"If you're a Jhereg and an Easterner, you have to expect to be insulted from time to time.If you want to live, you have to learn not to take offense at every slur and sneer. But this was beginning to get annoying."
I was recently re-reading the book Taltos, by Steven Brust. (I highly recommend his books.) When I came upon the above quote I chuckled. It SO fits the way foreigners are treated in Korea. I would paraphrase it like this;
If you're a foreigner in South Korea, you have to expect to be insulted. If you want to live, you have to learn not to take offense at every slur, sneer, stare, and rude comment. But sometimes it can be too annoying and you may need to vent in some way.
If I had responded to every major slight, REAL ones not imagined, I would have been in way to many fights. That isn't even considering the smaller slights that happened pretty much daily. One thing South Korea helped me with was to learn to control my temper better than I did before I got there. It just wasn't worth getting physical or even vocal with the idiots most of the time. I am not saying I was perfect and never slipped but for the most part I was able to control my temper. Blogging helped a lot as did venting with friends. It gave me a release for the anger that built up.
For those who complain about bloggers who bitch about the stupidity they encounter in South Korea I have a question. Would you rather people vent and get it off their chests? Hold it in and just go postal one day? Or start attacking every asshole they encounter? I would prefer people do the former but that is just me.
Showing posts with label Korea Survival. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Korea Survival. Show all posts
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Monday, July 25, 2011
Living In Korea
Korean Adventure (June 7, 2002 Chautauqua)
A foreigner, coming to Korea to teach English, is a bit at sea on first arrival. It's a foreign country, where people speak a different language. If you don't know anyone, there's only the staff at your school (or "hagwon") to rely on. Sometimes this can be a blessing, as I have met some really good people over here.
I remember when I first got off the plane, I was met by my director and his assistant, who oversaw the teaching staff. They loaded my luggage into the car, and took me for a drive through the nighttime streets of Taegue. Korean cities at night remind me of Las Vegas somewhat. It's not quite that gaudy, but it's close. Koreans like a lot of signage on every available space. The neon lights and banners with the strange symbols are everywhere. It's pretty, but you don't know what they mean.
The street entrance to my second con-apt building.
Eventually, we arrived at the apartment I was to share with another teacher. I was so tired after travelling, I just hit the sack for a couple of days. Most hagwons provide their teachers with housing. Some of it is shared, and some teachers are provided with a place of their own. The apartment I was sharing had an entranceway, where all shoes are left. Koreans only walk around in special house slippers, and leave outside shoes by the door. It's very bad manners to wear your shoes in the house.
The courtyard inside the street entrance. The door into the building leads to a hallway. My door was the last on the left.
The common areas of the apartment were the bathroom, the TV room, and the kitchen. The bathroom had a sink, a toilet, and a shower attachment on the wall. There was no tub, and there was no shower curtain. There wasn't even a drainpipe attached to the sink. The water just emptied onto the floor, and down the same drain as the shower water. I had to get used to not keeping my feet well away from the sink when I returned to Canada.
The door to my con-apt from the inside. The "kitchen" is to the left.
In my last two apartments, I have not even had sinks, just a combination tap and shower sticking out of the wall. It's a bit odd at first, but you get used to it, and even enjoy the space that a whole "shower room" affords. There are even separate slippers that you wear in the bathroom, just to keep your feet out of the water that's there after your shower.
The door into my bathroom. Just a toilet and a tap/shower attachment.Note the fan in the lower right corner. This was just before they installed an air conditioner (my first in Korea).
Sometimes the washing machine is installed in the bathroom. I haven't lived in an apartment like that yet, but I know people who have. One girl even had an electrical outlet almost directly beneath her shower head. Yikes!
The door to the storage room at the rear of my con-apt.
Inside the storage room, with the washing machine in the foreground.
The modern Korean dryer, the latest in technology!
The television is an adventure, as well. There are about 70 channels. Most of them are Korean, naturally, but there are a few movie channels that show English films. There are also American sitcoms shown on various channels. "Friends," "Third Rock," "Seinfeld," and "Married, With Children" just to name a few.
The TV in my second con-apt. The bulge on the top is a VCR. This is before my first computer and the joys of downloading.
There is also the Armed Forces channel, which shows all the regular programming available back home. There are no paid commercials, just service announcements that the GIs film themselves. Some of them are fairly amusing in their amateurishness, and we all get a good laugh at the (unintentionally funny) antics of the American Army.
The kitchen area has a fridge, some counter and cupboard space, and a two-burner gas range for all of our cooking. One of the things I have missed over here is baking or roasting some of my favorite foods. But Korean cooking is very good, and I have no problem with the local delicacies.
Now, the school looks after the rent, but the teachers are responsible for their own utilities. This means TV, water, electricity, and gas for the cooker. There is also a fee for the oil heater. This heats up water for the underfloor heating system (called "ondol"), and the sinks and shower. Unless the school's troubleshooter instructs you on its proper use, you can have trouble getting enough hot water. I remember we had that problem until we figured out which buttons to push, and what dials to turn. Since then I have had no trouble with getting enough hot water.
The only rooms left in the apartment were the two bedrooms. My first roommate had the bigger of the two, which I got when he moved out after one month of our sharing the place. I got another roommate a few months later, and he was a good guy. We really got on well, shared the cooking, and hosted some good parties. Since then, I have had only single apartments for myself.
Next time I will talk about shopping, cinemas, and beer. Mmmmmmm, beer.
----------------------------------------------
I remember that first nighttime drive. It seemed everywhere I looked, there was a flourescent orange cross. I wondered just what I was getting into.
A foreigner, coming to Korea to teach English, is a bit at sea on first arrival. It's a foreign country, where people speak a different language. If you don't know anyone, there's only the staff at your school (or "hagwon") to rely on. Sometimes this can be a blessing, as I have met some really good people over here.
I remember when I first got off the plane, I was met by my director and his assistant, who oversaw the teaching staff. They loaded my luggage into the car, and took me for a drive through the nighttime streets of Taegue. Korean cities at night remind me of Las Vegas somewhat. It's not quite that gaudy, but it's close. Koreans like a lot of signage on every available space. The neon lights and banners with the strange symbols are everywhere. It's pretty, but you don't know what they mean.
The street entrance to my second con-apt building.
Eventually, we arrived at the apartment I was to share with another teacher. I was so tired after travelling, I just hit the sack for a couple of days. Most hagwons provide their teachers with housing. Some of it is shared, and some teachers are provided with a place of their own. The apartment I was sharing had an entranceway, where all shoes are left. Koreans only walk around in special house slippers, and leave outside shoes by the door. It's very bad manners to wear your shoes in the house.
The courtyard inside the street entrance. The door into the building leads to a hallway. My door was the last on the left.
The common areas of the apartment were the bathroom, the TV room, and the kitchen. The bathroom had a sink, a toilet, and a shower attachment on the wall. There was no tub, and there was no shower curtain. There wasn't even a drainpipe attached to the sink. The water just emptied onto the floor, and down the same drain as the shower water. I had to get used to not keeping my feet well away from the sink when I returned to Canada.
The door to my con-apt from the inside. The "kitchen" is to the left.
In my last two apartments, I have not even had sinks, just a combination tap and shower sticking out of the wall. It's a bit odd at first, but you get used to it, and even enjoy the space that a whole "shower room" affords. There are even separate slippers that you wear in the bathroom, just to keep your feet out of the water that's there after your shower.
The door into my bathroom. Just a toilet and a tap/shower attachment.Note the fan in the lower right corner. This was just before they installed an air conditioner (my first in Korea).
Sometimes the washing machine is installed in the bathroom. I haven't lived in an apartment like that yet, but I know people who have. One girl even had an electrical outlet almost directly beneath her shower head. Yikes!
The door to the storage room at the rear of my con-apt.
Inside the storage room, with the washing machine in the foreground.
The modern Korean dryer, the latest in technology!
The television is an adventure, as well. There are about 70 channels. Most of them are Korean, naturally, but there are a few movie channels that show English films. There are also American sitcoms shown on various channels. "Friends," "Third Rock," "Seinfeld," and "Married, With Children" just to name a few.
The TV in my second con-apt. The bulge on the top is a VCR. This is before my first computer and the joys of downloading.
There is also the Armed Forces channel, which shows all the regular programming available back home. There are no paid commercials, just service announcements that the GIs film themselves. Some of them are fairly amusing in their amateurishness, and we all get a good laugh at the (unintentionally funny) antics of the American Army.
The kitchen area has a fridge, some counter and cupboard space, and a two-burner gas range for all of our cooking. One of the things I have missed over here is baking or roasting some of my favorite foods. But Korean cooking is very good, and I have no problem with the local delicacies.
Now, the school looks after the rent, but the teachers are responsible for their own utilities. This means TV, water, electricity, and gas for the cooker. There is also a fee for the oil heater. This heats up water for the underfloor heating system (called "ondol"), and the sinks and shower. Unless the school's troubleshooter instructs you on its proper use, you can have trouble getting enough hot water. I remember we had that problem until we figured out which buttons to push, and what dials to turn. Since then I have had no trouble with getting enough hot water.
The only rooms left in the apartment were the two bedrooms. My first roommate had the bigger of the two, which I got when he moved out after one month of our sharing the place. I got another roommate a few months later, and he was a good guy. We really got on well, shared the cooking, and hosted some good parties. Since then, I have had only single apartments for myself.
Next time I will talk about shopping, cinemas, and beer. Mmmmmmm, beer.
----------------------------------------------
I remember that first nighttime drive. It seemed everywhere I looked, there was a flourescent orange cross. I wondered just what I was getting into.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
The Top Ten Ways To Amuse Yourself In Korea
Korean Adventurer (May 3, 2002 Chautauqua)
The Top 10 Ways to Amuse Yourself In Korea
This list was sent to me by my friend, Blondie. It provides some insights about what life in general is like over here.
10.) Play chicken with cars on the sidewalk. This is a fairly common occurrence. Koreans park just about anywhere they damn well please. Cars, motorcycles, and bikes take advantage of any opening anywhere, road or sidewalk, to beat the traffic. I remember walking home from the store the other night, and I heard an engine behind me. I was almost up to a space between two other parked vehicles, and I didn't bother moving aside, as I thought the space was too small for the following vehicle to pass through. I was startled to hear the motor continue close behind me. I looked, and was confronted with the smallest car I have ever seen. It gave new meaning to the word "compact".
9.)Order Steak and Potato with Fiddleheads at EVERY Korean restaurant. I'm not exactly sure what this means, as I've not had this particular delicacy. I think it makes reference to the fact that "fiddleheads" can make you sick if you're not careful. It's not really funny, as there was a story in the "Korean Herald" last week, saying that the food in six different fast food chains (KFC and McDonald's among them) had tested positive for staph infections in the foods. Bad news for westerners who do not like Korean food.
8.) While sitting in a public spot, pretend to catch a fly with chopsticks. Celebrate loudly. Koreans are intensely interested in everything we westerners do, and do not hesitate to stare when they so you. They also like to examine the contents of your shopping basket. It's nothing hostile, just innocent curiosity.
7.) When something is said by one Korean to another that is slightly amusing, laugh hysterically. Don't stop. Well, this is just plain mean. Hee hee hee.
6.) Stand outside a Korean electronics store where the TVs are playing. Pretend to understand every word. Again, just mean. The kids in my school get very excited when I display any knowledge of their language, and it is difficult to stop them from testing me, and turn the lesson back to learning English.
5.) Remind a Korean man that he is short. Do this repeatedly. Be prepared for an a** kicking. It's true that there are a lot of short people here, but they are also very thin. One of the first things that struck me when I returned home last year was how many obese people there were, myself included. Most Koreans like to get out and do some regular physical activity, for which they should be commended. Also, there are quite a few who are as tall, if not taller than some westerners.
4. Convince them that both of your parents are Korean (oh yes, it can be done). The trick to arguing with Koreans is to remain calm at all times. Once you lose your temper, you've lost the argument.
3.) Wear Japanese flags. The Koreans really are very touchy when it comes to anything Japanese. A person who makes a reference to the "Sea of Japan" will be provided with the correct title, the "East Sea". There has always been some tension in their relations. Last year it was some textbooks, approved for use in Japanese schools, that did not deal adequately with Japan's conquests and behaviour during it's Imperial phase. It only just got smoothed over when the Japanese premier paid a visit to the shrine for Japanese war dead. Some of those memorialized are considered war criminals over here, and the visit has cast a pall over the upcoming joint Japanese/Korean hosting of the World Cup.
2.) Go to the cinema. After the preview for a Korean film, pump your fists in the air and yell, "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THAT!". Actually, there have been some very good films made here recently. A few years back, a film called "JSA" won an Academy Award for best foreign film. It was a tense thriller about a South Korean soldier accused of murdering some North Korean counterparts. Another film, called "Friends", dealt with four rookie firemen that featured some thrilling firefighting scenes.
1.) Fix something. It always seems like there is something to be done when foreigners move into their (school-supplied) apartment. Usually, it's fairly simple to make it seem homey. My friends and I have managed to make our places comfy enough to be a close substitute for "home". We are convinced that we are the only ones to take the time and trouble. Some of the people we've had as room-mates have been less than...clean. Oh well, it takes all kinds, I guess.
Anyway, there is a lot more to tell about life in Korea. I hope I have not rambled on too long, and I hope you look forward to the next installment. Until then, anyong assayo (Peace be with you).
________________________________________
Ask Flint about the shopping basket thing, and then duck.
My description of the movie "Friends" is erroneous. It's actually about four Koreans who grew up in Busan. One became a cop and another became a criminal, with tragic results.
I remember helping Mick and Jane clean an apartment after another teacher had left. The filth was indescribable. I remember scrubbing layers of grime off of the tile in the bathroom and wondering how anyone could stand it.
The Top 10 Ways to Amuse Yourself In Korea
This list was sent to me by my friend, Blondie. It provides some insights about what life in general is like over here.
10.) Play chicken with cars on the sidewalk. This is a fairly common occurrence. Koreans park just about anywhere they damn well please. Cars, motorcycles, and bikes take advantage of any opening anywhere, road or sidewalk, to beat the traffic. I remember walking home from the store the other night, and I heard an engine behind me. I was almost up to a space between two other parked vehicles, and I didn't bother moving aside, as I thought the space was too small for the following vehicle to pass through. I was startled to hear the motor continue close behind me. I looked, and was confronted with the smallest car I have ever seen. It gave new meaning to the word "compact".
9.)Order Steak and Potato with Fiddleheads at EVERY Korean restaurant. I'm not exactly sure what this means, as I've not had this particular delicacy. I think it makes reference to the fact that "fiddleheads" can make you sick if you're not careful. It's not really funny, as there was a story in the "Korean Herald" last week, saying that the food in six different fast food chains (KFC and McDonald's among them) had tested positive for staph infections in the foods. Bad news for westerners who do not like Korean food.
8.) While sitting in a public spot, pretend to catch a fly with chopsticks. Celebrate loudly. Koreans are intensely interested in everything we westerners do, and do not hesitate to stare when they so you. They also like to examine the contents of your shopping basket. It's nothing hostile, just innocent curiosity.
7.) When something is said by one Korean to another that is slightly amusing, laugh hysterically. Don't stop. Well, this is just plain mean. Hee hee hee.
6.) Stand outside a Korean electronics store where the TVs are playing. Pretend to understand every word. Again, just mean. The kids in my school get very excited when I display any knowledge of their language, and it is difficult to stop them from testing me, and turn the lesson back to learning English.
5.) Remind a Korean man that he is short. Do this repeatedly. Be prepared for an a** kicking. It's true that there are a lot of short people here, but they are also very thin. One of the first things that struck me when I returned home last year was how many obese people there were, myself included. Most Koreans like to get out and do some regular physical activity, for which they should be commended. Also, there are quite a few who are as tall, if not taller than some westerners.
4. Convince them that both of your parents are Korean (oh yes, it can be done). The trick to arguing with Koreans is to remain calm at all times. Once you lose your temper, you've lost the argument.
3.) Wear Japanese flags. The Koreans really are very touchy when it comes to anything Japanese. A person who makes a reference to the "Sea of Japan" will be provided with the correct title, the "East Sea". There has always been some tension in their relations. Last year it was some textbooks, approved for use in Japanese schools, that did not deal adequately with Japan's conquests and behaviour during it's Imperial phase. It only just got smoothed over when the Japanese premier paid a visit to the shrine for Japanese war dead. Some of those memorialized are considered war criminals over here, and the visit has cast a pall over the upcoming joint Japanese/Korean hosting of the World Cup.
2.) Go to the cinema. After the preview for a Korean film, pump your fists in the air and yell, "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THAT!". Actually, there have been some very good films made here recently. A few years back, a film called "JSA" won an Academy Award for best foreign film. It was a tense thriller about a South Korean soldier accused of murdering some North Korean counterparts. Another film, called "Friends", dealt with four rookie firemen that featured some thrilling firefighting scenes.
1.) Fix something. It always seems like there is something to be done when foreigners move into their (school-supplied) apartment. Usually, it's fairly simple to make it seem homey. My friends and I have managed to make our places comfy enough to be a close substitute for "home". We are convinced that we are the only ones to take the time and trouble. Some of the people we've had as room-mates have been less than...clean. Oh well, it takes all kinds, I guess.
Anyway, there is a lot more to tell about life in Korea. I hope I have not rambled on too long, and I hope you look forward to the next installment. Until then, anyong assayo (Peace be with you).
________________________________________
Ask Flint about the shopping basket thing, and then duck.
My description of the movie "Friends" is erroneous. It's actually about four Koreans who grew up in Busan. One became a cop and another became a criminal, with tragic results.
I remember helping Mick and Jane clean an apartment after another teacher had left. The filth was indescribable. I remember scrubbing layers of grime off of the tile in the bathroom and wondering how anyone could stand it.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
My First Column
When I went to Korea for my second year, I began a column reporting on teaching and travelling in Korea and the surrounding countries. These stories first appeared in The Chautauqua, which circulates in Central Alberta. I'll be reprinting these columns here and in Stig's Silly Walks. The stuff about Korea will appear here, and the stuff about other countries will be found on SSW, unless I'm channeling Flint that day, and do the opposite.
Teaching English in Korea (February 1, 2002 Chautauqua)
By Alan E. Johnson
In the summer of the year 2000, I was working as a security guard in Calgary. I had graduated from university, but was unable to find a job that suited me. Security paid the bills, and gave me time to read. But it was a dead end, and I had been looking around for something better for quite a while. I had tried to get jobs teaching English in Europe and China, but they fell through.
Then I met another guard who was going to Korea. He gave me a handout that answered questions about applying for a job, the various procedures to go through to work in another country, and an address to contact a recruiter. A lot of the work can be done via the internet, which makes it easy for people in different countries to communicate quickly.
In no time, I had a variety of offers from recruiters in Canada, the U.S, and Korea. Eventually I settled on what seemed to be the most straightforward of the offers, and got my papers together. I had to submit copies of my university transcripts, a certified copy of my diploma ( the Korean Embassy in Vancouver handles that), and a copy of my passport. Koreans put great importance on a person's appearance, so a photograph is a must. No one seemed put off by my appearance, and a contract was faxed to me.
There is a website run by the Canadian government that offers some advice about working in Korea. They make it clear that a lot of what you do is at your own risk. Koreans don't see contracts as something that they have to adhere to completely. They place more emphasis on the personal agreements that people make face to face. A contract is just a guide that can be ignored if better terms can be arranged.
There was a lot of work to do before I was ready to leave the country. I had to quit my job ( that was a lot of fun!), put some of my things into storage, sell the items I no longer needed, and move the rest to my folks'. My parents were an invaluable source of help and inspiration in this. They were very happy to see me get out of the rut I had been in. It was a very emotional farewell.
I must admit to a certain amount of trepidation as I flew half-way around the world. Wandering around the airport in Seoul ( my pick-up was late), I wondered if I had done the right thing. That feeling never really left me the whole time I was there. A new teacher is not really given any extensive training - at least I wasn't - before being placed in a classroom.
Taegu from the southwest. Taken from the "mountain" behind my first con-apt.
The school I landed at was in the city of Taegu, the third largest city in Korea ( approx. 2.5 - 3 million population). It was part of a chain of schools that go by the name of "Wonderland". When I arrived, there were three other foreigners there. I was rooming with one of them, another Canadian by the name of Phil. He gave me a lot of useful information, but he was wrapped up in personal problems, and I had to learn a lot of things for myself.
I was given a couple of days to watch the other teachers in various classes before I was given my own students. There are no words to describe the fear that grabs you in that situation. A lot of what I did in those early days was made up as I went along. To tell the truth, Taegu Wonderland is not a very good school. Their curriculum is poorly organized, and there is not a lot of support for a new teacher to rely on. A person has to look inside for the resources he/she needs.
Taegu Wonderland (3rd and 4th floors)
The main reason that foreigners are there is to provide a resource for the children to listen to. All I had to do, really, is go into the classroom, start talking, and not stop until class was over. The children needed to hear English being spoken in order to get used to the rhythms and be given corrections about pronunciation. The hard rules about grammar points and spelling would come from the Korean staff.
The Korean teachers were young, pretty women. There were four kindergarten teachers, who did not speak very much English at all. Their task was to get the children used to the school rules, where the bathrooms were, when lunch is; the usual day-care sort of tasks.
The pre-schoolers (cute as buttons, all of them) came to the school in the morning, and were there from 10:00 until 2:30 in the afternoon. At that time, the elementary and middle school kids came in. Those classes went from 3:00 in the afternoon until 7:30 at night. The same kids were not there all that time. There were three sets of kids who changed "shifts" every 90 minutes. In those 90 minutes they had two classes, one with a Korean teacher, and one with a foreigner.
Changwon Wonderland in building indicated.
There were a variety of textbooks that were used, and the Korean teacher usually controlled how fast or how slow the books were used. After a while, I began to rely less and less on these books, and on my own resources. The books became a guide as to what I was teaching, and I grew more confident about discarding the less helpful parts and giving the children more substantial instruction.
In the time I taught in Wonderland, I saw a complete turnover in the foreign staff. The teachers who were there when I arrived moved on when their contracts were completed, and sometimes before. The act of leaving early came to be known as "doing a runner". I knew five different teachers who for one reason or another decided to move on before their contracts were fulfilled. Some were a bit overwhelmed by it all, and decided to return to the "real world". Some were merely taking some time to travel and experience a bit before they took up "real" jobs.
Living over there became easier as I became accustomed to travelling around the city by myself. I really began to enjoy my time when the new teachers arrived to replace the old. We formed a gang, and we relied on each other to help us through the tough times. We found that we could get together and talk shop, take instruction in the Korean language, and generally have some fun. It was a lot like being back in school. There was less "responsibility" in our profession, and we were able to have some fun with it.
Exploring the country, experiencing a different culture, is just one of the perks of the job. I was able to see the remnants of a civilization that flourished at the same time Christ walked the earth. I was also able to see first hand one of the few remaining places that the Cold War is still being fought.
The Korean people are very friendly once you get past their initial reserve, and I made some good friends that I am looking forward to seeing once I return. Yes, I am returning - if I can sort through the many jobs available - and I hope to see the people who I came to regard as my second family. One of the jokes I heard before I left was that I would probably bring back a little Korean wife. That didn't happen, but who knows who'll come back to Canada with me the next time? I'm working on it.
Well, there you have it. My first year in Korea, encapsulated in just so many words.
It left out just how difficult those first months were, and just how bad it was, working for Wonderland. I came this close to doing a runner myself, but I stuck it out and was glad I did. By the time the year was over, I began to feel comfortable in the classroom and in Korea.
Teaching English in Korea (February 1, 2002 Chautauqua)
By Alan E. Johnson
In the summer of the year 2000, I was working as a security guard in Calgary. I had graduated from university, but was unable to find a job that suited me. Security paid the bills, and gave me time to read. But it was a dead end, and I had been looking around for something better for quite a while. I had tried to get jobs teaching English in Europe and China, but they fell through.
Then I met another guard who was going to Korea. He gave me a handout that answered questions about applying for a job, the various procedures to go through to work in another country, and an address to contact a recruiter. A lot of the work can be done via the internet, which makes it easy for people in different countries to communicate quickly.
In no time, I had a variety of offers from recruiters in Canada, the U.S, and Korea. Eventually I settled on what seemed to be the most straightforward of the offers, and got my papers together. I had to submit copies of my university transcripts, a certified copy of my diploma ( the Korean Embassy in Vancouver handles that), and a copy of my passport. Koreans put great importance on a person's appearance, so a photograph is a must. No one seemed put off by my appearance, and a contract was faxed to me.
There is a website run by the Canadian government that offers some advice about working in Korea. They make it clear that a lot of what you do is at your own risk. Koreans don't see contracts as something that they have to adhere to completely. They place more emphasis on the personal agreements that people make face to face. A contract is just a guide that can be ignored if better terms can be arranged.
There was a lot of work to do before I was ready to leave the country. I had to quit my job ( that was a lot of fun!), put some of my things into storage, sell the items I no longer needed, and move the rest to my folks'. My parents were an invaluable source of help and inspiration in this. They were very happy to see me get out of the rut I had been in. It was a very emotional farewell.
I must admit to a certain amount of trepidation as I flew half-way around the world. Wandering around the airport in Seoul ( my pick-up was late), I wondered if I had done the right thing. That feeling never really left me the whole time I was there. A new teacher is not really given any extensive training - at least I wasn't - before being placed in a classroom.
Taegu from the southwest. Taken from the "mountain" behind my first con-apt.
The school I landed at was in the city of Taegu, the third largest city in Korea ( approx. 2.5 - 3 million population). It was part of a chain of schools that go by the name of "Wonderland". When I arrived, there were three other foreigners there. I was rooming with one of them, another Canadian by the name of Phil. He gave me a lot of useful information, but he was wrapped up in personal problems, and I had to learn a lot of things for myself.
I was given a couple of days to watch the other teachers in various classes before I was given my own students. There are no words to describe the fear that grabs you in that situation. A lot of what I did in those early days was made up as I went along. To tell the truth, Taegu Wonderland is not a very good school. Their curriculum is poorly organized, and there is not a lot of support for a new teacher to rely on. A person has to look inside for the resources he/she needs.
Taegu Wonderland (3rd and 4th floors)
The main reason that foreigners are there is to provide a resource for the children to listen to. All I had to do, really, is go into the classroom, start talking, and not stop until class was over. The children needed to hear English being spoken in order to get used to the rhythms and be given corrections about pronunciation. The hard rules about grammar points and spelling would come from the Korean staff.
The Korean teachers were young, pretty women. There were four kindergarten teachers, who did not speak very much English at all. Their task was to get the children used to the school rules, where the bathrooms were, when lunch is; the usual day-care sort of tasks.
The pre-schoolers (cute as buttons, all of them) came to the school in the morning, and were there from 10:00 until 2:30 in the afternoon. At that time, the elementary and middle school kids came in. Those classes went from 3:00 in the afternoon until 7:30 at night. The same kids were not there all that time. There were three sets of kids who changed "shifts" every 90 minutes. In those 90 minutes they had two classes, one with a Korean teacher, and one with a foreigner.
Changwon Wonderland in building indicated.
There were a variety of textbooks that were used, and the Korean teacher usually controlled how fast or how slow the books were used. After a while, I began to rely less and less on these books, and on my own resources. The books became a guide as to what I was teaching, and I grew more confident about discarding the less helpful parts and giving the children more substantial instruction.
In the time I taught in Wonderland, I saw a complete turnover in the foreign staff. The teachers who were there when I arrived moved on when their contracts were completed, and sometimes before. The act of leaving early came to be known as "doing a runner". I knew five different teachers who for one reason or another decided to move on before their contracts were fulfilled. Some were a bit overwhelmed by it all, and decided to return to the "real world". Some were merely taking some time to travel and experience a bit before they took up "real" jobs.
Living over there became easier as I became accustomed to travelling around the city by myself. I really began to enjoy my time when the new teachers arrived to replace the old. We formed a gang, and we relied on each other to help us through the tough times. We found that we could get together and talk shop, take instruction in the Korean language, and generally have some fun. It was a lot like being back in school. There was less "responsibility" in our profession, and we were able to have some fun with it.
Exploring the country, experiencing a different culture, is just one of the perks of the job. I was able to see the remnants of a civilization that flourished at the same time Christ walked the earth. I was also able to see first hand one of the few remaining places that the Cold War is still being fought.
The Korean people are very friendly once you get past their initial reserve, and I made some good friends that I am looking forward to seeing once I return. Yes, I am returning - if I can sort through the many jobs available - and I hope to see the people who I came to regard as my second family. One of the jokes I heard before I left was that I would probably bring back a little Korean wife. That didn't happen, but who knows who'll come back to Canada with me the next time? I'm working on it.
Well, there you have it. My first year in Korea, encapsulated in just so many words.
It left out just how difficult those first months were, and just how bad it was, working for Wonderland. I came this close to doing a runner myself, but I stuck it out and was glad I did. By the time the year was over, I began to feel comfortable in the classroom and in Korea.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Pill
I only had two room-mates in the ten years I was in Korea (whew!). The second was a pretty good guy, but the first, who worked with me at my first school, was the worst!
Imagine a depressed, angry, paranoid individual and multiply him by ten. That was the man I'll call The Pill.
When I arrived in Korea, my director, Mr. Kim aka The Kimmer, and his assistant James dropped me off at the apartment I was to share with him. We chatted for a few minutes, and then The Kimmer left, and I turned to see if all of my bags were in my room, or something, and when I turned back, HEY PRESTO! There was a Korean girl standing next to The Pill.
It turned out to be his girlfriend, who I will call Two-Na. She had been hiding in The Pill's room while the director was there. I wondered why.
The Pill started to reveal somewhat about their relationship (and his nature) as we walked to the school that first day.
This was the building our school was in. It occupied the fourth and fifth floor. The name of the school was "Wonderland," which is a fairly large franchise in Korea. There motto (prominently displayed everywhere) was "Everyone Smiles In Wonderland." I ended up working at three different Wonderlands. One was good, one was okay, and one was very bad. I suppose I was lucky in that I got the one that was very bad out of the way first.
One of the reasons this school was very bad was because of The Pill. As we walked there on my first day, he began talking about it (and its director) as if it was the bane of his existence. He felt that they were always spying on him, and that they didn't believe foreigners should be "involved" with local girls, and that is why Two-Na was hiding that night. I could see that he was in a very bad place, and it coloured my perception of my new job.
I had expected to receive some kind of training before I would be expected to teach. I think that this belief came from things the recruiter said. I didn't know at the time that recruiters will do and say anything until they drop you off and get their money, and then you are on your own.
My "training" consisted of following one of the other teachers around for a couple of days before being asked to do it on my own. Apparently The Kimmer and his aides felt that a person completely untutored in managing a classroom could absorb enough knowledge to do it alone in that time. Eventually I became comfortable in the classroom, but those first months were filled with terror that began as soon as I walked in and continued until the end of the day.
Besides The Pill, there were only two other foreign teachers at the school, who I will call Dolly and Marty. Both were Americans. The Pill was a Canadian who had moved to Texas at some point, and he constantly talked about how great it was there. I began to consider him as an American as time went by.
Marty's contract was up at the end of December (I started with about a week left in November), and he was counting down the days like he couldn't wait to get out of there. Dolly seemed happy enough to be there, and I believe her contract had until the following summer to run. The Pill's was about the same.
Dolly did a runner within two weeks, however, and after Marty left, The Pill and I were left to handle the workload alone.
The head Korean teacher was a man named Jay, whose job it was to look after the curriculum and any questions a teacher might have about it.
The disorganization of the office became apparent almost immediately. The books were crammed helter-skelter into shelves. Supplies were sometimes available, sometimes not. Teachers were given a basket with which they were to carry their supplies to whatever room they were teaching that day. Each class had its own room, and the teachers were to go to them rather than have them come to the teacher's room. There was only one school I taught in that allowed us teachers to set up in our own room. It was brilliant, and I missed that at every other school, which all asked you to "chase the students."
My poor performance as a teacher eventually revealed Jay's real role, which was to blame the foreigner any time anything went wrong, and heap abuse on them until they felt like shit. If a parent complained, or a student wasn't being coddled, Jay would descend like the wrath of God on all and sundry. It didn't help that I knew my skills were non-existant, and my performance was shite. There was no way I could defend it.
But what did they expect? They knew I was inexperienced, and they hired me anyway. Did they expect me to turn into a good teacher overnight? According to the Korean government's parameters, I was qualified enough to be allowed into the country to teach English. I knew I needed more experience and that I would not be able to be effective in the classroom without more training. I expected to receive this training from the school, but I did not. When my performance suffered as a result, who was to blame?
It didn't help that as time went on, living with The Pill became more and more difficult. His paranoia eventually brought him to include me among his many enemies, and he began to take every opportunity he could to be critical of anything and everything I did. When he saw me reading my Bible, he quoted the verse in Matthew that admonished a person to go into his closet and study privately. When I ate the last portion of rice left in the cooker, he reacted as if I had stolen the last bit of food left on the earth. I liked my toast darker than him, but he expected me to reset the toaster after I had used it to his own preference.
When we returned to the apartment at the end of the day, he and Two-Na usually closeted themselves in his room, and did not interact with me at all. I was left to my own devices, and expected to be out of their way if they wanted the apartment to themselves.
The Pill was very protective of her, and he revealed why about a week after I had arrived.
He told me she was pregnant with his child.
I did the math, and this must have been accomplished about a month after he had arrived in Korea. Fast work!
He was pestering the Kimmer for his own place, and as our relationship deteriorated, I began pestering the Kimmer, as well. It had gotten to the point where we passed each other without speaking, even in the apartment.
When he moved out, I fell to my knees and thanked God in Heaven above. Deliverance!
But the Pill had one last trick to play on me before he left my life for good.
New teachers eventually arrived, including another male who became my room-mate. He was an Australian who I'll call Gargamel. Two British girls named, um, Carol and uh, Di, as well as a Canadian girl called... Barbie rounded out our group. Life actually became bearable after these people arrived. They actually knew how to converse with other human beings. They were willing to explore Korea with me, and they were more than willing to have a good time.
Within a few months I began to enjoy my time in Korea, and my job as well. It helped to have somebody to talk to and lend a helping hand, as well as commiserate regarding the daily helping of bullshit we all had to eat.
At the end of May, all the Wonderlands in southeast Korea were coming together at a conference in a hotel on Haeundae Beach in Busan. Each group of foreign teachers had to make some kind of presentation about lessons/lesson plans. We came up with a skit about making a car and teaching the kids about directions. The Pill didn't contribute too much. He made a dramatic speech at one of our meetings that Two-Na was experiencing complications, and he had to be there with her. Then his mother died, and he had to go back to Canada to be at her funeral.
All lies.
Our presentation actually came in second at the convention and we divided a cash prize amongst ourselves. It was a bittersweet time, because I was about to leave that Wonderland and start work at another in Changwon.
Our school had six teachers and their school had five. The Kimmer explained that we had one too many, and they had one too few. I was elected to make the move.
I don't know why he picked me. Maybe he thought I was the weakest teacher, and the school'd be better off without me. It would have made more sense to oust The Pill, as he was the outsider in our group. We all worked well together and got along, whereas he separated himself from us as much as possible.
Maybe a smarter man could have figured out a way to convince The Kimmer of this, but I was not that man. His mind was made up. He didn't want The Pill to go. He wanted me to.
The weekend after the convention, The Kimmer and Gargamel loaded up my stuff into The Kimmer's car and drove me down to Changwon.
On Monday, The Pill did not show up to work. He had pulled a runner, and now The Kimmer had to find someone to take his place. He didn't ask for the other Wonderland to send me back, but went about recruiting someone else.
The Pill had fucked me over but good. The times he said he was looking after Two-Na he was looking for another job. And the trip home for his mother's funeral was actually a trip to Seoul to interview for that job.
I have never seen The Pill since that time, in spite of my intense desire to meet him in a dark alley and find out how many pieces I can carve him into. I have to content myself with the knowledge that every day of his life he is going to wake up, look in the mirror, and realize he will always be what he is, a complete and utter waste of skin.
Imagine a depressed, angry, paranoid individual and multiply him by ten. That was the man I'll call The Pill.
When I arrived in Korea, my director, Mr. Kim aka The Kimmer, and his assistant James dropped me off at the apartment I was to share with him. We chatted for a few minutes, and then The Kimmer left, and I turned to see if all of my bags were in my room, or something, and when I turned back, HEY PRESTO! There was a Korean girl standing next to The Pill.
It turned out to be his girlfriend, who I will call Two-Na. She had been hiding in The Pill's room while the director was there. I wondered why.
The Pill started to reveal somewhat about their relationship (and his nature) as we walked to the school that first day.
This was the building our school was in. It occupied the fourth and fifth floor. The name of the school was "Wonderland," which is a fairly large franchise in Korea. There motto (prominently displayed everywhere) was "Everyone Smiles In Wonderland." I ended up working at three different Wonderlands. One was good, one was okay, and one was very bad. I suppose I was lucky in that I got the one that was very bad out of the way first.
One of the reasons this school was very bad was because of The Pill. As we walked there on my first day, he began talking about it (and its director) as if it was the bane of his existence. He felt that they were always spying on him, and that they didn't believe foreigners should be "involved" with local girls, and that is why Two-Na was hiding that night. I could see that he was in a very bad place, and it coloured my perception of my new job.
I had expected to receive some kind of training before I would be expected to teach. I think that this belief came from things the recruiter said. I didn't know at the time that recruiters will do and say anything until they drop you off and get their money, and then you are on your own.
My "training" consisted of following one of the other teachers around for a couple of days before being asked to do it on my own. Apparently The Kimmer and his aides felt that a person completely untutored in managing a classroom could absorb enough knowledge to do it alone in that time. Eventually I became comfortable in the classroom, but those first months were filled with terror that began as soon as I walked in and continued until the end of the day.
Besides The Pill, there were only two other foreign teachers at the school, who I will call Dolly and Marty. Both were Americans. The Pill was a Canadian who had moved to Texas at some point, and he constantly talked about how great it was there. I began to consider him as an American as time went by.
Marty's contract was up at the end of December (I started with about a week left in November), and he was counting down the days like he couldn't wait to get out of there. Dolly seemed happy enough to be there, and I believe her contract had until the following summer to run. The Pill's was about the same.
Dolly did a runner within two weeks, however, and after Marty left, The Pill and I were left to handle the workload alone.
The head Korean teacher was a man named Jay, whose job it was to look after the curriculum and any questions a teacher might have about it.
The disorganization of the office became apparent almost immediately. The books were crammed helter-skelter into shelves. Supplies were sometimes available, sometimes not. Teachers were given a basket with which they were to carry their supplies to whatever room they were teaching that day. Each class had its own room, and the teachers were to go to them rather than have them come to the teacher's room. There was only one school I taught in that allowed us teachers to set up in our own room. It was brilliant, and I missed that at every other school, which all asked you to "chase the students."
My poor performance as a teacher eventually revealed Jay's real role, which was to blame the foreigner any time anything went wrong, and heap abuse on them until they felt like shit. If a parent complained, or a student wasn't being coddled, Jay would descend like the wrath of God on all and sundry. It didn't help that I knew my skills were non-existant, and my performance was shite. There was no way I could defend it.
But what did they expect? They knew I was inexperienced, and they hired me anyway. Did they expect me to turn into a good teacher overnight? According to the Korean government's parameters, I was qualified enough to be allowed into the country to teach English. I knew I needed more experience and that I would not be able to be effective in the classroom without more training. I expected to receive this training from the school, but I did not. When my performance suffered as a result, who was to blame?
It didn't help that as time went on, living with The Pill became more and more difficult. His paranoia eventually brought him to include me among his many enemies, and he began to take every opportunity he could to be critical of anything and everything I did. When he saw me reading my Bible, he quoted the verse in Matthew that admonished a person to go into his closet and study privately. When I ate the last portion of rice left in the cooker, he reacted as if I had stolen the last bit of food left on the earth. I liked my toast darker than him, but he expected me to reset the toaster after I had used it to his own preference.
When we returned to the apartment at the end of the day, he and Two-Na usually closeted themselves in his room, and did not interact with me at all. I was left to my own devices, and expected to be out of their way if they wanted the apartment to themselves.
The Pill was very protective of her, and he revealed why about a week after I had arrived.
He told me she was pregnant with his child.
I did the math, and this must have been accomplished about a month after he had arrived in Korea. Fast work!
He was pestering the Kimmer for his own place, and as our relationship deteriorated, I began pestering the Kimmer, as well. It had gotten to the point where we passed each other without speaking, even in the apartment.
When he moved out, I fell to my knees and thanked God in Heaven above. Deliverance!
But the Pill had one last trick to play on me before he left my life for good.
New teachers eventually arrived, including another male who became my room-mate. He was an Australian who I'll call Gargamel. Two British girls named, um, Carol and uh, Di, as well as a Canadian girl called... Barbie rounded out our group. Life actually became bearable after these people arrived. They actually knew how to converse with other human beings. They were willing to explore Korea with me, and they were more than willing to have a good time.
Within a few months I began to enjoy my time in Korea, and my job as well. It helped to have somebody to talk to and lend a helping hand, as well as commiserate regarding the daily helping of bullshit we all had to eat.
At the end of May, all the Wonderlands in southeast Korea were coming together at a conference in a hotel on Haeundae Beach in Busan. Each group of foreign teachers had to make some kind of presentation about lessons/lesson plans. We came up with a skit about making a car and teaching the kids about directions. The Pill didn't contribute too much. He made a dramatic speech at one of our meetings that Two-Na was experiencing complications, and he had to be there with her. Then his mother died, and he had to go back to Canada to be at her funeral.
All lies.
Our presentation actually came in second at the convention and we divided a cash prize amongst ourselves. It was a bittersweet time, because I was about to leave that Wonderland and start work at another in Changwon.
Our school had six teachers and their school had five. The Kimmer explained that we had one too many, and they had one too few. I was elected to make the move.
I don't know why he picked me. Maybe he thought I was the weakest teacher, and the school'd be better off without me. It would have made more sense to oust The Pill, as he was the outsider in our group. We all worked well together and got along, whereas he separated himself from us as much as possible.
Maybe a smarter man could have figured out a way to convince The Kimmer of this, but I was not that man. His mind was made up. He didn't want The Pill to go. He wanted me to.
The weekend after the convention, The Kimmer and Gargamel loaded up my stuff into The Kimmer's car and drove me down to Changwon.
On Monday, The Pill did not show up to work. He had pulled a runner, and now The Kimmer had to find someone to take his place. He didn't ask for the other Wonderland to send me back, but went about recruiting someone else.
The Pill had fucked me over but good. The times he said he was looking after Two-Na he was looking for another job. And the trip home for his mother's funeral was actually a trip to Seoul to interview for that job.
I have never seen The Pill since that time, in spite of my intense desire to meet him in a dark alley and find out how many pieces I can carve him into. I have to content myself with the knowledge that every day of his life he is going to wake up, look in the mirror, and realize he will always be what he is, a complete and utter waste of skin.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
What the ... curtule crash?!?!?
A user left a link in the comment section of the previous thread. It is hilarious.
I loved Mr. Parks last comment "Accept the mystery."
It comes from the movie A Serious Man. In the movie the main character, a professor, receives a bribe from a Korean student who wants a passing grade. I may have to download errrr find and rent the movie. :)
If you have ever taught Korean University students the next clip won't be surprising but it is funny.
I almost pissed myself laughing when Clive said he could write the test again now that he knows the answers. It reminded me of the level tests given at Ivy School ... the Korean teachers would often give the students the answers and drill them on them before they wrote the tests.
Thanks again anonymous. Great link!!!!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Don't rock the boat!
There is something you can do if you want to fit in and be loved while living in Korea. Lie. Hold back. Never say what is on your mind if what you will do is criticize South Korea in ANY way. This is advice the Toad Man has been giving for as long as I can remember. If you are like me it falls on deaf ears. :)
For the most part Koreans don't seem to be able to take any criticism, whether constructive or not. Especially when it comes to South Korea. Criticism will bring out whole new forms of stupid as they try to show you that you are wrong, or as they try to defend against what you said. Even if it is indefensible. Look at some of the Korean net nazis.
If you want to get always be loved you have to hold back your comments even if true. The only time you seem to be able to get away with some criticism is if you trash other countries, especially the most hated ones (America, China, Japan) at the same time. For example, "The street I live on is filthy but Shanghai is filthier." They will hear "Shanghai is filthier than *insert city name here*." and all will be well.
It is kind of sad. especially when you consider how much we can and do criticize out own countries at times. It is kind of Beckian. (Glenn Beck) Thinking, even in the face of reality, that your country is perfect and can never do wrong. Or rather not being able to stomach others talking about.
I have freaked out more than one class by complaining about Canada. They would give the "holy shit" stare (when they understood). A few even said "Teacher, there is bad in your country?" Of course there is, no where is perfect. Only an idiot would think their country is perfect and could do no wrong. But I didn't quite say it that way to my students.
Hagwon owners are another good example of Koreans who can't cope with criticism. (Or co-teachers in the public schools.) If you question something they tell you to do you are criticizing them. Even if you couch it in diplomatic language that they understand. Even if they ASKED for your opinion., especially if it is an idea of theirs. Once you do that you become a bad teacher and a bad person. Everything must be great and happy in the Land of the Morning Calm. Or else.
So if you want to be a good drone and always be loved by Koreans never criticizing will help you. Of course you will never be fully accepted, unless you are Korean.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Blood Money
The idea of blood money has been around in one form or another for a long time. In the west we know it best as Danegild or Weregild. In Korea today it is called hapuigeum.
In the west it was originally used as a way of preventing blood feuds when someone was killed. Today, in most countries you find it being used, it is still used to compensate for the death of a loved one. However, in Korea it is paid by the offender to the victim (whether real or perceived) of a crime to either prevent charges or have them reduced. It is a common practice in Korea and is often brokered by the police. Often the police will try and cajole people into accepting the blood money.
According to a friend (Korean) blood money is only supposed to be used to handle cases where there are no witnesses. He gave the example of 2 people getting into a fight or 2 cars crashing with no witnesses. Also, he told me the police usually push people to settle this way so they don't have to file the paperwork and see it through.
One of the flaws in this system is that the courts here see the most injured person as the aggrieved party even if it was their fault. Which can lead to sleazy assholes causing trouble to get hurt or faking they were more injured than they are just to get money.
My friend was of the naive view that this is the only way it was used. Fights. Accidents. His shock seemed genuine when I showed him articles about the South African woman who was raped and what happened.
There is not a lot of information about blood money in Korea, in English, on the net. Most of what I learned came from personal experience and talking with Koreans. What is on the net in English mainly concerns the case of a South African woman who was raped last year and the rapist offered her blood money.
Well, there is more to it than just that. The rapist stalked her for a while. Then raped her. Then she was basically raped by the system. I say that because of how blood money affects the sentencing process.
The piece of shit offered her around 5 million won and told her to leave his country. She refused it. Before it went to court he upped the amount to around 18 million won. She still refused it. She wanted him tried, convicted, and punished to the full extent of the law. Which ended up not being very far.
Unfortunately in Korea, even if blood money is offered but not accepted, it affects your sentence. The Korean legal system considers the OFFER of blood money to be a sign of remorse, which will see your sentence lowered. If it is accepted your sentence will be reduced even more.
Then you have some of the cases involving people I know. In one case, which I mentioned in another post, a friend/co-worker was repeatedly attacked by a guy. When the guy finally came at him with a bottle he took the guy down with a kick to the nuts and a pop to the head. The guy was KNOWN by the police to go after blood money from people. Yet they pushed his case for the money and it was paid. When I related this story to my friend (Korean) when we were talking about blood money he seemed to think the guy deserved money because he never hit my friend with the bottle. I guess I looked at him like he was an idiot because he started trying to justify things.
He actually gave me a bit of insight to the stupid amount of posturing Koreans do when they fight. In an interesting twist of reality he actually said the guy MIGHT not have hit my friend/co-worker so he didn't have to defend himself. But I retorted the guy might have swung fully and he would have been hit. To which he replied that then my friend would be the one receiving the blood money. Pretty fucking twisted logic. Let someone smack you upside the head with a bottle instead of defending yourself because he may not swing it fully at you. When Koreans do this posturing they are hoping the other guy will hit first. That way they can sleaze some money out of them.
Then you have Dong-Chim from my assault posts. The MAIN reason he went after the attackers was to save face for losing the fight and get blood money. A year or so after Dong-Chim was in a car accident. He actually got a doctor (maybe through bribery) to keep him in the hospital a week longer to prove how wrong the other guy was ... and get more blood money. What a fucking weasel.
Blood money was a concept that came out of medieval times. From my experience in Korea it is part of what is wrong with the legal system here. It basically institutionalizes bribery and blackmail. It allows the police to not have to do their job. Some of the Koreans I talked to, unless they were lieing, have no clue about how the system really works. It isn't a practice I would expect to see in a modern civillized country.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Shebal
Another Flint & Stig rip-off.
(to the tune of "She Bop")
We-hell-I see them every day in their pink outer-wear.
With their man-purse and their vacant slack-jawed glare.
Hey, they're not thinking of what they say,
They're looking at - Hey! - My way?!
Oop - she bal.
Do I wanna punch them when they all stare?
Huh, yea, I wanna go and throw them ev'rywhere!
Hey, that son-of-a-bitch said that I am slime.
He said I'm utter crap
And that I'm a crime.
Oop - she bal - she bal.
She bal -- he bal -- a wae gook,
I bal -- you bal -- a -- they mook,
Be bal -- Be bal -- a -- lu -- she bal,
I hope he will understand,
She bal -- he bal -- a -- wae gook,
I bal -- you bal -- a -- they mook,
Oo -- oo -- she bal -- she bal -- she bal.
(whistle along here... )
Hey, hey - they say I better go learn some names.
Because I can't understand all their Dokdo claims.
No, I won't worry, and I won't fret.
Ain't no law against me yet.
Oop - she bal - she bal.
She bal -- he bal -- a wae gook....
(to the tune of "She Bop")
We-hell-I see them every day in their pink outer-wear.
With their man-purse and their vacant slack-jawed glare.
Hey, they're not thinking of what they say,
They're looking at - Hey! - My way?!
Oop - she bal.
Do I wanna punch them when they all stare?
Huh, yea, I wanna go and throw them ev'rywhere!
Hey, that son-of-a-bitch said that I am slime.
He said I'm utter crap
And that I'm a crime.
Oop - she bal - she bal.
She bal -- he bal -- a wae gook,
I bal -- you bal -- a -- they mook,
Be bal -- Be bal -- a -- lu -- she bal,
I hope he will understand,
She bal -- he bal -- a -- wae gook,
I bal -- you bal -- a -- they mook,
Oo -- oo -- she bal -- she bal -- she bal.
(whistle along here... )
Hey, hey - they say I better go learn some names.
Because I can't understand all their Dokdo claims.
No, I won't worry, and I won't fret.
Ain't no law against me yet.
Oop - she bal - she bal.
She bal -- he bal -- a wae gook....
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Mmmmmmmmmmmm Ribs
Flint and I have been talking about posting some food reviews. Mostly it's Flint urging me to get off my lazy ass and contribute more to this blog.
But we have had some pretty good food here in Korea, and we'd like to share our culinary experiences with the rest of you, just in case you need a particular type, and are wondering where to go.
Flint and I both love ribs, and have a couple of excellent places to go for delicious savoury pork ribs. You can go to a western style restaurant like Outback or VIPS, and be perfectly satisfied, but the Korean offerings are just as good, if not better.
The first alternative, for take-out ribs, is the rib truck. This is a Bongo-type vehicle fitted out with a wood-fueled rotisserie where the owners cook up ribs and sam gyup sal. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water.
I don't know what kind of wood they use (Flint?), but it gives the meat a particular flavour that keeps us coming back for more. I remember having to wait for some ribs to finish cooking once, and the owners invited me to sit in the back of the truck next to the fire. My coat still has that smell...
For 10,000won you get a generous rack of ribs, some pickled onions, hot peppers, and a savoury sauce that compliments the ribs to perfection. The owner usually throws in a few slices of sam gyup sal as "service," but I usually pick up an order of that with the ribs (10,000won) anyway.
The rib truck we go to sets up next to the OK Mart in Gagyoung-dong in Cheongju every Tuesday.
There're also trucks that sell BBQ chicken, but the main focus of this article is ribs, so we'll go on to the second of our suppliers.
This is a restaurant called "Cho Shim," which is located in Habukdae just down the street from my con-apt. It's on the ground floor of a ship-shaped building known as "Casa Bianca." It's the landmark I always give to cab drivers when I'm wending my way home from a night on the town. Most of them know it.
The restaurant has an equal number of tables with chairs and floor seats. Flint and I don't do floor seating, so we usually get a table next to the grill where they pre-cook the ribs.
My mouth is watering again.
Each table has a grill in the middle, so the patrons get to finish cooking the ribs for themselves. The ribs come with the usual multitude of side dishes, and especially a bowl of sweet sauce for dipping the ribs. You prepare the sauce by adding sliced onions and (in my case) grilled garlic slices.
I also like to grill the kimchi and the few slices of pa-jon that come with the side dishes. I also get to eat the "salad" (coleslaw) as Flint is not particularly enamored.
Flint commandeers the tongs, and makes sure the ribs are cooked to a turn. Each patron is given a cotton glove to wear on one hand, which helps protect against burns from the fresh, hot-off-the-grill ribs.
The set-up is fairly simple, like most Korean restaurants. You go in, order what you want, and are cooking it at your table within five minutes. There's not much else to it, besides the enjoyment of a very good meal.
The staff at this restaurant has come to know us, and the boss man even speaks good English. We sometimes see each other when he comes out for a smoke, and we are sitting on the benches, enjoying a good cigar and shamelessly ogling all the Korean hotties out on the street.
After a good long feed of ribs, there's nothing like a good cigar along with some scotch or rummmmmmmmm.
But we have had some pretty good food here in Korea, and we'd like to share our culinary experiences with the rest of you, just in case you need a particular type, and are wondering where to go.
Flint and I both love ribs, and have a couple of excellent places to go for delicious savoury pork ribs. You can go to a western style restaurant like Outback or VIPS, and be perfectly satisfied, but the Korean offerings are just as good, if not better.
The first alternative, for take-out ribs, is the rib truck. This is a Bongo-type vehicle fitted out with a wood-fueled rotisserie where the owners cook up ribs and sam gyup sal. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water.
I don't know what kind of wood they use (Flint?), but it gives the meat a particular flavour that keeps us coming back for more. I remember having to wait for some ribs to finish cooking once, and the owners invited me to sit in the back of the truck next to the fire. My coat still has that smell...
For 10,000won you get a generous rack of ribs, some pickled onions, hot peppers, and a savoury sauce that compliments the ribs to perfection. The owner usually throws in a few slices of sam gyup sal as "service," but I usually pick up an order of that with the ribs (10,000won) anyway.
The rib truck we go to sets up next to the OK Mart in Gagyoung-dong in Cheongju every Tuesday.
There're also trucks that sell BBQ chicken, but the main focus of this article is ribs, so we'll go on to the second of our suppliers.
This is a restaurant called "Cho Shim," which is located in Habukdae just down the street from my con-apt. It's on the ground floor of a ship-shaped building known as "Casa Bianca." It's the landmark I always give to cab drivers when I'm wending my way home from a night on the town. Most of them know it.
The restaurant has an equal number of tables with chairs and floor seats. Flint and I don't do floor seating, so we usually get a table next to the grill where they pre-cook the ribs.
My mouth is watering again.
Each table has a grill in the middle, so the patrons get to finish cooking the ribs for themselves. The ribs come with the usual multitude of side dishes, and especially a bowl of sweet sauce for dipping the ribs. You prepare the sauce by adding sliced onions and (in my case) grilled garlic slices.
I also like to grill the kimchi and the few slices of pa-jon that come with the side dishes. I also get to eat the "salad" (coleslaw) as Flint is not particularly enamored.
Flint commandeers the tongs, and makes sure the ribs are cooked to a turn. Each patron is given a cotton glove to wear on one hand, which helps protect against burns from the fresh, hot-off-the-grill ribs.
The set-up is fairly simple, like most Korean restaurants. You go in, order what you want, and are cooking it at your table within five minutes. There's not much else to it, besides the enjoyment of a very good meal.
The staff at this restaurant has come to know us, and the boss man even speaks good English. We sometimes see each other when he comes out for a smoke, and we are sitting on the benches, enjoying a good cigar and shamelessly ogling all the Korean hotties out on the street.
After a good long feed of ribs, there's nothing like a good cigar along with some scotch or rummmmmmmmm.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Land Of The Morning Dead
I like horror movies. My favourite character is Dracula, but zombies figure prominently among the many creatures that inhabit that scary landscape.
"Night Of The Living Dead" (1968)
"Dawn Of The Dead" (1978)
"Day Of The Dead" (1985)
"Land Of The Dead" (2005)
"Diary Of The Dead" (2007)
These are classics of the genre. No-one does it as good as George A. Romero.
So it's easy to see why I would liken the mooks and ajummas that shamble through my life here to the antagonists of Romero's series.
Whenever I leave my school, I pretend I'm in one of these movies, and I have to get to my car and get home before one of them catches me and eats my brain.
I've taken dialogue from these movies, and pieced it together to provide a commentary on what I, and Flint, and no doubt many others have experienced, and what conclusions we might make.
Enjoy.
"They're ordinary looking people. Some say they appear to be in some sort of trance. Others describe them as being misshapen monsters. At this point, there's no really authentic way for us to say who or what to look for and guard yourself against. Stay inside your houses behind locked doors."
"I realized that I was alone with fifty or sixty of those things, just staring at me! I plowed right through them. They didn't move! ... they just stood there, staring at me!"
"The scientific community is focusing on the phenomenon, specifically on that trance-like state that seems to characterize them. Clearly a behavioural disorder..."
"I've only been around them a minute or two, but that's time enough for me to decide that I don't like them very much."
"They're so slow. We could just walk right past 'em and we wouldn't even have to run."
"They're all messed up."
"What are they doing? Why do they come here?"
"Some kind of instinct. Memory of what they used to do. This was an important place in their lives."
"They're still here."
"They're after us. They know we're still here."
"They're after the place. They don't know why. They just remember. Remember that they want to be in here."
"What the hell are they?!"
"These creatures cannot be considered human. They prey on humans. Intelligence? Seemingly little or no reasoning power, but the basic skills remain. More a remembered behaviour from normal life. There are reports of these creatures using tools, but even these actions are the most primitive..."
"They are us."
"I once saw one of these things sitting behind the wheel of a car... trying to drive down the street. It didn't make me want to be its friend."
"We don't have enough ammunition to shoot them all in the head."
"You want to put some kind of explanation on all this? Here's one as good as any other: We're bein' punished by the creator..."
"It wants me! It wants food! But it has no stomach, can take no nourishment from what it ingests. It's acting on instinct!
"I call him Bub... Bub's been responding so well, I let him live."
"But is he alive or dead? Well that's the question nowadays, isn't it?"
"What the fuck is wrong with you people? They're dead! They're fuckin' dead!"
"Temporarily out of service."
"Zombies, man. They creep me out."
"They're pretending to be alive..."
"The problem doesn't seem to be that people are waking up dead, but that dead people are waking up."
"What is it? What gets into our heads when we see something horrible? A horrible accident on the highway? Something keeps us from just driving on. Something holds us. But we don't stop to help. We stop to look."
"Lock yourself inside! Don't trust anyone, not even those you love."
"They are monsters. Monsters who prey on the flesh of the living."
"See?! I told you dead things move slow!"
"Morning approaches. Things always look better in the morning calm."
"Not to me. Mornings bring light. Light brings mooks. I prefer the darkness. It's easier to hide from mooks in the dark."
"Night Of The Living Dead" (1968)
"Dawn Of The Dead" (1978)
"Day Of The Dead" (1985)
"Land Of The Dead" (2005)
"Diary Of The Dead" (2007)
These are classics of the genre. No-one does it as good as George A. Romero.
So it's easy to see why I would liken the mooks and ajummas that shamble through my life here to the antagonists of Romero's series.
Whenever I leave my school, I pretend I'm in one of these movies, and I have to get to my car and get home before one of them catches me and eats my brain.
I've taken dialogue from these movies, and pieced it together to provide a commentary on what I, and Flint, and no doubt many others have experienced, and what conclusions we might make.
Enjoy.
"They're ordinary looking people. Some say they appear to be in some sort of trance. Others describe them as being misshapen monsters. At this point, there's no really authentic way for us to say who or what to look for and guard yourself against. Stay inside your houses behind locked doors."
"I realized that I was alone with fifty or sixty of those things, just staring at me! I plowed right through them. They didn't move! ... they just stood there, staring at me!"
"The scientific community is focusing on the phenomenon, specifically on that trance-like state that seems to characterize them. Clearly a behavioural disorder..."
"I've only been around them a minute or two, but that's time enough for me to decide that I don't like them very much."
"They're so slow. We could just walk right past 'em and we wouldn't even have to run."
"They're all messed up."
"What are they doing? Why do they come here?"
"Some kind of instinct. Memory of what they used to do. This was an important place in their lives."
"They're still here."
"They're after us. They know we're still here."
"They're after the place. They don't know why. They just remember. Remember that they want to be in here."
"What the hell are they?!"
"These creatures cannot be considered human. They prey on humans. Intelligence? Seemingly little or no reasoning power, but the basic skills remain. More a remembered behaviour from normal life. There are reports of these creatures using tools, but even these actions are the most primitive..."
"They are us."
"I once saw one of these things sitting behind the wheel of a car... trying to drive down the street. It didn't make me want to be its friend."
"We don't have enough ammunition to shoot them all in the head."
"You want to put some kind of explanation on all this? Here's one as good as any other: We're bein' punished by the creator..."
"It wants me! It wants food! But it has no stomach, can take no nourishment from what it ingests. It's acting on instinct!
"I call him Bub... Bub's been responding so well, I let him live."
"But is he alive or dead? Well that's the question nowadays, isn't it?"
"What the fuck is wrong with you people? They're dead! They're fuckin' dead!"
"Temporarily out of service."
"Zombies, man. They creep me out."
"They're pretending to be alive..."
"The problem doesn't seem to be that people are waking up dead, but that dead people are waking up."
"What is it? What gets into our heads when we see something horrible? A horrible accident on the highway? Something keeps us from just driving on. Something holds us. But we don't stop to help. We stop to look."
"Lock yourself inside! Don't trust anyone, not even those you love."
"They are monsters. Monsters who prey on the flesh of the living."
"See?! I told you dead things move slow!"
"Morning approaches. Things always look better in the morning calm."
"Not to me. Mornings bring light. Light brings mooks. I prefer the darkness. It's easier to hide from mooks in the dark."
Thursday, February 4, 2010
What the ... EPIK?!?!
My take on the current EPIK fiasco, did they or did they not plan on dumping training costs on teachers, is that it could easily go either way.
A recruiter getting the info wrong and misrepresenting it is plausible. God knows Koreans tend to suck at putting things out in English. Just look at the post on Culture Tips. For whatever reason they just don't get people who understand English to check the stuff.
It is also EASILY believable that EPIK screwed the pooch and is just trying to cover it up. I almost said sadly it is believable. It is sad because Korean employers tend to fuck over foreign teachers a lot. It seems to be the norm. Whether it is cheating you out of money, 11th hour firings, or worse.
Just last year the Seoul Metropolitcan Office of Education (SMOE) told 100 foreigners who had been hired to come and teach that they weren't needed. They told them this at the last minute, when the people were getting ready to get on the plane and come to Korea.
Look at how an agency of the South Korean government dealt with foreign governments when the changes to Immigration procedure were being brought in a few years ago. They didn't consult with them until after the fact. They gave out false information telling people that their Embassy in Korea would provide criminal background checks.
When they did actually "consult" with the relevant Governments it was yet another cluster fuck. They told the governments what they expected. They were told no quite clearly from most of them. Yet they still expected to have their way. The US Embassy actually had to post a disclaimer on their website about what Korean Immigration was telling people.
Bad information is commonplace when foreigners deal with branches of the South Korean Government. Just as being dicked over by Korean employers is commonplace. It is because of bullshit like this that it is quite easy to believe EPIK really did this and are now trying to cover it up.
My money would be on the recruiter fucking things up, but I would not be surprised if we learned later that it was really EPIK.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
What the .... Cultural Tips?!?!?!
Two years ago I noticed a web site. It was put up either by or for EPIK. Basically, it was meant to provide cultural tips for people coming to Korea for the first time. Much like the tips that EPIK put in the booklets they gave to new teachers.
After getting through the bad English and horrible numbering I was left wondering just what the hell was Korean culture and what wasn't. The tips ranged from good to bad to what the Kimchi?
According to the "culture tips" the following are all considered cultural when dealing with Koreans; Rudeness and selfishness, heavy traffic, cost of American brands, Konglish, andstupidity. Wow, I never knew those were cultural. What the hell?
I could dissect the list one by one. It would be quite easy. The dreck and bullshit they listed took away from the good tips. Some of the ones that really made me say What the ... Kimchi!?!?! are;
"2. People are usually kind, but sometimes not to African Americans and South-East Asians."
After getting through the bad English and horrible numbering I was left wondering just what the hell was Korean culture and what wasn't. The tips ranged from good to bad to what the Kimchi?
According to the "culture tips" the following are all considered cultural when dealing with Koreans; Rudeness and selfishness, heavy traffic, cost of American brands, Konglish, andstupidity. Wow, I never knew those were cultural. What the hell?
I could dissect the list one by one. It would be quite easy. The dreck and bullshit they listed took away from the good tips. Some of the ones that really made me say What the ... Kimchi!?!?! are;
"2. People are usually kind, but sometimes not to African Americans and South-East Asians."
An admission to racism by EPIK. Nice. Racism does seem to have deep roots in Korean culture. I was just surprised by EPIK's admission.
"7. Asking about age and marriage are not seriously personal questions."
This should be appended with "in Korea." In many other countries they are considered personal questions. If you want people to respect your culture then you should be prepared to respect theirs.
One of the things that has always pissed me off is when Koreans pull the "you must understand our culture" card. While that is true to a point you should also respect the culture of others and try to understand them too.
"7. Asking about age and marriage are not seriously personal questions."
This should be appended with "in Korea." In many other countries they are considered personal questions. If you want people to respect your culture then you should be prepared to respect theirs.
One of the things that has always pissed me off is when Koreans pull the "you must understand our culture" card. While that is true to a point you should also respect the culture of others and try to understand them too.
I have participated in more than a few Korean holiday/special event dinners. The kind where you are hammered with "oh this is part of Korean culture". I always went with the flow and respected their customs. I played the proper guest and tasted everything without complaint. When it came to having a traditional Christmas dinner out came the fucking kimchi and rice. Out came the whining. If Koreans couldn't respect ONE of my cultural traditions why the hell should I honour theirs?
"9. Individualism is not preferable. Community spirit comes first."
Community spirt should say CONFORMITY. South Korea has one of the most conformist societies in the world. At times they remind me of lemmings. It is a place where you can make generalizations (Koreans believe) and probably be right.
"13. You may be bothered by children and youngsters who want to speak to foreigners, now and then with bad words which are not intended badly."
So children running up and swearing at you is cultural? Because they don't "intend badly" it is ok? Maybe their parents should teach them some manners?
"17. There are often traffic jams on the roads in rush hours.
18. Drivers sometimes do not yield to pedestrians."
Traffic jams and bad driving are cultural?
"20. You can take a walk at night more safely than western countries because guns are not allowed to posses according to law."
Unless you are accosted by drunken Korean men using their hands, bottles, or knives. Just because a country has strict gun laws doesn't mean they have a low crime rate.
"9. Individualism is not preferable. Community spirit comes first."
Community spirt should say CONFORMITY. South Korea has one of the most conformist societies in the world. At times they remind me of lemmings. It is a place where you can make generalizations (Koreans believe) and probably be right.
"13. You may be bothered by children and youngsters who want to speak to foreigners, now and then with bad words which are not intended badly."
So children running up and swearing at you is cultural? Because they don't "intend badly" it is ok? Maybe their parents should teach them some manners?
"17. There are often traffic jams on the roads in rush hours.
18. Drivers sometimes do not yield to pedestrians."
Traffic jams and bad driving are cultural?
"20. You can take a walk at night more safely than western countries because guns are not allowed to posses according to law."
Unless you are accosted by drunken Korean men using their hands, bottles, or knives. Just because a country has strict gun laws doesn't mean they have a low crime rate.
By the way ... guns don't posses people ... people posses guns. Ricetards.
"23. Girls and ladies walk sometimes hand in hand or arm in arm. But they are not leasbians. It means kind of affection."
Hmmmm ... doesn't mention about when the guys do it. Does this mean EPIK admits the guys are gay?
"30. Koreans sometimes say yes when they are confused in speaking English."
Stupidity is cultural? I was always taught that when I didn't understand something I don't say yes.
Then again after the comments of GNP Chairman Kang Jae-Sup during the Mad Cow bullshit about how beef is cultural to Korea, the science doesn't matter, should we be surprised that stupidity is cultural?
Korea ... lean in closer to the monitor.
We need to talk.
Come on. I am a foreigner but I don't bite. Usually. :)
Bring your soju, it's ok. I will even do a few shots with you.
Ready? Ok.
Things like this list make Korea/Koreans look like a bunch of fucktards. Seriously, something done for the ENGLISH Program in Korea can't be properly proof read?
They couldn't find anyone? Not even a Native English teacher who could fix their mistakes? This makes your government program look imcompetent. It enables people to laugh at you and your government. If a department that is supposed to be specialised in English can't get its act together and do things right what hope do any other Koreans have?
The things that appear on this list didn't just appear on a website. That alone should be making you shake your heads and say "Damn. We screwed up." Similar "cultural Tips" appeared in guide books for new EPIK teachers. One of the first things they see when arriving at Korea is stupidity like this.
If you want to claim something is cultural make damn sure it is. Poor driving is cultural? Traffic jams are cultural? Hankuk Saram please!
Yes, it means you will have to listen to a Native English speaker, or horror of horrors someone younger than you who has better English. It also means you won't be putting out stuff that makes you and your country look like a joke.
It would also shut people like me up because we wouldn't have anything to point and laugh at.
Think about it Korea.
"23. Girls and ladies walk sometimes hand in hand or arm in arm. But they are not leasbians. It means kind of affection."
Hmmmm ... doesn't mention about when the guys do it. Does this mean EPIK admits the guys are gay?
"30. Koreans sometimes say yes when they are confused in speaking English."
Stupidity is cultural? I was always taught that when I didn't understand something I don't say yes.
Then again after the comments of GNP Chairman Kang Jae-Sup during the Mad Cow bullshit about how beef is cultural to Korea, the science doesn't matter, should we be surprised that stupidity is cultural?
Korea ... lean in closer to the monitor.
We need to talk.
Come on. I am a foreigner but I don't bite. Usually. :)
Bring your soju, it's ok. I will even do a few shots with you.
Ready? Ok.
Things like this list make Korea/Koreans look like a bunch of fucktards. Seriously, something done for the ENGLISH Program in Korea can't be properly proof read?
They couldn't find anyone? Not even a Native English teacher who could fix their mistakes? This makes your government program look imcompetent. It enables people to laugh at you and your government. If a department that is supposed to be specialised in English can't get its act together and do things right what hope do any other Koreans have?
The things that appear on this list didn't just appear on a website. That alone should be making you shake your heads and say "Damn. We screwed up." Similar "cultural Tips" appeared in guide books for new EPIK teachers. One of the first things they see when arriving at Korea is stupidity like this.
If you want to claim something is cultural make damn sure it is. Poor driving is cultural? Traffic jams are cultural? Hankuk Saram please!
Yes, it means you will have to listen to a Native English speaker, or horror of horrors someone younger than you who has better English. It also means you won't be putting out stuff that makes you and your country look like a joke.
It would also shut people like me up because we wouldn't have anything to point and laugh at.
Think about it Korea.
Friday, January 29, 2010
What the .... Christer!?!?!?
I just got back from work and was in the process of locking up my scooter when I hear "waegukin." being bandied about behind me. When I straightened up there were two Koreans. A woman and man both well dressed. You know what my first thought was. Hell the title of this gives it away. Christians. Even worse, Korean Christians.
First thing the woman said (the man hung back a few meters) was "Where are you from?" Her English was good. I reluctantly said "Canada." This caused her to gush on about Canada for a minute or so. Turns out she had been to Canada.
I was waiting for her to drop one of two bombs. The religion bomb or the "Do you know so and so from Canada?" bomb. Both are annoying. Instead she said "Are you busy?" Am I busy, hmmm. Just got home from work. Hungry, would like to make something to snack on. And I don't want to talk religion. "Yes, I am kind of busy."
Of course the proper response to that is to say "My name is HyunHee." My mother would not have liked my response. I knew where this was heading. All signs were there. I replied "Hi." And started to turn towards the safety of my apartment building. She immediately answered with "What's your name?"
I sighed and said "This is going to be about religion isn't it?" The guy might have understood some of what I said because he got a guilty look on his face and turned his head away. He had a bible in his right hand and tried moving it to his side away from me. HyunHee blinked and looked like a deer in the headlights. So, I repeated myself, which I hate doing and said "Religion. This is going to end up being about religion right?"
She nodded her head. I said politely but firmly "I am not interested in talking about religion, meeting about religion, or anything to do with religion. ok?"
Then she blurts out "I need your help with a presentation." Now I was starting to get pissed off. She was making me repeat myself and not taking no for an answer. So I said "Listen, I am not interested in religion. I have been bothered by too many Christians in this area. I try to be polite but when people don't take no for an answer I stop being polite. Understand?"
She nodded her head and said "Yes but you can help me."
I was exasperated. It was getting hard but I actually was keeping my temper in check. Best not to start the weekend by blowing up at someone. Then I decided to take another tack. "Sorry, I can only help you through my school. Immigration is very strict."
She gave me a dumbfounded look and said "They are?" To which I replied "Oh yes. I can be deported for teaching or doing things like that outside of my school."
Her reply was "But you can help me."
At this point I had enough. I said "I have tried being polite. I have told you no many times. Do you know what fuck off means?"
She had a shocked look on her face and said "Yes."
"Good. Then take your boyfriend and your bibles and Fuck Off! This is why I can't stand Korean Christians. I have been polite and said no to you several times. Yet you still go on. Fuck Off already."
I almost threw in the "C" word but decided it wasn't warranted. Yet.
This seemed to get things through to her. Or so I stupidly thought. As I turned to go into my building she said "But ... my church."
All I could do was flip her the bird and say "What a fucking stupid C***." Then it was just a matter of opening the electronic look and entering the sanctity of my building. Knowing they can't get in.
I can be brusque but I am not usually deliberately rude with people. I actually believe in practicing common courtesy. However, I have had this scenario happen too often in Korea and I know what to expect. Nor do I like throwing the C-bomb around in public. Sure when nattering with friends but not like that. It is just that even when they have good English nothing gets through to these fucking religious whack jobs.
Oh well. Now I can relax and plan the evening festivities. Friday night. Woo hoo!!!!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Part 4- Consequences and Repercussions
Back to the story.
A couple of days after the cops had hauled Immigration boy in for questioning my old school got a call. It was from Immigration. They were calling to notify them that I was being deported for fighting. Which is kind of funny because I wasn't in the country. I had left my Alien Card at Immigration in Incheon because I wasn't coming back to that school. I guess one branch didn't notify the other. The Immigration officer seemed surprised to hear that I wasn't in Korea. What the Kimchi????
Mind you I hadn't heard ANY of this. My friends "didn't want me to worry" so they kept me in the dark. They also didn't know if I would be able to re-enter the country. I arrived back in Korea with no problem, blissfully ignorant of what had happened or was about to. When I let my friends know I was back their first words were "Good we were worried immigration wouldn't let you in or would arrest you." What the kimchi? I was a little pissed they hadn't told me what went on.
Once again it looked like the story was over though. I started my new job and settled in. A week later the boss comes into the teachers room first thing in the morning. He tells me that we have to go to immigration. They want to talk to me about a fight was in. At first I had no clue what he was talking about. Then it the light above my head clicked on. Immigration boy was out for me again.
Two days before this Hilda got tired of the cops refusing to take her statement. So she went back to the police station with our Korean friends and bitched them out until they took her statement. (At this point the detective in charge was getting tired of the assholes changing their story so many times too.) It was pretty much what I said here. It implicated Immigration boy for physically attacking DongChim when he was on the ground. This is why I was called in to Immigration. He went to his boss for protection. I wasn't looking forward to this.
On the way there my boss alluded to me just agreeing with whatever they said. I never answered him. He brought it up a few times. I should have known he would turn out to be an asshole in the future himself. It seemed to me that the fix was in. They were going to try and coerce me into making a statement that was a lie. He was supposed to set the stage by working on me while taking me there. I was ready to tell them to kiss my fat hairy ass taking great care to lick my taint and then I would leave the country.
My Immigration visit was almost everything I expected it to be. I was surprised they questioned me publicly, at the counter instead of in a room. The first thing I told them before they could say anything was that I was NOT comfortable being ordered in to talk about this. If I should be talking to anyone it is the police. That seemed to take them aback a bit. I don't mean to make myself look like Captain Macho the unafraid hero here. I was scared shitless. I figured this would end badly. However I was more pissed off than afraid. When I get my ass up like that I don't like to back down when I feel I am being threatened or pushed around. Not always a good trait.
They said they just wanted to hear my side of the story. I told them I also wasn't comfortable with him (Immigration boy) being there, and I pointed him out to them. I said he had already lied to them once and tried to have me deported. They poo poo'd that and said it would be ok. So I told them basically what I wrote here. Maybe a little more detail as it was fresher in my mind. Then again that night is pretty much burned into my mind. Immigration boy tried chiming in at one point while I was telling them what happened. I said if he is going to be getting involved I think we should have the police come and take my statement at the same time. He was told to be quiet.
After I finished they asked me to retell the last part again and draw a diagram. So I did, showing them where I was, the 2 guys fighting, Immigration boy and the other mook standing to kick DongChim, and Hilda. The others involved were either gone or around the corner. Of course what I said confirmed everything Hilda said in her statement to the police, without knowing what she told the police.
At this point Immigration boy had to dispute what I said. "Are you sure that was me? We all look alike to you."
To which I replied "Well, I identified you on my own when I came in here today. But hey let's say I mistook you for your friend. That means YOU were trying to kick a guy being held on the ground in the head! You are real brave aren't you?" (Seriously, what a piece of shit. Trying to throw "we all look alike to you" in. I guess he knew he was in trouble and was grasping for straws.)
That took the wind out of his sail. He was told to shut up in Korean (I did know the Korean for shut up. :)) and sent from the room. I told them again in no uncertain terms that I was not happy with being called in. I was thinking of letting the police know that I was called in here and questioned like this or at least talking to a lawyer. And that now I had to wonder if Immigration Boy would abuse his powers again to try and have me deported to save his hide. They seemed embarassed and didn't have much else to say. I was told I could go. They would contact me if they needed to talk to me again.
On the ride down in the elevator I talked to my boss about what had just happened. He had been invisible the whole time. Never tried to help me, or shut me up. I said that I was worried about what the asshole would try next after having already tried to deport me once.
When we got off the elevator a short older man got off with us. In excellent English he said "Don't worry. Everything will be fine. You have nothing to fear." I thanked him, whoever he was, and sloughed it off.
Unfortunately, I had to go back to Immigration a few days later to get my Alien Card made. Immigration boy didn't look happy to see me. Although he did smile when he found out I only had 1 photo. He started to sneer and say that I would have to come back with another photo. It couldn't be processed without 2. The guy I thought was his boss had been keeping an eye on things. He came over and in English asked what was wrong. He then berated Immi boy in Korean and in English told him to simply take my old photo off my old school sheet and put it on the new one and to use the new photo for my card. And to make my card NOW. I wouldn't have to wait a week. As I was leaving coming out of the bosses office was the old guy from the elevator. Turns out (from my boss) he was high up in Immigration. He wasn't happy with Immigration Boy.
One of my friends was in Immigration the next week. No Immigration boy. We never saw him again. He was working at Immigration as his military service. I am hoping that they booted him into a regular army unit. Hopefully the most miserable one they could find.
And that ends this story.
... to be concluded in The Wrap Up ...
Monday, January 25, 2010
Part 3: After the blood falls
It still bothers me that my friends were stupid enough to break up our group ... but I digress.
Oh before I continue, I was remiss in my initial posting in explaining what KATUSA means. A KATUSA soldier is a Korean Attached to the US Army. From what I read they get the posting because of English ability. They work directly with the US military, not a Korean unit. It is considered a good posting if you can get it. KATUSA boy, who hated Americans and wanted to beat them up, was assigned to work with the US military.
Because of the eye injury, and general pissiness because he had lost, DongChim insisted on going to the police station and laying charges. Even he didn't know how serious the injury was at this point. This was how HE would save face. He wanted the fight just as badly as KATUSA Boy or he would have let it go. KATUSA Boy got the last hit in so now DongChim had to "save face". He stood in the middle of the road screaming but not in pain. It was in rage over the other guy getting the last hit. THAT is why he wanted the cops. Now he was yelling about compensation.
I went with him and BumSuk to the local cop shop. The odds of actually catching them seemed pretty slim to them. (Not to me but to the Koreans, you will find out why later.) They had run off. DongChim wanted his pound of flesh from them though. I stayed around until he told his story to the police and was taken to the hospital. They also talked to BumSuk but were not interested in me. Never even took my name or any information. It was around 3:00 in the morning and I had to catch the 6AM bus.
When I got back to the apartment I talked with my friends about what had happened. That is when we pieced everything together, from what had we understood of what had been said. I was informed of the assholes reason at the police station. They wanted to beat up Americans or at the least their Korean friends. I headed off to my room to shower and catch a little sleep. At this point I thought the story was over.
While I was home a lot more happened, that I wasn't told about. The third or fourth day I was home BumSuk sent an email lamenting the fact that they couldn't catch the guys because they didn't know them. To which I replied why not? Are you an idiot? (Time would show that yes he is but that is another story.) We know one of them works at Immigration. Thus, because of me, the saga continued. I don't know if I was wise to do that or not. It might have been better to just let it die.
The police showed up at Immigration the next day with our Korean friends. They ID'd Immigration boy and he was hauled off by the police for questioning. Being the cowardly piece of shit he is he quickly turned KATUSA boy in to the cops.
Have you ever dealt with the Korean police? You should read Metropolitician's tale of woe. I wasn't surprised by his problem because the same sort of bullshit happened to my friends. My eyes were really opened to just how much of a "law and order" country Korea is, that there is NO self-defense law, and that foreigners don't count.
The first thing the police did was ONLY bring in the Koreans involved in the incident, along with the ATTACKERS family members. Then they put them all in a room together. The family members of our antagonists proceeded to try and intimidate and threaten our friends into dropping the charges. The threats would continue outside the police station. The police even gave my friends phone number to the assholes families. They harassed our friends a lot. Of course the assholes lied to the police about what happened. Over the period of a month they would change their story 9 times. The police were considering charging our friends instead of them at one point. The ONLY reason they didn't was the eye injury. Throughout the whole month of "investigation" the police never once got the foreigners statement. One of my friends was told that our statements didn't matter.
This led to two more lessons. First, and this is an important one if you ever get into a fight in Korea. There is NO self-defense law. None. Nada. Zip. In the case of a fight the most injured party is the aggrieved EVEN if the other person started it. Even if you go to help someone, say a woman being beaten by a man. For the apologists who may be reading, yes the Korean courts did decide ONCE to rule in the favour of a KOREAN man who came to a KOREAN womans defense. ONCE. We aren't Koreans. Which is directly tied to the next lesson I learned.
Foreigners don't count. Even though we were witness/participants to what happened the police didn't want to talk to us. We were ignored and avoided. When everyone was hauled in for questioning it was everyone except the foreigners. When Hilda went to the police with a Korean to interpret and said "What about my statement?" She was told "You are a foreigner. Your statement doesn't matter. We have the statement of the Koreans involved." The Korean who translated for her knows English well enough that there was no mistake in translating what was said.
Immigration boy bears further mention at this point too. I don't know whose knob his mother was polishing but I heard she breezed into the police station like she owned it. The cops kissed her ass. This is why the gave out our friends phone numbers. He was actually doing his military service at Immigration when this happened which from what I was told is not an easy post to get. (Always nice when you have someone who hates foreigners working for Immigration. Kind of like having someone who hates Americans in KATUSA.)
... to be continued ...
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Part 2: Never break up the group
As I mentioned, when we left the restaurant things continued. The two Fucktards must have gotten bored because they left at one point.
For some stupid reason that no one could ever explain to me everyone else decided to break up our group. DongChim REALLY wanted to fight Katusa boy. If it weren't for him we probably could have defused the situation. Everytime things started settling he would start raging and cursing at KATUSA boy. Then things would escalate again. I said we should stick together, especially since we now actually out numbered them. I was ignored.
Matt and Dave took BumSuk off one way. I was left with Hilda and DongChim. And what happened next was pretty much what I expected. The cowards now had a choice go after a group with 3 guys or 2 guys and 1 woman. They acted just like you would expect, they went after the group with 2 guys and a woman. You know Koreans are never braver than when they outnumber you. And now they had saw an opportunity to have 2-1 odds. (They don't count woman as a threat in a fight unless she is an adjumma. Ooops I mean a RUBY.)
The ninth time KATUSA Boy and DongChim went at it I said fuck it. Never tried to stop them. Have your one on one fight. It was a fair fight at first. A typical Korean on Korean fight. Lots of posturing before they came to blows. Then they just ended up grappling on the ground with no one having the advantage.
Of course, Koreans rarely fight fair when they can gang up on someone. While KATUSA boy was on the bottom of the grapple, holding our friend in place, two of his buddies started putting the boots to DongChim. Immigration boy started stomping on his back while one of the Ricetards tried to kick him in the head. I intervened then and sent the mook going for the head flat on his ass. He got up and ran away. (No idea where the other Ricetard was at that point. I think he buggered off when the grappling started.) Immigration boy also fucked off rather than face me. (I am not much of a fighter but I am a big guy so it puts people off. Usually I am able to calm things down without fighting.)
DongChim and KATUSA Boy were still grappling so I decided to end that and separate them. KATUSA boy was flailing around and started cursing at me. That is when Hilda, who had been watching from the sidelines, said that I should let our friend kill him. It turns out the piece of shit KATUSA coward had ran up to her at one point while I was trying to control DongChim, screamed "Go home you fucking bitch!" and PUNCHED her in the face. That was it for me. I drove my right fist into his mouth, had a nice gout of blood shoot up my arm. At that point he decided the fight was over. As they broke up he took the opportunity to sucker punch DongChim. He drove his glasses up UNDER the eyelid with the punch. Actually it severed part of the eyelid underneath. (Keep in mind we didn't know it was that serious at the time. We thought he had been cut around the eye.) Then he ran off like the piece of shit coward he is.
That was the end of the fight but not the story. I had already learned a valuable lesson. Most Korean men are never braver than when they outnumber you. There would be more lessons to come in the aftermath.
The next lesson was that Koreans are VERY poor losers. KATUSA Boy had lost the fight, because his friends couldn't help him, so he took the opportunity to sucker punch someone rather than just let it end. It allowed him to "save face". I lost but I got the last hit in. Then he could run away like a piece of shit coward but still brag to his friends.
Another lesson was how racist your average Korean is when it comes to pigeon holing foreigners. If you are white you are American. Later I would learn blondes were the exception to this rule. If you were blonde you must be Russian, and blonde women must be Russian hookers. All blacks are from Africa. All Japanese are evil. All other Asians are dirty and poor.
... to be continued ...
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Part 1: Let the games begin!
As warned in a previous post this is a long story. While it is about the events of one night the repercussions were felt over a period of months. So I am breaking it up into sections. This is the first part. It is mainly the lead in to what happened.
My friends wouldn't want their names used so I am using fake names for them. They would rather forget it ever happened. I will never forget it happened or the lessons I learned.
Let me introduce my friends. First the "foreign" contingent (God only knows why but Koreans can't seem to have just friends, they must be pigeon holed as Korean friends or foreign friends. This should make my writings Korean friendly. :)) The Canadians Dave, Matt, and Hilda. The Koreans DongChim and BumSuk.
The antagonists were all Korean. They are Immigration Boy (sometimes called Immi Boy), Katusa Boy, fucktard 1, Fucktard 2, Ricetard 1, and Ricetard 2.
And now on the the story.
It was the end of my first year in Korea. I was supposed to be getting the 6AM bus to Incheon in the morning for a month home. Then I would return to start a new job.
A group of 6 us had gathered to celebrate my good bye. We sat around a friends apartment drinking and talking. We hadn't drank a lot, I wanted to make sure I could get up in time to get the 6AM bus. Well, Dave was a little toasted but he was in the happy drunk stage. Around midnight or so we decided to head out for kamjatang. There was a little shop run by a woman, her mother, and grand mother. Great place ... now gone. :(
The place was about half full when we got there. The largest group was 6 Koreans. One of them, Katusa Boy who was 7 sheets to the wind, decided to come over and make friends. There were no problems, he seemed to be happy drunk. He had latched onto Dave to be his new buddy.
A while later Katusa Boy's friends left. After a lengthy good bye he headed out too. A minute later he was back to inform us that we had to pay his friends bill. He started some BS saying Dave had said we would pay for them. He was politely told to piss off. Then he started getting mouthy, mainly in Korean. I understand some of what was said now but then I didn't. He was cursing us up and down. He moved towards Dave and made some threats while raising a fist. The two Koreans with us literally smacked him in the face. One on each side. It was kind of funny to see because it happened so fast and he was so shocked. His glasses popped up to his forehead.
Well, at that point his friends who were waiting outside started to come back in. Odds are he was sent in to provoke a reaction from us and it worked. (Our Korean friends never did translate what was said. They just said it was an insult that should never be used unless you are ready to fight.) This started a kind of see saw battle. They ran in yelling and threatening. Then they headed out with the adjumma screaming at them. Then some of them ran back in and left again. When we tried to leave they started in again. All in all there were 7-8 little incidents with someone being pushed down or around.
A little background on our attackers. No idea who 4 of them were but 2 stood out. One worked for immigration. All of us recognized him from their office. He was the main instigater of their group. Most of the time he stood back and egged his friends on in Korean, while telling us in English he wanted to stop them from fighting. How terrible it is. Basically a two faced piece of shit. He also knew we were not Americans. At one point early on I talked with him and he asked about where I was from. I told him that we were all from Canada (except the Koreans). He actually mentioned he saw us at Immigration.
The second guy was the one that came to our table to make friends. From what he told us he was in KATUSA. He asked the usual question about where we were from etc. So he also know that we weren't Americans before they started their bullshit.
I have mentioned that they knew we weren't Americans because it came out that the reason the decided to attack us was because they wanted to beat up some Americans or at least their Korean friends.
.... to be continued ....
Thursday, January 21, 2010
www.nicedeli.com
Do you live in Korea and crave some of the tastes of home, or the rest of the world?
If the answer is yes then you need to check out www.nicdeli.com in Busan and you won't be disappointed.
Stig and I put in an order last week. They ship every Tuesday and you should have it by Wednesday or Thursday. I got it in Cheongju on Wednesday around 1PM.
They carry deli meats and a lot more. Some of it you can get at Costco but not every city has a Costco. I have to go in to Daejeon. If your order is over 100,000 won delivery is free. Free delivery to my door, or work. That is sweet.
I ordered more than Stig. What can I say, I am an impulse shopper. The more I looked at their website the more the impulse hit me. :)
I ordered a few deli meats. Some pastrami, Genoa salami, roast beef, and a salami stick. I also ordered some chorizo sausages and another sausage (chipolta I believe is the name). Then I kept looking at the website and had to add the pepperoni box, green curry paste, saurkraut and of course some cheese.
Stig went for the deli meats too. Some roast beef, turkey, country sausage, hot dogs, cheese and saurkraut.
As soon as they had my payment (bank transfer) they let me know. They also emailed me when the order was shipped. They REALLY impressed me. Not just because of putting the order together but because of their customer service.
The hot dogs Stig ordered were listed at 8600 won. It turns out this is the BIG hot dog pack you can get at Costco. It SHOULD have said 23,000 won. When they told us the order was shipped they said that they made a mistake on the website with the price. HOWEVER it was their mistake so the sent the hotdogs at the 8600 won price! THAT my friend is excellent customer service. They also subbed bratwurst for the chorizo (which they couldn't get). The brats actually cost more than the chorizo. Like I said great customer service.
Back home you don't often see that level of customer service. The same goes for here in Korea. Last month I went to a bar with some friends. When it came time to pay our bill was larger than it should be. The waitress told one of the Koreans with us that they forgot to change the menu to reflect their new prices. My friends just sucked it up and took it. I refused to pay the extra. My friends covered it and they shouldn't have. THAT is crappy customer service. I was very impressed by nicedeli.com's level of customer service.
The order was sent out Tuesday. We were notified by email and given a tracking number. The order arrived Wednesday at 1PM. It was packed in a big styrofoam box with ice packs inside.. Everything was in good condition. I ended up sharing the Italian salami stick with one of my classes. I think I hooked half of them on it. :)
I will definitely be ordering from them again. In fact I am putting a smaller order in this weekend. Some of my co-workers want stuff too and I need the pizza crusts to go with my pepperoni. And MORE curry paste. :)
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