Winter Wonderland

I am sitting in the teachers room watching the snow outside. It looks so beautiful out. Driving in to work on the scooter was fun. While it was a little challenging I am used to driving in winter weather. Never had a problem doing it. What makes it more challenging is keeping an eye on the other driver, who aren't used to it. Too many of them drive as if it was a normal day. God forbid they slow down a little. It is always balli balli, have to hurry.

The snowfall reminds me of March of 2004. South Korea was hit by the worst snowstorm in recorded history for that date. You could say in 100 years because it was 100 years ago that they started keeping records. Cheongju got 48 cm of snow in one day. The city was at a standstill. Hagwons CLOSED. It is the ONLY time I can think of in all my years here that Hagwons closed.

Since there is no snow removal equipment around or salt trucks (at least that I have seen) the roads get nasty. On the highway you will see containers of salt/sand or bags along the side of the road. If you feel the road is too icy YOU can get out and spread some.

Back in'04 the ice and snow got compressed by drivers. Some of the ruts, in what became pretty much solid ice, were a good 6 inches or more deep. They ended up using front end loaders and dump trucks, and in at least one instance jackhammers, to loosen and remove the ice. It was almost a week before they got to some of the side streets in Cheongju.

It was interesting to see how people who aren't used to snow react when a shit load of it is dumped down. On the walk to work I helped push 4-5 cars that were stuck. Pushed another 3-4 on the way home

It doesn't look as bad today as it was in 2004. Mind you I haven't seen the roads yet.

Happy New Year!!!!

Report Cards

Something else that used to bother me but I just slough off is report cards. If you are working at a hagwon they are a fucking joke. In my first year I tried taking them seriously but wasn't allowed to. You weren't allowed to say anything negative. You weren't allowed to give a mark below C. In fact you really weren't supposed to give a mark below B. What the kimchi? So I railed against the machine. "Why waste our time if we aren't allowed to give a real report card?" "Because you must."

I quickly caught onto how to do it but still felt it was a waste of time. I would use words say what the student was really doing that our director wouldn't know, and odds are the parents too. Sometimes I would slip in the plain truth and see if it got past the director.

At one hole I worked at we weren't allowed to send any mark home that was below 70%. So you would have siblings going home with different size envelopes. The good one would have a thick envelope of tests and assignments all graded. The bad one would have an almost empty envelope. The parents weren't amused and the director would of course blame it on the foreign teacher not giving assignments or tests.

The last hagwon I worked at was great. We were actually allowed to say the truth in report cards. In one case we were painfully honest and it worked. For whatever reason within 2 weeks of getting the report card the student changed and became a good student. Unfortunately those days are done. I am at one that wants you to sugar coat or lie. What the kimchi? Why get worked up. Just play the game.

Bowing to the inevitable.

I have been here long enough that some things do kind of slough off my shoulder when they happen. Case in point being informed of changes or plans.

We got a new teacher at my school last month. A Korean-Canadian, or rather a Korean who moved to Canada when 18, spent 10 years there, got citizenship and is now back in the motherland for some reason or another on an F visa. (The reason ... well maybe in another post. I don't want to digress too much. Oh but to digress a little more they are going to TRY and pass her off as a native-speaker to the parents.)

Her first day of work and she was already bitching like a pro about Korea. The rude people. The smells. The drunk taxi driver hitting on her. Made me think I may not be such a cynical bastard after all. Then she asked about her schedule. I shrugged and said "You will probably get it 10 minutes before your first class if you are lucky. At the bell if you aren't." She wasn't lucky.

This last minute bull shit usually happens no matter where you work in Korea. Even when they have weeks to plan and prepare things get left to the last minute. From what I have heard from others this isn't limited to hagwons or foreigners.

It used to drive me crazy and would see me blow up at whoever was in charge. Then I guess I just got used to it, and the fact it would always happen no matter how much I tried to avert it. Like death and taxes this too is inevitable. I don't know when it stopped bothering me. Actually it never really stopped bothering me, I just got good at ignoring it and saying "What the fuck?"

Take today. We were doing level tests. Basically, as busy work, I had to give a short speaking test to all the kids. Pull them out of the main test. Ask 5 questions and record their pronunciation and such stuff. When was I told about "my duties"? 1 hour before the tests started. I was gobsmacked! In real work place time that is like having a weeks notice!!!

When told what I had to do I thought no problem. Ask some basic questions and the higher the level the longer their answer should be. Easy peasy. Then I fumble the ball and ask "So, is there a form? Where do I do the testing?"

Bad Flint! Bad! Never ask, just do. I was told to ask a Korean teacher who (and this is 30 minutes before the start now) wasn't there yet. I slough it of and say "Tell her to let me know what is up when she gets here." Ah, passing the buck.

Of course no one came to let me know anything and the bell went. I just kept reading Korea Rum Diary and killing time. Someone noticed the bell went and "Oh Flint teacher you must go do the tests."

"Ok. You have the forms I put everything on?" Uh oh. Bad question. I already knew the answer. :) They didn't have them.

After about 10-15 minutes of farting around. I was given a report card all in Korean and told to use the parts of it that apply. I was also given questions that they had pre-made and forgot to mention. None of this late notice or lack of preparedness bothered me. In fact I had to chuckle at it. The Korean teachers were scurrying around like chickens with their heads chopped off.

I found a room. Got the attendance sheets to make notes on. Ignored the report card. Ignored the questions I was given. (As the office manager would say himself an hour later "These questions are no good for what we are doing. How should we do it Flint?") And I did it Myyyyyyy way! (Salut Frankie.)

No frustration. No stress. No stroke. Once you accept that this bizarre way of planning and doing things is always going to happen and that it is easier to bend with it you can just muddle on. It still amazes me, considering my temper, that I actually learned this lesson. The new teacher is having trouble learning it.

Koreisbest.com now has a link to a blog site. Could it be the "creators" blog site? Who knows. But it is a funny read too. :)

Korea is Best also has a new section on ... dogs. :)

Korea Times is worse than a tabloid.

When I looked into the article claiming the Christmas tree as Korean I had to look into the Korean Times Nation section. Now when you associate the word nation with a country it is normal to expect that section to be about THAT country and things that affect it. Not with the Korea Times though.

The Nation section contains such hard hitting news stories that are definitely Korean as ... Flatulent Pig (a story from Australia), Woman's Abusive Calls (from Texas), and the heart wrenching story Me! Dog. Not horse. (from Arizona). Unless Korea is claiming these are now parts of Korea why the hell have them in the Nation section. Then again ... why have them in a NEWS paper? (Ok, every paper does fluff pieces from time to time but they tend to be categorized properly.) None of these foreign stories are properly attributed either. But hey, why have standards?

Oh wait didn't a Korea Times editor say they did have standards and policies they follow? Mr. Oh, there is a time when you need to see that the nit picking is because your paper is infested with nits and is getting worse and worse as time goes by. Here is a free lesson in journalistic integrity. When you "borrow" a story from another source and don't cite it as such, or worse try and pass it off as your own work, that is called plagiarism. It is considered unethical. I am sure your electronic dictionary can explain the big words to you.

If you want to be viewed as a REAL news outlet it is time you started cleaning up your act and behaving like one. It isn't a misunderstanding. It isn't "just" nit picking. Seriously dude. ME! Dog. Not Horse??? What the fuck???? Your paper is SHIT. Hell I wouldn't even use it as toilet paper.

After seeing that Arizona, Texas, and Australia were part of the Korean Nation according to the KT I had to zip over to another site and check out their National section. To their credit, the Korean Herald has none of this type of crap in their National section. Only Korean related stories. A tip of the hat to you for that.

The Korean Times is worse than a tabloid. Even tabloids know what they are. The Korea Times seems to think it is something much better. Time to wake up and smell the kimchi Mr. Oh. Your paper needs to do some house cleaning if it ever wants to be taken seriously as a news outlet. It seems to me that you don't care. In which case you should change your email from foolsdie@koretimes.com to wearefools@koreatimes.com because that is what you look like.

Sesons Beatings Korea Times.

The Twelve Days of Korean Christmas

The Twelve Days of Korean Christmas
Another Stig and Flint Production


On the first day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
A bill for my Christmas tree.

On the second day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree.

On the third day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
Three kimchi pots,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
F distinct seasons,
Three kimchi pots,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
Five Baek-so-ju,
F distinct seasons,
Three kimchi pots,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
Six Gay Dragons mincing,
Five baek-so-ju,
F distinct seasons,
Three kimchi pots,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
Seven schoolgirls whining (Cho-ah!),
Six Gay Dragons mincing,
Five baek-so-ju,
F distinct seasons,
Three kimchi pots,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
Eight ajummas elbowing,
Seven schoolgirls whining (Cho-ah!),
Six Gay Dragons mincing,
Five baek-so-ju,
F distinct seasons,
Three kimchi pots,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
Nine SNSDs dancing,
Eight ajummas elbowing,
Seven schoolgirls whining (Cho-ah!),
Six Gay Dragons mincing,
Five baek-so-ju,
F distinct seasons,
Three kimchi pots,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
Ten mooks a-shambling,
Nine SNSDs dancing,
Eight ajummas elbowing,
Seven schoolgirls whining (Cho-ah!),
Six Gay Dragons mincing,
Five baek-so-ju,
F distinct seasons,
Three kimchi pots,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
Eleven adjossis pissing,
Ten mooks a-shambling,
Nine SNSDs dancing,
Eight ajummas elbowing,
Seven schoolgirls whining (Cho-ah!),
Six Gay Dragons mincing,
Five baek-so-ju,
F distinct seasons,
Three kimchi pots,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me,
Twelve "Do You Know Dokdo?" T-shirts,
Eleven adjossis pissing,
Ten mooks a-shambling,
Nine SNSDs dancing,
Eight ajummas elbowing,
Seven schoolgirls whining (Cho-ah!),
Six Gay Dragons mincing,
Five baek-so-ju,
F distinct seasons,
Three kimchi pots,
Two Hanbok outfits,
And a bill for my Christmas tree!

What the ... Christmas Tree????

As I have said before, I don't read the Korean Times or Herald. A friend told me about a story he read in the Korean Times. It sounds like something you would read on Korea is Best, @koreagov, or Dokdo Is Ours. It sounds like a joke.

Korea's National Institute of Biological Resources (NBIR) has declared that the fir trees we use as Christmas trees in the west are ... KOREAN! They claim that "type specimens" of Korean fir trees were taken out of Korea in 1904 by a European botanist. He donated them to the Smithsonian Institute where they are today.

Now, you are probably wondering why it would matter. Money. NBIR seems to think that they will be able to make money out of this. They want a slice of the profits from the Christmas tree industry in the west. According to a spokesmook for NBIR the tree originated and still grows in Korea, but western companies saw it's value before Koreans and made profits from it. Which they then twist to mean they are owed part of the profits.

What I find funny is that the tradition of the Christmas tree goes back much further than 1904 when the dirty foreign botanist absconded the, then useless now supposedly money making so great and Korean,"type specimens". According to folklore it goes back to the 7th Century or further. Historically, it can be traced back to the 16th Century. There is documented proof of Christmas trees in the 17th century and beyond. Well before the dirty foreigner took the "type specimens".

In Europe there are 8 types of fir, spruce, and pine trees that are commonly used. In the Americas there are 13 types of fir and pine tress that are commonly used. There are a myriad of others trees that are less traditional but sometimes used. All of these trees are the Korean Fir?

So where the hell does the idea that this ONE Korean fir tree is THE Christmas tree? From the kimchi addled brains of NBIR who think they can scam some money out of it.

Well fuck me. Two can play at that game NBIR. Hmmmm ... kimchi addled brains ... Kimchi ... Spicy ... Hot ... Hot pepper ... Gochuguang ...Gochu. Hey! Let's look at that staple of the Korean diet the Gochu or hot pepper. Is it REALLY Korean? They have made money off of the peppers and products made from it in Korea haven't they?

Oh dear. It seems as though the pepper originated in the Americas and NOT Korea. People have been eating them there since 7500BC. There is evidence that it was domesticated over 6000 years ago in what is now Ecuador! Why that is LONGER than Korea has a history! The history of the hot pepper is longer than Korea's history! Oh my!

Once again dirty foreigners STOLE the peppers and brought them to Europe in the 1400's. The Spanish introduced it to Japan in the 16th Century and it made its way from there to Korea in the 1700's.

So, using the errr umm dare I say "logic" of NBIR Korea owes money to the America's for the centuries of use of the pepper. See, revenge isn't a dish best served cold. It is best served in all of it's spicy goodness.

Now stick a gochu up your ass NBIR and see if it turns into a fir tree. What a bunch of fucktards.