeal too. Pretentious would be a good word to describe her.

She would always try to make herself look better at the expense of the other teachers. She even lied about what country she was from to students, saying she was from England.

We went to the Cheongju National Museum once. She spent some time prattling about the potential Koreans have but will never attain because they are heathens and the way they think. Constantly refering to them as "these people".

One of our receptionists and I became friends. This bitch started a rumour at work that I was in love with her and chasing her. She had a boyfriend and I wasn't chasing her. This sort of juvenile crap is what the bitch would pull all the time. Unfortunately, some of my co-workers fell for her lies at times. They should have known better. They worked with her longer than I did.

She was always talking down to Koreans and putting on fake airs with the students. The students didn't like her (or her nephew) as a teacher. You would hear her everyday giving a loud "Hello, How are you?" that just dripped of fakeness. I can't duplicate it in writing, but when I mimicked it to him, Stig actually cringed.

Paul, he dripped sleaziness more than anything. Just like his aunt he was good at always trying to get ahead at other peoples expense.

He would also tell people he was from England. Mind you he also lied so many times about what his degree was in and where it was from that even the Korean kids were starting to catch on. When he finally settled on a degree he actually made it up. He claimed to have a Master's Degree in Business Leadership from Oxford University. No Bachelor degree, but a Master's in a degree that Oxford's website said they didn't offer.

Sometimes he would talk about his job in South Africa before coming to Korea. If it was really his job. He would talk about working in a prison with glee. Especially when talking taking prisoners to be executed. He would get RIGHT into that role. Trying to show you how they spoke, walked/marched to the chamber, strapping prisoners in for their execution. Watching them die. He seemed to love talking about that in particular. Odds are it was just another one of his lies ubt it seemed like a fantasy he enjoyed.

Then there were women ... or rather girls. His comments would range from creepy to extremely sleazy. He would oogle the young girls. You could almost see him drooling as he leered at them. (Years later a taxi driver would remind me of Paul.)

And I mean girls. Once he saw a 1st year middle school girl in a short skirt and scoop neck t-shirt. His jaw dropped to the floor. The drool was running. She was like 13? 14? Looked like she should be in Elementary School.

The kicker for me was when he told me "his plan". He wanted to work in Korea for a few years so he could save up enough money to go to Vietnam. He wanted to go there because he heard you can buy women cheap. The first thing I thought of was that he meant hookers. He didn't. He went on about owning a couple of women. He may have just been bs'ing but with the way he acted and his sense of racial superiority ... ugh. I had enough of him.

Even the adjumma's could sense his sleaze factor. They would always try and switch classes if he was their teacher. The rest of us would have a lot more classes than him and his aunt.

Somehow, our boss found out he had a fake degree. He was gone the next day.

I have met many people during my sojourn in Korea. Most aren't that memorable. Some are. These ones are but for bad reasons. They are the kind that give all foreigners a bad name with Koreans and each other.