What the ... title?!?!?

A friend showed me the cover of a Korean magazine that is making the Social Media rounds. The Catholic University Magazine.

Or as they call it CUM Story. :)

Ok, I had to take a break to stop laughing. I can continue now.

The reaction of a lot of people I know reminded me of how friends would react when I told them some of the things that happened in Korea, or that Koreans say and believe. They can't believe people would really do or say that. They think it is made up. Then they learn that the wackiness is real.

"Why would they give a magazine a title like that?"

Odds are, and this is from personal experience, the person who came up with the title is a senior who thinks he knows English. Which meant that the juniors would just have to bit their tongues, IF they knew it was wrong, and agree with him. A lot of the time, when I lived in Korea, the answer was just that simple and that stupid.

"Why didn't they get someone who knows English to give input?"

Odds are for the same reason as above. It would tell a senior he was wrong. Or hubris. They just thought they knew best and didn't accept or want any input

It does seem insane considering how many Koreans study English and how many English speaking foreigners live and work in Korea that this sort of shit happens. I think of some of the stupid t-shirts with horrible or insane English on them that I saw when I lived there.

"What the fuck does 'Window of the challenge' mean?"

Who knows? Jut another example of Konglish. Like 'Hyorish". And seriously how can this be the first thing someone noticed and not teh title of the magazine?!?!?! But I digress.

There is another possible answer, one friends and I would chuckle about over drinks. Maybe somewhere there is a Native English speaker in charge of t-shirts, signs, magazine covers, and the like. Sometimes, just for shits and giggles, he approves the fucked up stuff just for a laugh or to see if Koreans actually notice. ;)

What me worry?

I read a post on ROK Drop this morning that made me think of my time in South Korea. It was about the fact that most South Koreans don't seem to be concerned that the North is going to do another nuclear test. According to the article cited the government, media, and some politicians are concerned but your average South Korean isn't.

The blogger finishes up by purporting;

"When Koreans have lived under threat of artillery and chemical weapons barrage for decades it is hard to get to excited about nuclear weapons. Especially when most Koreans know the nuclear weapons are being used by the North to extort the international community."

I believe it goes deeper than that. It is due in large part to the whole "pure blood" and "we are all brothers" theory. They use that in order to bury their head in the sand and ignore the antics of The NorKs. Or to divert it into anti-USA crap.

Shit Koreans Say ... about wearing make-up.

"So funny how jjangkaes and japs love to make bullshit lies about Koreans. I love Korean girls and most of them don't even do make-up, which is why I always prefer Korean girls over Japs and jjangkaes."

This was posted by Grand Master (The actual title KS gives him not something I made up for shits and giggles.) Xcreaturex100 in a thread talking about someone complaining that KS is racist. It really shows the lack of knowledge these kkkunts have about Korea.

My female (expat) co-workers used to complain a lot about the comments from Korean students (adult and younger) and sometimes Koreans in general because they didn't wear make-up all the time. Or didn't wear enough. Some had students and Korean co-workers offer to help them put on make-up before class. While your average Korean woman doesn't look like a painted clown most wouldn't be caught dead in public without make-up on.


(I wasn't sure if the thread should be labelled Shit Koreans Say or Shit Morons Say ... it does bring the 2 issues into focus. A moron thinks Korean women don't wear make-up which makes him WAY out of touch.
Conversely showing how out of touch he is brings up the Korean obsession with women wearing make-up especially in light of my last Shit Koreans Say post. I decided to compromise and use both labels. :) )

Shit Koreans Say ... about looks.

"You are too ugly to teach here."

Hilda's niece ran into this kind of shit from the director of the hagwon she went to work for. He didn't like her looks, didn't think she was "pretty enough", so he would constantly tell her she wasn't a beautiful teacher.

One day, after she had been there a 6 months, he actually told her that she was too ugly to teach at his school and that he was looking for a replacement for her. Then, after she pulled a runner, he was shocked that she didn't like working there and would do that. Fucktard.

WSJ Commenters 2

The commenter known as NN really left herself open to ridicule.

2:23 am June 14, 2012
NN wrote:

I’m a Korean woman with a fluent English, 

Whoa! Stop right there! If she really believes her English is fluent she is living in a fantasy land. Just the 1st part of this sentence, let alone the rest of what she wrote, puts the lie to that.

but I think there are really ‘some’ Korean women who rather lacked proper communication skill, but wanted to take an advantage of ‘foreigners’ as well as some ‘foreign men’ (especially white) who try to take reflected advantages from those women and satisfy their fantasies about Asian women. I often felt that they are often deluded by this misunderstanding even if they knew it was wrong. On top of that as those foreigners are mostly short-term visitors, so two groups seem to take this as an ‘adventure’ or ‘escape’ rather a serious reality or commitment. However it is not well accepted here, Korea, where has really closed and narrow society with high moral standard.

Heh ... thanks for making me laugh. I can agree with the closed and narrow society but high moral standard? What the kimchi?!?!?!?

I do have several white-foreign acquaintances who married to Korean women and do not think all of them are the same as the below Korean man claimed. However it is still true that there are really lots of ‘scumbags’ here, too. They came here to find a job as a short term English teacher something but do not take their work seriously. Also they just have fun and leave soon when they enjoyed enough with some money. This is not bad at all and entirely their freedom, but the problem is that there are really some socially wrong and irresponsible people. I personally met some like this, but ‘they’ warned of me this and confessed they are doing some ‘rubbish’ jobs when they met some ‘easy’ Korean women. Personally I really could not get this, because some of them are fine as an acquaintance or coworker, but I think they still do so even if they know it is wrong.

Hmmm ... so she is saying that they are scumbags because they are white-foreigners, they come to work for a short term (a couple of years? a few years?), don't take their work seriously, want to have fun, and leave after making some money. Interesting definition of what makes a scumbag.

Or is it the ones who meet those criteria AND are socially wrong and irresponsible that are scumbags? And what the hell does socially wrong mean?

I think no matter wherever I go, I could find those people. If this happened between the same Korean people, or even American, this would not be such a big problem. However this could be serious because this is not just ‘personal issues’ but could be some ‘diplomatic issues’, too. Also it must be clear here is obviously Korea, not other countries. I think some foreigners should respect (precisely ‘aware”) of the difference before they come to here, rather than trying to apply their rules here.

Overall, she makes sense in places but her "fluent" English turns some of that into gibberish. Her last paragraph really wants to make sense but she just can't pull it off.

If NN hadn't started off by prattling about how fluent her English is I probably would have just ignored the shitty writing job she did. But she didn't.

Shit Morons Say ... when lying.

The Wall Street Journal, Asia posted about an interview with an MBC Producer. The producer in question works on the "news magazine" that aired the piece of tripe called Shocking Reality but didn't want to be named.

For some reason the producer just can't understand why the foreigners are upset. He went on to lie and claim that the report adequately pointed out that problems occur in only a few cases. Something which WSJ was quick to point out wasn't true. Someone from the Korean "media" lied. What a shocker.

I was going to write more about it and vent my spleen but decided not to. The Dokdo Times did a much better job than I would have. :)

Shit Koreans Say ... about friends.

"This is my American friend."

"My Canadian friend said he liked blah blah blah."

I know Koreans tend to pigeon hole people based on ethnicity or nationality. If you are white you are American. Black you are from Africa. Etc.. They do it with friends and nationality as well sometimes.

In some cases it is done to show they have foreign friends and I guess make themselves look worldly. My friend CS used to introduce non-Korean friends that way all the time to his Korean friends and co-workers.

To me, a friend is a friend. You don't have to qualify their nationality or ethnicity. When I talk about friends I just use the term friend which sometimes lead to confusion when the Korean I was talking with found out the friend I mentioned was not Canadian. That kind of reaction confused me at first because I couldn't understand why they were seemingly obsessed with my friend's nationality. Why would nationality matter? Then I just accepted it as par for the course in South Korea.

Shit Koreans Say ... about the West.

Sometimes Korean's will make comments about Western culture or life which are meant to show their knowledge of it but actually shows how little they really know.

I remember reading a Letter to the Editor in the Korea Times, Worst in the Nation, around the time of the Mad Cow BS. It was written by a bizzy ditch named Kim Jin-Hyun in reply to a previous letter. Among the nuggets of stupidity in her letter was the following;

Now I ask Mr. Jackson how much he knows about Korean culture. I know most Americans eat only steak, but Koreans eat most parts of a cow.

Most Americans only eat steak? Really? She KNOWS that most Americans only eat steak? She then went on to say in Korea cows are part of the family and a sacrificial food. In the end she looked like she didn't know American OR Korean culture.

The following was written by one of the regulars on Marmot's Hole, YuNa. She was referring to the picture of the naked idiots at the baseball game. It made me think of Ms. Kim's letter to the editor.

It’s not so bad..they look like they are having a good time, and it’s just part of their (probably Anglo-Saxon) culture and heritage.

While I hope she was trying to be funny I am not so sure it was meant in jest. It just comes off as a stupid thing to say when talking about that kind of behaviour. It makes it look like she really knows nothing about Western culture. If she did she would know that behaviour, in the West, would have landed the people with at LEAST a Public Indecency charge.

Nothing like showing your ass when trying to make yourself look knowledgeable.

Shit Koreans Say ... about the West.

Sometimes Korean's will make comments about the West which are meant to show their knowledge of it but actually shows how little they really know.

I remember reading a Letter to the Editor in the Korea Times, Worst in the Nation, around the time of the Mad Cow BS. It was written by a bizzy ditch named Kim Jin-Hyun in reply to a previous letter. Among the nuggets of stupidity in her letter was the following

Now I ask Mr. Jackson how much he knows about Korean culture. I know most Americans eat only steak, but Koreans eat most parts of a cow.

Most Americans only eat steak? Really. She then went on to say in Korea cows are part of the family and a sacrificial food. She ended up looking like she didn't know American OR Korean culture.

The following was written by one of the regulars on Marmot's Hole, YuNa. She was referring to the picture of the naked idiots at the baseball game. It made me think of Ms. Kim's letter to the editor.

It’s not so bad..they look like they are having a good time, and it’s just part of their (probably Anglo-Saxon) culture and heritage.

While I hope she was trying to be funny I am not so sure it was meant in jest. It just comes off as a stupid thing to say when talking about that kind of behaviour. It makes it look like she really knows nothing about Western culture. If she did she would know that behaviour, in the West, would have landed the people with at LEAST a Public Indecency charge.

Some Korean's are quick tell us that we don't understand Korean culture but think they know everything about the West. Nothing like showing your ass when trying to make yourself look knowledgeable.

Shit Koreans Say ... about medicine.

"Korean medicine is too strong for foreigners."

"Be careful when you take your medicine it is stronger in Korea."

I can't tell you how many times I heard some variation of that theme when I was sick in Korea. It was alost as annoying to hear as "Korean food is too spicy for foreigners." Even people who should know better, doctors, would spout the party line about how much stronger and more effective "Korean" medicine is compared to Western pills. The funny thing is that they weren't talking about some kind of Oriental medicine they were talking about pills. In most cases the SAME pills you can get in the west with the same name. Nothing special about them at all.

Shit Koreans Say ... about weight loss.

I need to diet.

I don't eat after 5pm because I am dieting.

My parents say I am fat so I am on a diet.

While being weight concious may not be a bad thing Koreans do tend to take it to extremes. Their idea of a healthy size isn't just different, it often borders on anorexic. It is bad enough when adults get that extreme but I lost count of how many of the kids I used to teach were forced to diet by their parents. Kids who didn't need to diet.

One of my elementary school students, she was in grade 5 at the time, always comes to mind when I think of this insanity. She was tall for her age and a skinny. A beanpole. One day she was distracted in class, it was in the evening, and seemed out of sorts. When asked she told me that she was dieting because her mother says she is fat. Dieting meant you eat breakfast and lunch. Come 5pm she wasn't allowed to eat anything. So if she didn't get supper by then she was shit out of luck until the morning. Bloody insane.

Fine, you are an adult and want to show everyone your ribs, it is your perogative to be stupid. But to force that insanity on your kids? You should be smacked up the side of the head.

Shit Koreans Say ... about E-2 Visa Qualifications.

It's a clear fact that most English teachers working in Korea are not qualified to teach a language. They just grew up in English countries.

How many times have you seen or heard some version of the above from Koreans? Their media, politicians, bloggers, and average mook on the street parrot the refrain. But is it true?

Let's see, to qualify for an E-2 Visa to teach English in South Korea you must ;

1) Have at least a Bachelor of Arts Degree in ANY subject

2) Be a Native English Speaker (THAT rule is being bent to allow Philippinos to come and teach.)

3) Pass a Criminal Background Check

4) Pass a drug test

5) be somewhat healthy

That is it. Only one of the 5 really pertain to education. You do NOT have to be qualified as a teacher in your home country. A TESOL certificate is NOT required. If you meet those criteria you ARE qualified to teach English in South Korea by the South Korean government. Which would make you, in South Korea, QUALIFIED to teach.

For some reasons the miscreants, morons, and malcontents who have their panties in a bunch over foreigners being in South Korea can't wrap their head around that simple fact. And then they wonder why people have a low opinion of their intelligence.

Shit Koreans Say ... about Blood Types.

"What is your blood type?"

"(Insert name of Korean Celeb here) is blood type (whatever)."

At times Koreans seem to be obsessed with blood types. If you look at fan sites for celebrities most will actually have the star's blood type listed. Every Korean knows their blood type.

My students were flabergasted when I told them I didn't know my blood type. When I told them most Canadians, at least the ones I know, don't know their blood type, they thought I was joking. So, I asked why they needed to know a person's blood type. The answer was because it tells you their personality.

Evidently there is a school of thought that says your personality is linked to your blood type. Blood type B can make a bad significant other according to the "study". Most Koreans I knew believe in personality based on blood type. Much like a lot of Westerners believe in horoscopes. I had one Middle School student who was obsessed with the group TVXQ. She knew the blood type of each member. That was kind of ... creepy.

When I looked up blood type personality I was a little surprised that Koreans put any credence in it. It was developed by the Japanese. Considering the level of hatred Koreans seem to have for the Japanese it seems strange that they would embrace the idea of personality by blood type.

Shit Koreans Say ... about Canadians.

"You can't be cold you are from Canada."

"All Canadians love the cold."

I have heard many variations of those comments when in Korea. Hilda always got bent out of shape when Koreans would say that to her. Koreans seem to have the simplistic idea that because Canada is cold at times Canadians must love the cold or not be bothered by it. Using that type of "logic" Arabs must love the heat and not need to wear any protection from the sun.

I love winter weather. I don't get cold as quickly as some people. That doesn't mean I want to prance around in my skivvies when it is -10 out. One of the reasons I like winter weather is that, unlike hot weather, you can always put on another layer of clothing to keep warm. You can only strip down so far without being arrested for indecent exposure when it is hot.

Shit Koreans Say ... about understanding culture.

"You must understand Korean culture."

"You don't understand Korean culture."

This is kind of an offshoot of the last Shit Koreans Say. The above comments are often made by Koreans when they do something wrong and you catch them. When they either can't or don't want to explain something. Or when they are wrong and know it. Or as a commenter pointed out in the last post they claim something they did wrong in another country is "A Korean thing."

I can't find a link to the article I saw several years back but I did find a copy of it on a website. It is titled "A Korean father's lesson on raising cane." The father tried to pull the culture card. Interesting quote from his lawyer.

"The father didn't realize he was subject to Canadian laws governing assault nor did he know that his form of discipline was illegal."

Yeah. Right. Someone should have told his client that he MUST UNDERSTAND CANADIAN CULTURE. And then beat him 300 times with a stick and tell him to accept the mystery.

Shit Korean's Say ... about the seasons.

"Did you know that Korea has four distinctive seasons?"

Since it is "the Season" I figured it would be a good time to address the shit Korean's say about the four seasons.

Korean's, old or young, sometimes seem obsessed with the fact their country has four seasons. They seem to think that they are the ONLY country that has four seasons.You will get the strangest looks when you tell them that your country also has four seasons. It is as if they can't believe other countries have them as well.

If you really want to give them a headache tell them that countries like Australia have a winter. They just can't wrap their mind around that one.

They will prattle one about Korea's four distinctive seasons in the most insane places. Writing a book or handout about Muslim food in Korea? Then you just have to bring up Korea's four distinctive seasons. Don't you?

When you add the fact that an older Korean told them Korea has four distinctive seasons and no one else does you get a further problem. If they were told it by a Korean it must be true and any foreigner who says otherwise is wrong. (And I have had Korean adults use similar "logic".)

I had students get irate when I said there were 7 continents. Their KOREAN teacher in school told them there were 6. In the end their only justification for me being wrong is that a Korean told them there were 6. It didn't matter how much evidence you showed them to the contrary, and after the Mad Cow bullshit we all know what Koreans think of things like scientific evidence. The Korean teacher said there were 6 continents so there are 6. So they refused to believe their are 7. This kind of mentality just makes it harder for them to believe that countries other than Korea have 4 distinctive seasons. It also kind of makes them look like morons.

Sorry to burst your bubble Korea but MANY countries have four distinctive seasons.

Shit Koreans Say ... about things.

Do you know Dokdo?

Do you know Kimchi?

Do you know TaeKwanDo?

Do you know Kim YuNa?

Do you know (insert something Korean here) ?

I wish I had a dollar for every time a Korean used the phrase when talking about something Korean to a foreigner. You would have almost as much money as you would have if you got a dime every time a Korean said they were cold. It is usually used in a way that is grammatically wrong and just sounds inane.

Do you know Kim YuNa?

No, not personally but I have heard about her.

Do you know kimchi? It is a spicy Korean food.

I have lived in korea for 9 years. Are you a moron?

One of my old students, he is in University now, wrote me a letter and said

You know LG? It's one of the korea's global company.

Bad grammar aside, it is a stupid thing to ask someone who has lived in Korea for 9+ years. Of course I know about LG. You can't live in Korea and not know LG. Actually, we talked about Korean companies in a class he attended. Evidently he doesn't remember that.

It is like they think they are telling you some nugget of information that ONLY a Korean would know but that anyone living in Korea would know. And a lot of times if you didn't know it you wouldn't care.

I remember one incident with Korean Christer's. Two women showed up at my door with their bibles. They spoke no English but figured it would be good to natter on in Korean. I ummm conveyed my non-interest to them and they left. Five to ten minutes later my door bell went again. They were back with a dictionary. The first words out of their mouths was ...

Do you know passover?

Seriously? What the kimchi? And if I said yes what would or could they say in English? Or would they expect me to wait while they translated what they wanted to say word for word? Fucking morons. I replied

Yes. And I know Dokdo and couldn't give a fuck about either.

Then I said bye and shut the door. Korean Christians. Gahhhhh!!!!!!

Koreans seem to abuse "Do you know ... ?" more than any other English phrase.

Shit Koreans Say ... about cold weather.

"Cho ah! Cho ah! Cho ah!"

Writing it just doesn't do justice to the whiney sound many Koreans make when saying this. What are they saying? They are letting everyone know they are cold. Why are they cold? Odds are they didn't dress for the weather.

It is nothing during the coldest part of the winter to see Korean women going around in mini skirts, or men wearing just a blazer. One of the strangest sights I saw was a Korean woman with a big puffy parka, furry boots, and a micro mini skirt with no hose/leggings. And surprise surprise she was going on and on about being cold. They say it like it is some mantra that will magically keep them warm.

Now if they were dressed for the weather and still cold I could understand the whining to a degree. But when they consciously dress improperly they need to shut the fuck up, go home, and get the proper clothes.

One of the most bizarre sights I saw many times when walking home in the winter was middle school kids wrapped up in blankets. Their parents send them to schools, many of which aren't heated, in their school uniform and NO winter jacket. Often they wear the bathroom sandals and not proper foot wear even in the winter. So, they bring a blanket to wrap up in to keep warm.

"Teacher cold."

"You are cold."

You hear things like that from students of all ages. Instead of saying they are cold they tell me that I am cold. To which I reply "No. I'm warm." This of course perplexes them and they usually just repeat their initial comment a few times thinking it will magically mean what they want it to. I give them a little time to self correct and then tell them that they wanted to say "Teacher, I am cold." and explain why what they said was wrong. Then they smile and say "Teacher, I am cold." to which 9 times out of 10 I reply "I'm not." and continue the original lesson.

When the classes are too hot you actually get the opposite comments. The students are hot and want a window open or the air conditioner on. They are wearing their winter jackets (my students never brought a blanket to class), which are zipped up tight, and absolutely refuse to take off their jacket or even open it up. They will sit there soaking in their own sweat, and stinking up the room rather than take their jacket off. Why? Because it is winter and you should wear your jacket, and no one else has theirs off and they don't want to be the odd man out. One of the problems of living in a conformist society, conforming can lead you to be uncomfortable and you won't get comfortable because you must conform.

"You are cold. Go home."

Ah mooks. They do make life interesting. It isn't bad enough you have slack jawed yokels pointing, staring, and telling you that you are cold. Sometimes you run into an uber-mook who will shout some stupid statement at you and run away.

Shit Koreans Say ... about education.

"If you sleep more than 4 hours a day you are a lazy student."

I was talking about studying with one of my middle school classes. The topic turned to how much time they spend studying a day. That is when one of my students told me that a teacher told him he was a lazy student because he got 6 hours sleep a night. The rest of the class said they have all heard it from teachers as well.

It is a good way of summing up just how crazy things are in Korea when it comes to studying. No wonder they have the highest teen suicide rate in the OECD.

Shit Koreans Say ... about Dokdo.

"Do you know Dokdo?"

How many times, and in how many ways have you heard Koreans go on about Dokdo? They seem to think that the world must not just know about them but must fanatically agree that they are Korean. Whether I believe the Korean claims or not, it does make them sound like a bunch of whack jobs the way they go on at times.

One of the best examples is a song about Dokdo I found on YouTube. Some of the things it says are ...

"Everybody wants to be there 'cause of the holy Sights

Everybody wants to be there hoping to meet Seagulls."

"Foolish men start to say silly empty talks."

"Yes, nobody is greedy for them 'cause of the holy Sights."

"Dokdo Dokdo I'll keep it for my sake."

I could go on and on. The song is pretty much crap with a lot of nonsensical English.

The Liancourt Rocks, errr Dokdo, is another one of those topics that you just can't talk about logically with Koreans. Nutizens have stalked and harassed people who said they believed the rocks belong to Japan. I remember hearing about one foreigner working at a University who made a web page looking at the issue and saying he believed Japan's claim. The nutizens tracked him down, posted his personal information, and started calling his university complaining. While he wasn't fired ... for "some reason" he wasn't re-hired.

A group of protesters wanted to show the world how evil Japan is to claim the rocks. So, in front of invited media, they bludgeoned pheasants to death, slurped up some of their innards, and threw the carcasses at the Japanese Embassy. This showed that who was evil?!?!?!?

So, if you are in Korea and are asked about Dokdo it is safer to just blindly agree that it is Korean than to actually try and discuss the issue. Unless you want a confrontation that you just can't win with reason.

"Do you know Dokdo?"

"Yes, and I don't really give a shit. I call them the Liancourt Rocks. Now fuck off."

A lot of countries have disputes over places but I know of none who go to the lengths Koreans do over them. At times shooting themselves in the foot in their drive to prove they are in the right.