What the... Drunk?!

Well, as you know, Flint and I enjoy cigars. This week, we have been trying out some new brands rather than our usual.

We like the Romeo y Julieta and Monte Cristo's, but we decided to take advantage of the other cigars in the selection available at Maska's. We let them know our desires, and they e-mailed us a list that we have been uncontrollably drooling over ever since.

This week, we have tried a Partagas Series D No. 4, and a Bolivar Royal Coronas 25. We also got an H. Upmann Corona, but we haven't smoked it yet.

The Partagas was smooth, but strong, while the Bolivar was smoother, less strong but more flavourful. The Partagas was smoked on a Friday night, late because Flint is stuck at work until 10. So we didn't have anything with it but regular beer, which is no way to smoke a cigar. But after the work week we needed it, and it was a nice way to relax and wind down from the rigours of teaching. It gave us a chance to chat about this and that, shamelessly ogle the eye candy, and laugh at the antics of the mooks that shamble through our lives.

One of the things we talked about during our smoke was what cigars Churchill smoked. We didn't know off-hand, but a quick Yahoo search has revealed the secrets.

Churchill's cigar smoking habit began during his stay in Havana, Cuba at the end of 1895, just before his 21st birthday. He had gone there as a correspondent, and to get involved in the fighting between the government soldiers and guerilla fighters. Churchill's preference for Cuban cigars was to last him for the rest of his life (as was his other Cuban habit: the afternoon siesta).

Churchill's cigar tastes were limited to a small number of favoured suppliers. In particular, his favourite cigar brands included Romeo y Julieta (my own personal fave rave).

Churchill's cigar consumption was between 6 and 10 a day, and he maintained a supply of several thousand in a room near his study in Chartwell. Winston usually smoked his cigars down to a couple of inches.

In contemplative moments, he would let his cigars go out, and he would then chew on them as he was thinking and writing. Despite receiving cutters, and wearing one on his watch chain, Churchill would pierce the moistened end of a cigar with a match rather than cut off the end. He could also be very careless with his ash. He had a favourite silver ashtray that followed him everywhere, but he would still burn carpets and even his clothes with carelessly dropped ash.

Pepin Fernandez Rodriguez, who bought the Romeo y Julieta brand in 1903, is credited with introducing the "Churchill cigar." At 7 inches long, with a ring gauge of 47, the delicious Romeo y Julieta Churchill cigar in its distinctive red and gold band is still a favourite today. I myself kept the tube as a souvenier, and look forward to having another one any day now.

Of course, Hitler and Mussolini were non-smokers, while Churchill and Roosevelt were both keen smokers. And we all know what happened to all of them. Churchill, as a lover of food, liquor, smoke, and liberty, is one of my ideals.

So anyway, Flint and I were out on the benches earlier tonight, enjoying the Bolivar Corona, and vainly waiting for the usual parade of eye candy. The pickings were pretty slim, but the mooks were out in force.

Mookmookmookshepalchoahgesekimookchoahmookshepalnommoommookmook.

There was this one particular group gathered outside of the rib place Flint and I frequent. We noticed one particular mook smoking a cigarette with one foot up on the wooden table outside the restaurant. He looked like he was trying be dramatic and cool, but of course he came off as nothing more than a mook.

It looked as if they was trying to decide where to go. Most mooks don't know where they are going from one moment to the next, so to see them arguing about where to go is not unusual.

One person was pointing one way, and another person was pointing off in another direction, and one mook at the centre of the group was just trying to maintain his balance. It's always the way here. They drink to excess. Flint and I drink for enjoyment. Mooks drink to get plastered.

I remember coming home Friday night; the first thing I see getting out of the cab is two mooks going at it hammer and tongs. It was really funny, because both of them were so drunk they couldn't get a handle on walking, much less winning a fight.

Anyway, the group seemed to splinter, and go off in various directions. The mook at the centre, who was obviously the worse for wear, wandered into the street with another mook trailing him disconsolantly. Ignoring the traffic, as all mooks tend to do, he headed toward a Korean SUV, where he got into the driver's seat and pulled into traffic.

This is the type of shit that really gets my goat. With the number of cheap taxis and call vans available to the drunk and disorderly, there is absolutely no reason for someone over the line to get behind the wheel.

It's the kind of asshole-shit for brains-mookish-ass clown behaviour that shows all Koreans in the worst light imaginable. This is normal? People get away with this?
Fuuuuuuuuuck!

What the ... spell check?

I had planned on staying away from the Dokdo issue. I knew there was an article out in the craptastic Korea Times about it but stayed away. Then I was at Korean Rum Diary and read his post about the article. There isn't much more to say that he didn't cover.

The thing that sticks in my mind the most is the poor English used on the bracelets. They all say

"Dokdo is Korean Territory" and "East Sea is Korea". The East Sea is Korea? What the kimchi?!?!? And here I thought Korea was a landmass, a peninsula in Asia. It turns out is a body of water! Wow! What the kimchi are these morons doing building stuff on the peninsula if Korea is the East Sea? They are stealing someones land! Morons!

It REALLY makes the Korean American groups Korean American Leaders Association (KALA) and BYON International look like ricetards. They couldn't find someone to proof read what they wanted to say properly in America? It is bad enough when this crap happens in Korea and there is no excuse for it. But to have such crappy English in the US? It makes you wonder if they can find their own ass without a road map.

It is hard to take people who are either so lazy or stupid, or both, seriously. Add to that the fact that their newspaper campaigns made the Americans who noticed them think the islands are disputed.

I have a hard time believing they will ever learn.

What the ... air compressor?!?!?

The rear tire of my scooter needs some air, it is running a little low. Easy problem to solve right? You just go to the gas station and use the compressor there . Problem solved. Not in Korea.

For a country that has so many cars it is incredible to find out that most gas stations do NOT have air compressors. What the kimchi?!?!?!?

I went to four different stations on my way in to work. None had a compressor. Nor could they tell me where I could find one.

When I got to work I asked my boss if he knew of any places. He said that in Korea gas stations don't have compressors. You have to go to a dealer or a mechanic they will do it for free.

Well, the guy I got the scooter from is in another Dong. (Heh ... I said dong.) I guess I will have to take a spin over there later tonight.

What the ... obvious?!?!?!?

Why are there so many people who feel the need to constantly point out the obvious in Korea? I am starting to wonder if it is genetic. The first thing they probably hear at birth is "It's a baby!" that scars them for life. Maybe they just never got out of the stage of development where you say the obvious so they remember it. Oranges are sweet and that kind of thing.

It can be infuriating at times. One of my classes today was disrupted for a bit by a Captain Obvious. One student stood up to do his presentation when another student let out a gasp. In Korean and mime she let the whole class know he had ... short sleeves. The whole class had to stop and stare, some pointed, and say "short sleeves" like a good flock of sheep. It was as if someone had thrown a shiny object into the room. It took about 5 minutes to get them settled down because someone had short sleeves on.

These were grade 5-6 kids. They are still kids though so I didn't mock them for being so ... stupid. I did explain to them what Captain Obvious means and how people who tend to state the obvious are viewed as being stupid.

The scary thing is that this isn't limited to kids. This desire to point out the obvious can be found in a lot of Korean adults. Sometimes it can lead to hilarity, frustration, and even violence.

Getting out of a cab and having some DAK point at me and say "You are a foreigner in Korean." Of course I had to play the game so I pointed at her and said "You are stupid." in Korean. She seemed flustered.

Or Stig's favourite. It is cold out. The Korean is not properly dressed for it and keeps repeating that they are cold in Korean. Of course you are cold. It is cold out and you dressed like it is fall or spring.

Or that mook one night last December when Stig and I were out enjoying a cigar who screamed "You are cold! Go home!" Ok, he was wrong we weren't cold, he probably meant it is cold but it just makes him look like a fucking idiot.

Yes, I did say violence earlier. I mentioned this story once but it does bear retelling. I was out with a Korean friend and he saw an African-American. He immediately walked up to the guy and loudly said "You are black! You are a nigger!" Luckily for him the shock factor was there or the guy would have killed him. I apologized to the guy and told him my friend was a fucking moron with no class. The guy just muttered "Fucking Koreans." and left. My "friend" couldn't understand how he did something wrong.

At times Koreans remind me of Ralph Wigham making the profound statement "My cat's breath smells like cat food."

Mook of the Week

Here is the latest Mook of the Week. I can hear it now "Flint you are picking on the handicapped. How evil of you. " To which I say piss off. A mook is a mook.

I know the handicapped have a hard time in Korea but this guy is an idiot. Unfortunately by the time I stopped the scooter and got the camera out the real stupid stuff was over. Basically he drives his wheelchair the same way most Koreans drive their cars. Like a fucking moron.

He went through a red light to cross the road while traffic was coming. Almost hit, or was hit by?, a car turning onto this street. Then he drives the down the street almost hugging the center line. As you can tell from the pictures there are UNOBSTRUCTED sidewalks on either side of the road. Why the blue hell would you you take your wheelchair on the road when the sidewalk is clear? Actually he had the same type of sidewalks on the street I first saw him on.

I think the best way to sum it up is to harken back to the wisdom of Stig. We saw a mook do something similar on a busier street. Stig just shrugged his shoulder and said "I guess we know why he is in a wheelchair."

You sir are a Mook.

Comfort TV

People talk about their comfort food and how it harkens back to mom's cooking. Well, there is also comfort TV.

Ice Road Truckers is one of my guilty pleasures. It seems like an insane premise for a show. Yet ... I watch it and like it. It reminds me of a lot of good times I had with my dad. I can see my dad in some of the truckers.

As you may have guessed my father was a truck driver. Among many things he did in life, including serving in the Army as a mechanical engineer during World War 2.

He wasn't home as much as he would have liked to be over the years. But he was earning money so we could have a home, eat, and have clothes. He made sure we were provided for. He made me promise him I would never become a truck driver. A promise I will always keep but kind of regret. I would have loved it.

I spent a lot of my life in a truck. Helping load and unload them. They were some of the best times of my life. Dad would pull me out of school sometimes and take me on trips. I learned more about life and people on those trips. I was lucky enough to travel the eastern half of Canada

and a lot of the eastern US.

Hugh "Polar Bear" Rowland reminds me a lot of dad. The attitude. The cockiness. The skill set. About the only difference is dad rarely swore and smoked a cigar. Mind you when the old man swore ... the air would turn blue. :) You have to be a jack-of-all trades in Ice Trucking and that was dad. Little schooling but if it had an engine he could fix it.

I could see the old man doing the ice runs just so he could brag about

it. :)

What the ... Junior?!?!?

I remember reading on some site, one of the Kamikaze Kimchi Kommando variety, about the Senior-Junior relationship. Someone was praising it. He went on about how great it was. How it fostered respect. How the whole Confucian system is what makes Korea great. Kind of funny coming from somone who had been born in America and never really had to put up with the Senior-Junior stuff daily. So I quickly forgot about it.

This week it came to mind again. In one of my classes they had to do an exercise that would have them talk to one of their "friends" (classmates) and write down their answers. Well, that ended the exercise. There are age differences between the students. They had a hissy fit because they would have to say someone who is a senior or junior was a friend. They have no qualms about saying big brother or sister but god forbid in a writing exercise the word friend is used. I tried to change gears and say "Ok. Use classmate not friend." But the damage was done. Their cultural imperative would not let them do that. Friend was mentioned. End of exercise. Move on.

It struck me just how seriously fucked up the senior-junior concept is. (Ok, I already knew that, it just brought it to mind again.) You can't do an exercise because the word friend is used and not classmate. This wasn't a case of them not wanting to do the exercise, it was all about using the word friend. We did the exercise the next day, not in the book, with classmate in the place of friend and they did it with no problem.

It often leads to bullying here. The older student in the name of "helping" the younger student learn will smack them around. I have had more than one run in with this type of behaviour. The strangest involved a runt of a student named Harry. He had great English and wanted to study and live in America. Then there was Bob. Bob was TALL for his age. Harry was in grade 8 and Bob grade 6. Harry and a couple of other "seniors" terrorized Bob. Harry was the worst of them. When he brought the BS to my class I ended it, at least in my class. Bob actually said "He is my senior so I have to put up with what he does." I told him that in Canada someone would have kicked the shit out of Harry by now. I always hoped Harry's dream came true and he went to High School in America. I wonder if he would last a day before a "junior" kicked the shit out of him.

This is one of the things that was screwing the Korean National football team. The younger players had to pass to the older players so they could score. Even if the younger player had a better scoring chance or was more skilled. It was one of the first things Hiddink changed when he took over the team.

It is one thing to have a kind of mentor system going with the Senior helping the Junior but that isn't how it always goes here. As with so many things in Korea it gets taken to extremes. If you are older you are right even if you are wrong. You must let the older player get the goal. Then you have some twat who didn't grow up under the system wax poetically about how great it is. I hope he gets to experience it first hand. As the Junior.