Stig's Second Year - The Adventure Begins

This column originally appeared in The Chautauqua, and describes my return to Korea for another year of Morning Calm and Afternoon Difficulty.

Korean Adventure (April 19, 2002 Chautauqua)

I took off from Calgary on Monday the 8th. It was cold and there was still a lot of snow on the ground. As I write this, it is raining in the city of Taegu, South Korea. Saturday was brilliant sunshine, just really nice. I had been in the country about three days by then, and I went to visit my friends, who were holding a "Welcome Back" BBQ for me.
I rode the bus across town, for almost an hour-and-a-half. The Koreans have some pretty good roads, and some are dire, and you have to sque-e-e-e-e-e-e-eze your way through. The problem with the good roads is that everybody uses them at once, so sometimes traffic can be frustrating. You can always amuse yourself by watching someone head for the sidewalk and scatter some pedestrians.
Anyway, I finally got to my friends’ place. Allow me to introduce them. The one that's been there the longest is Mick Dundee, an Australian from Perth, who was my roommate from March until May last year. He's a good guy, down to earth in that way some Australians have.
Then there's Blondie Bumstead, a Canadian from Ottawa. She gets loaded with all the dumb blonde jokes we can lay on her, but she's really smart and funny.
The third person is Jane (who's last name escapes me), who turned up after I had left. She's pretty quiet (like me), but can surprise you with a quip, and has a passion for all the candy she can get her hands on.
All three have apartments in the same building, so they're pretty close to each other. You have to have someone to rely on and trust when you're this far away from home, and these guys are the best.
The Koreans have these cunning little BBQs, that hold small charcoal bricks that ignite with the touch of a match. Or that's the theory. Sometimes they just smolder, and only slowly build up enough heat to cook on. We had a pretty ordinary western type of meal: steaks, salad, potatoes, washed down with beer. Just a group of friends catching up, and relaxing from a week of teaching the kids at school.
Aaaaah, the kids. A story for another day...

My new school was in I-dong, which is on the west side of Daegu, while my original posting (and my old friends) were in Jisan-dong, waaaaaaaaay in the southeast corner. I would visit them there maybe once a month, but usually we'd meet downtown and go to the Rock 'n Roll Bar, or the patio at Berkely.
You know, I look at pictures of the old gang, and remember that these were people that I was quite close to at the time, but now we've drifted apart. I hear from one of them, maybe once a year. The others just stopped responding to my e-mails.
It's a shame.

Mook Of The Week

This week's mook is the woman standing in the middle of the intersection. I was stopped at a railway crossing, waiting for the train to pass when I spotted her.
There is a bus stop at this intersection, but passengers usually wait back where the truck is, just behind her. And of course, it's out of the street.
There's also a crosswalk, but it's a little further along the main road that I was on. Traffic was stopped, so she could have crossed any time she wanted. But she just stood there, staring off into space.
You can see another vehicle behind her, approaching the main road. It had to edge around her and past the truck in order to join the main flow. I don't know why the driver didn't give her a blast of his horn to get her to move. Maybe he was in a fog, too.
Fucking mooks.

Mook of the Week

Only enough pics left for three more Mook of the Weeks from Korea.

This time we will be looking at a very common mook in South Korea. The red light running mooks. It doesn't matter whether there is on coming traffic or not these twits will still run the red.

Often, just as they start to run the red, they will beep their horn repeatedly. Or they will put on their four way lights. (I was always told they were the hazard lights as you put them on when you have to stop because of car problems.) In Korea they seem to be used at any time the driver is going to do something stupid. Anything from just stopping in the middle of the street or running a red light.

One of the biggest dangers I encountered while driving in South Korea was these assholes. So many times they would run red lights while I was proceeding on green. Sometimes I would follow them and tell them off.

This particular mook was even stranger than the usual red light runners. He actually stopped for the red light! No one was coming the other way so he kept inching ahead into the crosswalk. Then he just drove through. No mook warnings either ... no horn blasting or flashing of lights. It isn't a long light, in fact about 2-3 seconds after he raced through it changed.

If you are ever driving in Korea beware the red light running mooks.

Mook Of The Week

This week's mook is whoever put the sidewalk in across the street from the elementary/middle school in Oksan. The street that runs past my hagwon runs another block south before ending in a T-intersection at the school. The sidewalk was installed running east and west from that intersection. Railings were put in place to separate the sidewalk from the street, and the usual signage about looking out for kids was added. There're speed bumps on the road as well, encouraging everyone to take it slow where children are apt to be crossing the street. Not that it slows the mooks down very much. I mean, if you're a stupid shit-for-brains moron with no more brains than God gave a tree stump, why would you slow down for a speed bump, or a sign, or a child in the middle of a crosswalk?
That's why the sidewalk was a great idea. It gives the kids a kind of a refuge from the mooks going past.
Except...
the sidewalk (east and west) STOPS in the middle of the block, forcing whoever is using it back out onto the street.
What the kimchi?!
Who installs half a sidewalk?
A mook, that's who!

Mook of the Week

I dug into my archives for this weeks mook. This one involves stupid parking AND driving through a crosswalk.

I was sitting inside the Dunkin Donut's near work, it has no patio :(, watching the mooks go by. I noticed an SUV parked ON the sidewalk in front of the bank.

After about 15 minutes I noticed a guy walk between it and the bank. It was hard to tell if he was putting something in the passengers side or stopping to have a whizz. He did look very mookish so I wondered if it was the SUV driver. I was right, he came around and hopped in the drivers side.

Then he proceeded to back up while people were using the sidewalk, and standing around the crosswalk waiting for the light to cross. (I didn't get pictures of that as I was shooting video of it.)

Of course he only had one way of getting off the sidewalk without driving over the curb. That was by driving through the crosswalk.

Being a mook he didn't bother looking to see where pedestrians were when he started backing down the sidewalk. Nor did he pat much attention to the cars on the street when he pulled out into the crosswalk and onto the road.

Sadly, this type of behaviour was fairly common. The stupid parking and not paying attention can all be seen on a normal day in South Korea. The driving through crosswalks I saw at LEAST once a month.

A sense of entitlement, horrible driving skills, and oblivious to those around you. You sir are a classic mook.

What The... Parking Ticket?!

Yes, I actually received a parking ticket in Korea. It's my second parking ticket, as a matter of fact. I always wonder why and how Korean police hand out parking tickets. What criteria do they use? Whimsy? Flint and I have spent many an afternoon at the patio at Dunkin' Donuts, looking at all the infractions in view, and saying that the cops could clean up if they ticketed everyone breaking the rules.
I was at Burger King the other day, watching the mooks push on the door marked "Pull," and saw this mook park his vehicle on a one lane street while he came inside and got a burger. He did a lot of milling around, looking up and down the street, as well.

Fucking mook.
As I was eating, another mook on a delivery scooter made his way up the sidewalk. Why use the road, right?

Here, he has parked his cycle in order to block the sidewalk and force pedestrians out on the road.
Fucking mook.

Here's a delivery truck, parked sort of in a bus stop, forcing the buses to edge around him, taking up two lanes of traffic.
Fucking mook.

This is pretty typical of the way mooks park in this country; up on the sidewalk. You can find them everywhere you go.
Fucking mook.

This is an example of the street near my con-apt, with mooks parked on both sides, narrowing it down to one lane, forcing any cars that meet to back up or give way.
Fucking mooks.

This asshole exhibits the tactic that fucking drives me nuts - parking on a corner. Not only is he blocking the door to the building, and parked facing the wrong way, but his ass is sticking out into traffic; anyone going around the corner has to make an extra wide turn to go around him. But the fucking mooks will park on a corner every time, even when there're spaces in the middle of the block.
Fucking mooks.

Here's another mook doing exactly the same thing.
Fucking mook.

While I was taking the above photo, another mook parked on the opposite side of the street, also facing the wrong way. Mooks don't care if they do this, even if it means they have to park out in the lane of traffic so they can get their door open.
Fucking mooks.
And I get a fucking ticket?!

What the... Asking Permission?!

I had kind of an up and down day on Thursday.
It was beautiful in Korea, a real sunshiney kind of day, clear and bright.
I was up early, because I had to get my car inspected and passed to drive on Korean streets.
The inspection went okay. There were a couple of things the mechanic pointed out as possibly needing attention further on down the road, but generally the car was in good running condition. I stopped in at my regular mechanic because James, my director's husband thought one of the tires was a little low. It turned out it wasn't that necessary a job, but it gave me the opportunity to get a photo of a typical Korean mechanic's garage.

Not much to look at, is it?
Anyway, the inspection was the 'up' part of the day. The 'down' part occurred when I was on my way home, and got clipped by some mook trying to cut me off. He started coming into my lane while I was still alongside of him. I sped up to get out of his way, but his right front slammed into my left rear.
I hate it when mooks try to slam into my rear!
I heard (via James) that the mook claimed I was trying to merge into his lane when the accident occurred.
Fucking mook.
The next day, James asked for my car key. He was going to look at my car. I wondered why he needed the key just to look at a scrape down the side of the vehicle, but I figured he wanted to see if it could still drive okay. It seemed all right to me, but another opinion is always welcome.
I was just about to go into my first class when he took my key, and it was about five hours later (just before my last class) that I was informed that my car was in the shop being repaired, and wouldn't be ready until Monday!
What the kimchi?!
I was kind of surprised, and I may have let my anger show at the presumption.
When James and his wife Sun (my director) told me I had to take a cab home, I asked ( a little tensely), "Who's going to pay for that?"
I mean, the insurance is going to pay for the paint job, and it'll help the resale value, but what the fuck ever happened to courtesy. Did it even occur to James that he might want to ask my permission before just going ahead and commiting my vehicle to four days in the shop?
James and Sun are a pretty good couple, and I enjoy working for them. I'm going to be sorry to leave theur employ. Good hagwons in Korea are rarer than hen's teeth. Just ask Flint.
But... jeez... can you ask first next time? Please?

Mook Of The Week

There are so many candidates that go unrecorded, because I see them while driving.

But here's one I saw on Thursday while taking some pictures around Oksan. It was a beautiful day, so I was on the roof of the kindergarten, which offers a good view of the srrounding countryside.

It's an ajumma, wheeling a baby carriage complete with baby down the main street in Oksan. This street gets pretty busy. Oksan is only a wide spot on the road, but as the road leads from here to there, a lot of traffic goes through.

Of course, there are sidewalks on both sides of the street, but why would she want to keep the kid safe from being run over? Does she have to get the kid used to being a mook as soon as possible? What's the training program a mook undergoes, anyway?

I bet this stupid bitch could tell us.

You, ma'am, are a mook.

What The... Chemical Warfare III?!

You may remember from my previous post about the giant fans stationed outside of Oksan, spraying some kind of chemical disinfectant on every vehicle entering or leaving the town.

I always button up my car real tight, as who the fuck knows what this shit is. It's been installed to halt the spread of hoof and mouth disease in cattle, but it kind of reminds me of the hand sanitizer liquid that became popular here during the swine flu scare (following the mad cow scare).
But I've seen mook after mook on bicycles and motorcycles drive through the spray without even a helmet on, much less a mask or any other protection.
I just know that in the coming zombie apocalypse, these mooks are going to be the first ones in line to try and chow down on my brain.
Mmmmmmmmmmm brain.
Anyway, coming back from dropping Flint off in Incheon (of which more later), I passed through the toll gate to come into Incheon, and damned if there aren't more of these things set up. It was a different kind of device, though. They looked like speed bumps, and the chemicals were sprayed upwards, mostly on to the bottom of vehicles, but high enough in the air to cover the roof and windows.
I was a bit taken by surprise, and had to slow down in order to make sure my windows were rolled up. Sure enough, some impatient mook behind me beeps at me to hurry the fuck up. I let him know he was number one, and then finished rolling up.
But that's not the end of the story. I came into Cheongju at the main interchange, but every day on the way to work I pass by the west interchange. I keep expecting to see chemical sprays set up there, too, but nothing so far.
A-ha! A hole in the net! All you hoof and mouth spreaders out there, I've found the chink in the armour!
Good job, Korea!
What the kimchi.

What the - Chemical Warfare II?!

This should be viewed as an addendum to Flint's post...

You should be able to see an orange and blue contraption at the side of the road. It's hooked up to the big blue tank on the right. The orange part is a fan, and it is blowing chemicals onto the road (and every car that passes by) from the tank. There is another one on the other side of the road, so every vehicle that enters or leaves Oksan is pretty well slathered over.
My director explained to me that this is some kind of disinfectant designed to combat the spread of hoof-and-mouth disease, which has broken out in Korea.
The fans have been there blowing away every time I have gone to work, so I imagine they've been going 24/7 ever since Monday.
It rained on Monday and Wednesday, and pretty good, too. I can only imagine the "effectiveness" of these chemicals in a steady rainfall.
Coming into town on Tuesday, I had the windows rolled down, and only managed to get them up just in time. I had to slow down a bit (who knows what those chemicals are), and the mookish motorist behind me was in a bit of a hurry. He beeped his horn, and I... gestured.... that I would only be "one minute" (I think I used the right finger to convey my meaning).
But I wonder how many fans are blowing in how many other towns? I wonder who has to set up these... uh... blow jobs?

Mook Of The Week

As you may know, I live in Cheongju, and commute to a small town called Oksan. I see many, many mooks and mookish behaviour on the road, but it's difficult to document when you're driving. I think I would be considered a mook if I was concentrating more on taking pictures than taking care of business.
It's also not a good idea to take your mind off of watching out for the next accident coming your way, because you know the mooks are selfishly oblivious.
But, I have taken to having the camera at the ready, just in case the opportunity presents itself. And, as they always do, the mooks obliged.
I saw this mook just as I was coming into Oksan. The road crosses a river, and then comes to a T-intersection. I was waiting for the light to change when I saw him.
That's Oksan in the distance. Not much more than a wide spot on the road, but it's smack in between here and there, so it gets a lot of through traffic, including heavy trucks, buses, etc.
There're also a lot Kim Kadiddlehoppers on their tractors and forklifts(!) clogging the highways and byways. Oksan is full of old ajummas and adjussis who just don't give a fuck about traffic safety. I think they must've grown up walking on the road simply because there wasn't anything else. Sidewalks are one of those recent innovations that come with entering the 20th century, and these mooks are still looking askance, deciding if they're really that practical. The jury is still out.
I mean, look at this guy! There's a guardrail there, but why would he want to walk behind that?! And walking against traffic, so you can see it coming?
No way!
They should look out for me!
Mookmookmookshepalmookchoahmookgesekimookshepalnommookmookmook.
The bridge is ahead of this mook. He was probably going across. Why? Fuck if even he knows.
But it's kind of narrow; only two lanes with no sidewalk. It wouldn't take much for some selfishly oblivious mook to rub him off against the guardrail and over the side into the drink.
But he doesn't care, 'cause he's got places to go.
You sir, are a mook.

What The... Courtesy?!

I did Flint a favour this week. He'd received a shipment from nicedeli.com, and the package was just too big to fit on his scooter. So I swung by his school to pick it up and take it home for him.
It was a sizeable box - an armful, but not too difficult to handle. His school is on the eighth floor, and as I was riding down to the lobby, the elevator stopped on the fifth. This guy got on and rode down the rest of the way with me, not acknowledging me in any way as strangers will do.
He preceded me out of the elevator and the lobby, letting the front door close in my face as I laboured along with my arms full of package.
What the kimchi?
Since when did holding a door open for somebody become something that doesn't even cross your mind? Is the bridge out? Are your brains that crowded with thoughts of kimchi or Dokdo or your tiny penis that you can't make the courtesy connection?
I've been treated courteously before by Koreans, so I know some of them do have manners, but so many more of them act like I'm simply something in their way, an obstruction to be got round or elbowed out of the way. To them, I'm not even worthy of an "Excuse me," or even a "Shille hamnida."
This mook reminded of an adjussi who was entering a restaurant where Flint and I were chowing down on some excellent sam gyup sal. He was gawking at us while he was holding the door open for his wife, who was some way behind him. He let the door go just as she got there, shutting it in her face.
What the kimchi?
This past couple of weekends, I've gone to the movies. Last week, it was "Alice In Wonderland," and this week it was "Shutter Island." Both of these movies were disappointments (I want my money back for "Shutter"), and Flint was glad he gave them a pass.
But both times, I had a mook sitting next to me pull out his cell phone to answer a call/make a text message.
What the kimchi?
I'm trying to watch the movie, and this brain dead moron doesn't have the courtesy to think the beeps, talking, and bright light is not a distraction.
I smacked the first guy, and flicked popcorn at the second. Both of them looked at me as if to say, "What? What's your problem?"
I've already written about the discourtesy that the average Korean driver exhibits, driving like they own the road and everybody else should look out for them. I do try to look out for them, more out of a sense of self-preservation than that of being courteous. I have been less willing to allow people to cut in or merge lately, simply because of the constant never-ending mookishness I experience just driving to work.
This country is in serious need of a good paddling, and a round of cotillion. Flint has always said he would enjoy seeing them try this shit in a place like New York or L.A. They'd get more than a smack, that's for sure.

When Mooks Collide.

I have mentioned the idiots here who like to pull u-turns through cross-walks. Even when the cross walks are in use. I have mentioned delivery drivers on their scooters who drive on side-walks and through crosswalks. Neither brand of mook pays any attention to those around them. have you ever what would happen if the mooks collided? That is one tries to do a u-turn through a crosswalk while the other is driving through it.

I got to see the tail end of it on my way to work yesterday. It was sprinkling rain so the roads were a little greasy. As I got ready to turn into the street my hagwon entrance is on I noticed something up ahead at the intersection. A car with it's bumper ripped off in one lane and a scooter and a body in the other.

Not wanting to be a stupid mook who rubber necks and causes problems I kept going and parked my scooter. Then I went back for a look with my trusty camera.

One of the guys who works out at my gym was on the sidewalk watching. He told me I missed the accident by about 30 seconds. The van did a u-turn into the crosswalk while the scooter was crossing. BOTH had a red light. The scooter guy STILL wasn't moving at this point.

My friend retold the tale with hand gestures and sound affects. By now the scooter guy was starting to move. Eventually he sat up. I didn't feel like standing around so I left.

This is why I drive defensively in Korea. too many mooks like these two. My first year teaching, one of my students and her friend were getting off the school bus in a parking lot. A fucking mook decided he would go around the bus through the parking spot. My student ended up in hospital. Her friend died. A 8 year old kid got to see her friend die in front of her because of the way these selfishly oblivious assholes drive. She was never the same. Back in 2004 this is how a guy I knew got killed. A taxi driver doing an illegal u-turn into a crosswalk. While he was crossing at the green. He was DOA. If you ever wonder why I have 0 tolerance for the way these fucking assholes drive now you have an idea.

I am not one to say I told you so. When people do it to me I want to smack them around. I see incidents of mooks u-turning into crosswalks at least once a month. I always figured I would eventually see someone get hit. Hoped I wouldn't. This guy was lucky. Many aren't.

What the - Litter!?

I've been in Korea for almost 10 years, so you think I would be used to the casual littering that goes on here, but this week the mooks took me by surprise again. That's what happens when you let your guard down for even a moment - they sense the opportunity and fuck you over but good.
You've probably seen a lot of littering if you've been here any length of time. Kids leaving the convenience store with their "snacks" will drop the packaging wherever and whenever. I once followed an ajumma who was reading a newspaper as she walked. Each page, when done with, was peeled off and dropped, leaving a trail behind her.
The front stoop of our con-apts are the repository for the day's or the weeks trash. It's left to pile up until the trash men come by. Whatever doesn't fit their stringent aesthetics is left to fester until it is finally merged into the general detritus of the street.
People in my building will leave trash bags outside their doors for days at a time until they finally work up the energy to take it down to the street. I love seeing rotting piles of garbage next to the dirty dishes from whatever kimchi take-out they had that night.
If you live near an entertainment district like I do, you'll see armies of mooks throwing circulars down on the sidewalk advertising night clubs, call girls, and coffee shops. Not to mention the mooks who tape them to your door while you sleep.
Driving, I see a lot of mooks tossing stuff out of their cars, mostly cigarette butts and loogies. This week, however, took the cake. I was following one of those "Musso" SUVs ( what the hell is a "musso," anyway?), and the mook threw out a pair of surgical rubber gloves.
What the kimchi!?
Was he doing some impromptu operating on his vehicle? Was his bitch protecting herself while she jerked him off? Was it Howard Hughes?
It makes me shake my head the way they deal with trash in this country. I'm fairly conscientious when it comes to trash, and I always try to throw it in the proper receptacle. Except the proper receptacles are rarer than hen's teeth in Korea. Look around, and try and find more than five in your town.
Where are they? Who the hell knows. The odd one you see next to the bus stops are usually full to overflowing. You'd think the need for trashcans would move the municipal authorities to install more, and educate the public to use them rather than the nearest gutter.
But I heard, and this is one of those "from a friend of a friend" things, that the powers that be don't want to have a lot of trash barrels around because, wait for it, they attract trash.
Now, just sit back and let the... uh.... logic? of that statement flow over you.
They don't want a lot of trashcans around because they will be full of trash.
I roll my eyes.

Land Of The Morning Dead

I like horror movies. My favourite character is Dracula, but zombies figure prominently among the many creatures that inhabit that scary landscape.
"Night Of The Living Dead" (1968)
"Dawn Of The Dead" (1978)
"Day Of The Dead" (1985)
"Land Of The Dead" (2005)
"Diary Of The Dead" (2007)
These are classics of the genre. No-one does it as good as George A. Romero.
So it's easy to see why I would liken the mooks and ajummas that shamble through my life here to the antagonists of Romero's series.
Whenever I leave my school, I pretend I'm in one of these movies, and I have to get to my car and get home before one of them catches me and eats my brain.
I've taken dialogue from these movies, and pieced it together to provide a commentary on what I, and Flint, and no doubt many others have experienced, and what conclusions we might make.
Enjoy.

"They're ordinary looking people. Some say they appear to be in some sort of trance. Others describe them as being misshapen monsters. At this point, there's no really authentic way for us to say who or what to look for and guard yourself against. Stay inside your houses behind locked doors."

"I realized that I was alone with fifty or sixty of those things, just staring at me! I plowed right through them. They didn't move! ... they just stood there, staring at me!"

"The scientific community is focusing on the phenomenon, specifically on that trance-like state that seems to characterize them. Clearly a behavioural disorder..."

"I've only been around them a minute or two, but that's time enough for me to decide that I don't like them very much."

"They're so slow. We could just walk right past 'em and we wouldn't even have to run."

"They're all messed up."

"What are they doing? Why do they come here?"
"Some kind of instinct. Memory of what they used to do. This was an important place in their lives."

"They're still here."
"They're after us. They know we're still here."
"They're after the place. They don't know why. They just remember. Remember that they want to be in here."

"What the hell are they?!"

"These creatures cannot be considered human. They prey on humans. Intelligence? Seemingly little or no reasoning power, but the basic skills remain. More a remembered behaviour from normal life. There are reports of these creatures using tools, but even these actions are the most primitive..."

"They are us."

"I once saw one of these things sitting behind the wheel of a car... trying to drive down the street. It didn't make me want to be its friend."

"We don't have enough ammunition to shoot them all in the head."

"You want to put some kind of explanation on all this? Here's one as good as any other: We're bein' punished by the creator..."

"It wants me! It wants food! But it has no stomach, can take no nourishment from what it ingests. It's acting on instinct!
"I call him Bub... Bub's been responding so well, I let him live."
"But is he alive or dead? Well that's the question nowadays, isn't it?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you people? They're dead! They're fuckin' dead!"

"Temporarily out of service."

"Zombies, man. They creep me out."

"They're pretending to be alive..."

"The problem doesn't seem to be that people are waking up dead, but that dead people are waking up."

"What is it? What gets into our heads when we see something horrible? A horrible accident on the highway? Something keeps us from just driving on. Something holds us. But we don't stop to help. We stop to look."

"Lock yourself inside! Don't trust anyone, not even those you love."

"They are monsters. Monsters who prey on the flesh of the living."

"See?! I told you dead things move slow!"

"Morning approaches. Things always look better in the morning calm."
"Not to me. Mornings bring light. Light brings mooks. I prefer the darkness. It's easier to hide from mooks in the dark."

Fucking Mooks!

Well, I've written about what fucktards the drivers in this country are, and I have yet another shining example to share with you today.
Flint and I went to Daejon to stock up at Costco. Inside Costco was a breeze. We were there right when it opened at 10 in order to beat the mooks. Not all of them, but enough to make shopping enjoyable rather than a chore to get through without bloodshed.
But on the roads I was presented with a different story. I knew even before I got out of my neighbourhood on the way to pick up Flint that the mooks wanted to have an accident with me. Ajummas were wandering around the centre line, ajussis were dashing and dodging through traffic and cabbies were either following too close or moving to cut me off in order to get just one car ahead.
Typical mookishness, so I was able to keep my cool.
I was just about ready to make the turn into my neighbourhood when I met the Mook Of The Day. He had stopped to block the turn lane and was asking a question of the policeman standing there watching traffic.
You know it's a bad sign when the cop listens for a bit, and then points back in the direction this fool has just come from.
So, now what is he going to do? How is he going to get turned around? He's in the right hand curb lane, with four lanes of traffic between him and pulling a u-turn.
Is he going to just go ahead and drive through the crosswalk? He's heading that wa... No! He's turning back to the right, and he's going to make the right into Habukdae. Or is he? He's stopped again! Fuck! Make up your mind!
I always say that drivers here don't know whether they're coming or going. You'll see them going along, and then pause as if they forgot where they were and what they were doing, and then go back the way they came.
Well, here's the prize champ. Or is it chump?
He finally makes the turn (without using his signal - in fact, he never used his turn signals OR his four-way flashers at all), and heads into my neighbourhood, Habukdae. He's moving slowly, but not too slowly. Just slow enough to piss off the cab drivers and give an opening to the other mooks waiting to get on to the high street. They pull in front of him, cut him off, and he just takes it.
He goes through one intersection, and then pulls to the right hand lane just before the next intersection. He's stopped there, in the curb lane, and there are no signals going. This is my chance to get past him finally.
But... NO! He's pulling back into traffic right in front of me!!! He's going to make his u-turn right now!!! Swerve!!! Beep the Horn!!! Raise the finger into his startled face!!!! Keep going before he can collect his addle-pated mind!!
The last I saw of him, he had pulled back into the curb lane, and a long line of traffic was going past him.
Whew! That was a close one! Did you see how close he came? Missed me by that much!
These people just do not pay attention to what is going on around them. They act without thinking, or checking to see what's coming. I've seen kids, adults and ajummas just walk into traffic and cross the street without looking. Some of them even run into traffic. They'll walk on the street rather than the perfectly good sidewalk (which is for scooters, I must admit).
Flint calls them "the bottom of the food chain." I call them "the next statistic."

Ah ... Taxi Drivers II

Well, I hope you enjoyed Flint's little tale, and are in the mood for another one.
Are you sitting comfortably?
Then we'll begin.
I've been teaching in a few different places around Korea besides the 'ju.
About five years ago, I was teaching in Pohang, a small industrial city on the east coast. Not a bad town if you're a foreigner. There's quite a friendly group of expats there, and some good drinking establishments like "Giant Step" and the "Wa Bar."
One day, I was in a bus going downtown, and traffic seemed to be a little slow. We came up to the problem: a bus stopped in the curb lane with a car bumped up along the left side. Traffic was down to one narrow lane. As we passed the bus, we could see the driver and the car's driver locked in an embrace, dancing around in front of the bus.
But they weren't happy, oh no. You could tell from the looks on their faces. My bus proceeded on, so I could not see the end of what looked like a pretty feeble excuse for a fight.
A few months later, I was treated to a view of just how such a fight may have started.
I was leaving work, on my way to teach a private lesson. I was pretty lucky in Pohang, as another teacher at the end of his contract handed over all his privates to me. It was two and sometimes three extra hours of work a day, but the money was so good.
So good.
Anyway, I flagged down a cab, and we went down the street to the main intersection. The light was against us, and we had to wait for the crosswalk to clear before we could make the right turn.
Suddenly there was a commotion behind us. Another cabbie, impatient to make the turn after us, was honking his horn for us to go, Go, GO!
The crosswalk still wasn't clear, so we were stuck. The cabbie behind us wasn't having it, and started to edge around us on our left side. My cabbie didn't like that, and moved to cut him off, causing more honking.
The other driver tried to edge around us again, only to be stymied once more.
More honking, followed by yet another attempt to edge around us, and yet another frustration of his designs.
By this time, the crosswalk was clear, and we were free to go on our way. But that was not to be. Finally able to get around us, the cabbie cut us off, leaped out of his cab, came to the passenger window, and proceeded to curse out my driver.
I didn't understand too much Korean curse words at the time, but I did understand shepal. There was this um, entrepreneur... who sold jade, phone cards, and ... er, exotic underwear in a shop in downtown Pohang. He gave me a little phrasebook called "Making Out In Korea," which was mainly designed to help lovelorn G.I.'s connect with willing young female company. There were phrases like "You're pretty," "Do you want to dance?" and "Take off your (fill in the blank)." There was also a chapter on fighting words, such as "shepal," which I was hearing a lot of from the other driver.
My driver was kind of cool, which seemed to drive the guy even further and further into his vituperative vocabulary, and further into physical histrionics.
He was not going to allow us to leave at all.
I was sitting in the back seat, watching this display (and enjoying it), but was mindful that I did have a private lesson to get to.
Finally, my driver had had enough, and got out of the cab and started to exchange verbal sallies with the other guy. They were getting dangerously close to each other, but actual physical contact seemed to be taking an inordinately long time to develop.
I had to go, and flagged down another passing cab. The last I saw of the two drivers, they were bumping chests, threatening to throw a punch almost any second, and generally mooking around and around.
I've actually seen one fight were punches and kicks were thrown. It looked almost like a real fight, but I think the loser was just dogging it until the police came and he could extort his blood money from the other guy.
There haven't been too many occasions when I've felt in danger from any Korean. I've been threatened more by other foreigners who've had more than was good for them.
Koreans are pretty entertaining when they are working themselves up to a fight, but it seems more like a pale imitation of what we're used to back in the "real world."

Driving In Korea

It's a beautiful day here in the 'ju. We've had a couple days of snow, and it's a winter wonderland. But Flint already posted about that.
There's a park across the street from my one room con-apt. It slopes up sharply from the street and then levels off just above my window (I'm on the third floor). There's usually a crowd of mooks playing that soccer-volleyball hybrid game, or a herd of kindergartners shrieking and running around crazy-go-nuts.
Today there's some kids using scrap pieces of cardboards as sleds on the slopes, sliding right into the street. Or they would if it wasn't lined with cars. I wonder if they sell sleds or toboggans here? Most of the places I've lived in Korea get snow for about a day at most, so I guess there's not much of a market for them. I remember what fun I had when I was younger. Calvin and Hobbes reminded me of just how dangerous a toboggan can be, so I figured Koreans would love it.
But I was going to write about driving in Korea, wasn't I?
I was not looking forward to driving in the snow, but my director called me to say she was closing, and that we would resume classes tomorrow. I was relieved to say the least.
I used to think Koreans were the worst drivers in the world, until I went to Saigon. Now I'm thankful Koreans aren't that bad.
I've had a car for about a year and a half now, and I've had four accidents. They've all been nothing more than scrapes/fender-benders, but still...
Flint has talked about selfishness vs. obliviousness. I lean towards Korean drivers as being selfish more than oblivious. They do tend to ignore everything that is not right directly in front of them, but it is far more important for them to be first. Running red lights, cutting people off, driving too close, and weaving in and out of traffic are just some of their tricks. They can NOT be second, even if it means endangering themselves and everyone around them.
Take my most recent accident. I was waiting at an intersection, intending to cross a busy road and go down a side street. There was a long line of traffic waiting for the light, and I knew I would never make it. I went into the right hand turn lane, intending to go straight and squeeze into the line of traffic. The driver I got in front of was so incensed, he crossed the centre line, zoomed ahead of me, and cut me off, clipping my front bumper in the process.
So we stopped, and I called my director's husband to interpret for me. The other driver was all silent and non-confrontational with me when He saw my foreigness. I eventually gave him 50,000 won and went on my way. First, I might add.
They are all about keeping in front of everyone else. I remember reading an article in TIME magazine about Asian drivers. A Chinese driving instructor told his pupil NOT to use his signal light, because it would give the other driver a clue to his intentions, making it easier to close up the space before he could change lanes.
Koreans use turn signals, but sparingly. They are much more in love with their four-way flashers. Flint says they think it means they can do anything and they're covered.
The obliviousness does come into it as a factor in their driving. I take it as read that every driver on the road is a potential bomb waiting to go off and destroy me utterly. I try to be careful and be prepared for any crazy shit to happen at any moment. Keeps me on my toes.
Flint says he could never be patient enough to drive a car. He would become consumed by road rage, and violence would ensue. I take the opportunity to work on my patience, take it easy, and take out my frustrations on my students.
Joke.
No, really.
But not all Korean drivers are crazed maniacs with their feet pushed to the floor. Some of them are kinda slow, almost like they're 'luuded up, or something. People can't drive that slow and not be influenced chemically in some way.
The first accident I had is an example of how dumb they can be. The streets in my neighbourhood are fairly narrow, made even more so by the cars parked on both sides. The driving lane is one car wide at best. If you meet an oncoming driver, one of you has to give way. I remember waiting for half an hour before one cab driver finally backed down.
Anyway, I was coming around a corner when an oncoming vehicle forced me to put my car into reverse and back up so he could get by. As I started to back up, however, I heard some shouting, scooter horn beeping, and saw general mookish milling around in my rear view. I waited a bit, and then started backing up again, but heard more shouting, beeping, and saw yet more mookishness.
After I saw a scooter go off the other way, I started to back up yet again, right into a delivery scooter. I broke off a piece of his front wheel cover. 50,000 won and he was on his way.
I still wonder to this day what he thought my back up lights were for. Was he hypnotized? Koreans are mollified by bright shiny objects, so maybe...
Between being selfish/oblivious, Korean drivers do make life more interesting.