Friday, December 31, 2010

RCMP Criminal Background Check

A reader emailed me about his travails getting an RCMP Criminal Background Check, including the vulnerable sector search. He was told "something" showed up in the search and he would have to submit fingerprints to clear it. "Something", according to the RCMP, could have been a similar name or even birthday to an offender.

So, he submitted his prints 2+ months ago. This week he was called to come in. They had his CBC but now, after all the BS and waiting he went through, the RCMP does NOT do the Vulnerable Sector Search if you are getting it for a job OUTSIDE of Canada, even if you are working for a Canadian company abroad. He wasn't told why or when this decision was made, just that it is the new policy.

They gave him a photocopy of some handout which was meant to answer any questions. Why did he have to submit fingerprints when they were going to do the VSS?

"As a result of the enhancement, a Vulnerable Sector Search now requires the submission of fingerprints whenever the gender and date of birth of an applicant match to an existing pardoned sex offender record. This is not an accusation of criminality, but a requirement for a thorough verification to confirm identity and protect personal privacy. In addition to verifying an individual's association with a criminal offence ( including pardoned sex offences) fingerprints are also submitted to CCRTIS for the purpose of certifying an individual does not have criminal record information that can be disclosed in accordance with federal laws."

So if you are a man and have the same birthdate as a sex offender who was pardoned YOU are automatically flagged to be checked. I am all for a deep check, and would have no qualms about submitting to it since I know the fingerprints would clear me, but it just seems a tad anal. You are suspicious because of your gender and birthdate?

If not explained properly to people, and at the cop shop it wasn't explained properly to my reader, it can lead to a lot of headaches for the person. He was thinking his name was flagged for doing something wrong at first and couldn't understand what the hell was going on.

It seems to me that just saying we now do a fingerprint check in all cases would have been a better way to go. Since that is pretty much what they have ended up doing.

And why the hell not do the Vulnerable Sector Search if they are going to work outside of Canada? Wouldn't it be better to make sure they aren't on it before letting them go work with kids or disabled abroad?!?!?

I would be PISSED to no end if I waited almost 3 months for my CBC with VSS to be told in the end that I waited, got fingerprinted, and paid out money to be given just a basic CBC and told I can't get the VSS.

Shit Korean's Say ... about the seasons.

"Did you know that Korea has four distinctive seasons?"

Since it is "the Season" I figured it would be a good time to address the shit Korean's say about the four seasons.

Korean's, old or young, sometimes seem obsessed with the fact their country has four seasons. They seem to think that they are the ONLY country that has four seasons.You will get the strangest looks when you tell them that your country also has four seasons. It is as if they can't believe other countries have them as well.

If you really want to give them a headache tell them that countries like Australia have a winter. They just can't wrap their mind around that one.

They will prattle one about Korea's four distinctive seasons in the most insane places. Writing a book or handout about Muslim food in Korea? Then you just have to bring up Korea's four distinctive seasons. Don't you?

When you add the fact that an older Korean told them Korea has four distinctive seasons and no one else does you get a further problem. If they were told it by a Korean it must be true and any foreigner who says otherwise is wrong. (And I have had Korean adults use similar "logic".)

I had students get irate when I said there were 7 continents. Their KOREAN teacher in school told them there were 6. In the end their only justification for me being wrong is that a Korean told them there were 6. It didn't matter how much evidence you showed them to the contrary, and after the Mad Cow bullshit we all know what Koreans think of things like scientific evidence. The Korean teacher said there were 6 continents so there are 6. So they refused to believe their are 7. This kind of mentality just makes it harder for them to believe that countries other than Korea have 4 distinctive seasons. It also kind of makes them look like morons.

Sorry to burst your bubble Korea but MANY countries have four distinctive seasons.

Season's Beatings

Well, turnabout is fair play.
The Korean Times (The Worst In The Nation) printed a cartoon depicting a US Predator Drone, decked out for Christmas, killing an Arab child.
Flint and I have our response:

Monday, December 27, 2010

Shit Koreans Say ... about things.

Do you know Dokdo?
Do you know Kimchi?
Do you know TaeKwanDo?
Do you know Kim YuNa?
Do you know (insert something Korean here) ?

I wish I had a dollar for every time a Korean used the phrase when talking about something Korean to a foreigner. You would have almost as much money as you would have if you got a dime every time a Korean said they were cold. It is usually used in a way that is grammatically wrong and just sounds inane.

Do you know Kim YuNa?
No, not personally but I have heard about her.

Do you know kimchi? It is a spicy Korean food.
I have lived in korea for 9 years. Are you a moron?

One of my old students, he is in University now, wrote me a letter and said

You know LG? It's one of the korea's global company.

Bad grammar aside, it is a stupid thing to ask someone who has lived in Korea for 9+ years. Of course I know about LG. You can't live in Korea and not know LG. Actually, we talked about Korean companies in a class he attended. Evidently he doesn't remember that.

It is like they think they are telling you some nugget of information that ONLY a Korean would know but that anyone living in Korea would know. And a lot of times if you didn't know it you wouldn't care.

I remember one incident with Korean Christer's. Two women showed up at my door with their bibles. They spoke no English but figured it would be good to natter on in Korean. I ummm conveyed my non-interest to them and they left. Five to ten minutes later my door bell went again. They were back with a dictionary. The first words out of their mouths was ...

Do you know passover?

Seriously? What the kimchi? And if I said yes what would or could they say in English? Or would they expect me to wait while they translated what they wanted to say word for word? Fucking morons. I replied

Yes. And I know Dokdo and couldn't give a fuck about either.

Then I said bye and shut the door. Korean Christians. Gahhhhh!!!!!!

Koreans seem to abuse "Do you know ... ?" more than any other English phrase.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Japanese Korean players choose ... Japan.

One of the latest bugaboos of the Kimchi Kamikaze Kommandoes is that ethnic Koreans in Japan are deciding to declare themselves as Japanese and play for the Japanese National teams in sport like soccer.

The KKKunts have their panties in a bunch over this. One in particular, Indicunt errr Indicut, asked if they were not traitors. (He seems to be the type of person who would declare someone from Australia who does something against American interests a traitor to America.)

So someone declaring their nationality, when they have a choice of two, is a traitor if they don't choose South Korea? Wow. How many traitors are running around in the US or Canada by that standard?

They tried to be "Korean" by South Korean standards, were treated like shit and outsiders, so they decided to declare themselves Japanese. Which was their CHOICE. And according to the KKKunts they are traitors. How dare they not accept being treated like shit and say they are Korean even though Korea doesn't want them.

Of course, when biracial Koreans do well South Koreans are quick to declare them to be "Korean." Look at what the bulls shit Hines Ward's mother went through which made her leave South Korea. She was treated like crap by her family and they were spat at because his father was African-American. Now that he is famous he is wanted.

Once Ward was the Superbowl MVP he was all of a sudden accepted and wanted in Korea. Even Roh MooHyun had to meet with him and acknowledge what a great Korean Hines now was. Not a superstar of some sort and "half Korean" you are scum. become a superstar and all of a sudeen you are Korean and loved.

They had a choice, to declare as South Korean or Japanese. They were treated like shit by South Koreans and choose Japan. Which means they are Japanese. Hard to be a traitor to South Korea when they are Japanese.

Yes, KKKunts, those guys are horrible traitors for choosing their "Japanese" side over their "Korean" side after they were treated like shit by Koreans and not by the Japanese. (Wish I could do an eye roll there.) You stupid fucking mooks. You wonder wonder why they would choose Japan over Korea? Fucking assholes like you! You wonder why people think Koreans are racist? Fucking assholes like you. You wonder why Hines Ward's mothers left Korea with him and still feels animosity to Korea? Fucking assholes like you.

So keep up the bad work and keep giving South Korea and Koreans a bad name.

The Krazy Kimchi Kommandos

A Song Parody By Flint And Stig

(to the tune of Trooper's "The Boys In The Bright White Sports Car")

Here they come,
The Krazy Kimchi Kommandos.
Raging at foreigners.
"Who the fuck do they think they are?"
"Why the fuck did they come this far?"

There they go,
The Krazy Kimchi Kommandos.
Printing all their lies.
It's Kang Shin-who the ass,
And Herr Konsoleman, full of gas.

Ladadada, Ladadada-da.
Ladadada, Ladadada-da.

There they go.
Those dolts are barely thinkin'.
'Cause if they gave it a single thought,
They'd realize they've been drinkin', too much soju!

There they go,
The Krazy Kimchi Kommandos.
Some ajumma called the KKKKops,
Said her virginity had been stolen, stolen!

There they go,
The Krazy Kimchi kommandos,
Raging at foreigners,
"Who the fuck do they think they are?"
"Why the fuck did they come this far?"

Ladadada, Ladadada-da.
Ladadada, Ladadada-da.

What the ... UFO Fanatic?!?!?

Bwahahahahaha .... the Terrible err Korea Times has an article about UFO Fantics!!!! The Korea Times, which has stolen errr reposted stories without proper attribution from many papers around the world about UFO's talking about fanatics? What would one call a paper/editor who seems so obsessed with reprinting, without proper attribution, so many stories about UFO's? (And this one, like some of the others, was the NUMBER TWO headline in the "Korean" paper even though it had nothing to do with Korea.) UFO fanatics? :)

What the ... freak?!?!?

You know, I could pull up a lot of posts made by Herr Consoleman that show him to be an extreme racist piece of shit. However, all that needs to be shown is his latest comment in a thread at the Kamikaze Kimchi Kommando site.

One of the KKKunts reposted an article about a German father castrating his daughters boyfriend with a bread knife. Regardless of the reasons for the father's actions, Herr conesoleman's reponse was to post;

"Dame that was hardcore... anyway it's good that that German freak was castrated, I wish they do that to these old esl who's banging young Korean girls."

But hey, he doesn't think he is a racist or an extremist. Mind you he also thinks his English is good. Speaking of freaks Herr Consoleman what is your signature? Oh yeah;

"Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast The First Stone"

Watch out for the stones asshole.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Interesting TIMES's article.

A tip of the Santa Hat to Brian for posting a TIME article. (TIME magazine not the piece of shit we know as the Korea Times which is part of the problem.) It seems that the issue of ONLY testing E2- VISA holders for HIV in South Korea has reached TIME magazine. As has the bile the Anti-English Spectrum assholes perpetuate.

There are a few things in the TIME article I have trouble with.

More than a century later, South Korea, a thriving nation of 50 million, is coming to terms with a different sort of outsider: foreign English teachers.

I don't see them coming to grips with it yet. If you look at the government policies and media bullshit the anti-foreigner sentiment is being encouraged and perpetuated rather than seeing Koreans coming to terms with it in a rational manner.

"Lee, of course, doesn't speak for all — or even most — Koreans."

Actually, I found he does speak for a lot of Koreans. Thanks to the anti-foreigner shit spread by the Korean media it has heightened their natural xenophobia when it comes to foreigners. This was picked up by the government as well as some companies who also pander to it and give it legitimacy.

But every few years, a fresh wave of anti-foreign teacher sentiment shines a light on the nation's lingering xenophobia.

Except it hasn't been every few years. It has been pretty constant the last few years. The HIV test wasn't introduced this year nor is the controversy over it new. What is new is that the Korean government has basically admitted to how much bullshit it really is, and that they don't see foreigners as a real threat. They are just pandering to the xenophobic bullshit.

"We've decided to ease the rules as HIV is not transmitted through air or water but through human contact most of the time," a health official official told the press last month. Another official from the Ministry of Education also waffled on the reasons for keeping the teacher tests: Mandatory HIV/AIDS testing for foreign English teachers "does not mean the government regards foreign teachers to be HIV positive or have the potential of transmission," he said. "It is just intended to assure the parents."

We know you aren't a threat but because Koreans are so bigoted when it comes to foreigners we are going to treat you like you are one. Unless you marry a Korean, in that case you aren't a threat. Like I said ... not rational.

Overall it was an interesting article and it is nice to see some of the bullshit foreigners deal with in Korea being discussed in the western media.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas 2009

I was looking through some pictures from Christmas last year and came across Santa Klaus.

Stig and I had a great Christmas dinner at the rib place and were enjoying scotch and a Churchill on the benches across the street. The bar had someone dressed up as Santa. One of the friendliest Koreans I have ever met. He was handing out candy to kids, and women, passing by. His English wasn't that great but he got by.

It turns out he was the manager of the bar. The owner ended up coming up out. (I may have it backwards ... manager came out and owner in costumes. A little help Stig!) His English was great. We talked with them a bit and extended Christmas greetings.

It made for a nice interlude in a great evening.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas Memories

One of the best Christmas' I had in Korea was in my 5th year. Dinner with friends at Riccone. Great food and company. Then we went to Albatross for scotch and cigars. We wound the night up at Road King with more friends and drinking.

The atmosphere at all places was good. Christmas music at Road King ... not like in later years when it was some type of screaming music that just didn't fit a Christmas Eve.

Good times.

I always enjoyed Christmas at my hagwon the last 4 years or so. We would always do some kind of Christmas activities with kids and watch a Christmas Movie. I bought Jim Carey's version of the Grinch with Korean subtitles so we could show it to the students. I would always have the Santa hat and beard, no suit though unfortunately.

Good times.

I find I miss some of that right now. Mind you it is very nice to be with family for a change. It has been 5 years since I was home for Christmas and it feels good.

I hope you and yours have a Merry Christmas and a great New Year.

To the mooks ... may you get your Season's Beatings. :)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The lesser of two evils?

What is worse ... a person who complains about where they are (like Korea) or a person that complains about people who complain about where they are (Korea)?

I find the latter can be divided into two categories. Those who have had something bad happen and need to vent and those who just like to complain. You can usually tell the two apart because the person who just likes to complain will never find anything good to say about the place.

I find the people who complain about the complainers can also be divided into two categories. The kind of person who has been subjected to too much venting and is doing some venting of their own and those who tend to ignore anything bad and act as if the place they are in is perfect. The first type I can understand, the second is usually trying to ignore reality, often they are apologists. When someone is running into the bad on a daily basis it can also get to you and may make you vent too much.

I find the people who complain about complainers can be worse than the initial complainers. I understand needing to vent. It is good for a person to vent. Those who never see the good, or refuse to see it, do irk me at times. Refusing to acknowledge the good is just as bad as the idiots who refuse to acknowledge the bad.

Hilda tended to fall into the complaining about complainers while refusing to acknowledge the bad. I remember once some of us were having a discussion about the Cheongju-Cheonan Rapist and how the English media in Korea never reported it. Hilda had a little diatribe about us only focusing on the bad, she knew about it a few years ago because a Korean co-worker told her (so there complainers), so why not talk about good news. Someone greased her out a bit because a) it is a subject we chose to discuss and was important, b) it was so nice that SHE knew and never told anyone, and c) why the hell chime in if you really have nothing to add. That ended that.

Of course it was always a different story when something happened to Hilda and she needed to vent.

Ah, people. They always find a way to drive others crazy. :)

Monday, December 20, 2010

Shit Koreans Say ... about cold weather.

"Cho ah! Cho ah! Cho ah!"

Writing it just doesn't do justice to the whiney sound many Koreans make when saying this. What are they saying? They are letting everyone know they are cold. Why are they cold? Odds are they didn't dress for the weather.

It is nothing during the coldest part of the winter to see Korean women going around in mini skirts, or men wearing just a blazer. One of the strangest sights I saw was a Korean woman with a big puffy parka, furry boots, and a micro mini skirt with no hose/leggings. And surprise surprise she was going on and on about being cold. They say it like it is some mantra that will magically keep them warm.

Now if they were dressed for the weather and still cold I could understand the whining to a degree. But when they consciously dress improperly they need to shut the fuck up, go home, and get the proper clothes.

One of the most bizarre sights I saw many times when walking home in the winter was middle school kids wrapped up in blankets. Their parents send them to schools, many of which aren't heated, in their school uniform and NO winter jacket. Often they wear the bathroom sandals and not proper foot wear even in the winter. So, they bring a blanket to wrap up in to keep warm.

"Teacher cold."
"You are cold."

You hear things like that from students of all ages. Instead of saying they are cold they tell me that I am cold. To which I reply "No. I'm warm." This of course perplexes them and they usually just repeat their initial comment a few times thinking it will magically mean what they want it to. I give them a little time to self correct and then tell them that they wanted to say "Teacher, I am cold." and explain why what they said was wrong. Then they smile and say "Teacher, I am cold." to which 9 times out of 10 I reply "I'm not." and continue the original lesson.

When the classes are too hot you actually get the opposite comments. The students are hot and want a window open or the air conditioner on. They are wearing their winter jackets (my students never brought a blanket to class), which are zipped up tight, and absolutely refuse to take off their jacket or even open it up. They will sit there soaking in their own sweat, and stinking up the room rather than take their jacket off. Why? Because it is winter and you should wear your jacket, and no one else has theirs off and they don't want to be the odd man out. One of the problems of living in a conformist society, conforming can lead you to be uncomfortable and you won't get comfortable because you must conform.

"You are cold. Go home."

Ah mooks. They do make life interesting. It isn't bad enough you have slack jawed yokels pointing, staring, and telling you that you are cold. Sometimes you run into an uber-mook who will shout some stupid statement at you and run away.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


Here is a link to a funny little video using what Korean apologists often post on message boards.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Shit Koreans Say ... about education.

"If you sleep more than 4 hours a day you are a lazy student."

I was talking about studying with one of my middle school classes. The topic turned to how much time they spend studying a day. That is when one of my students told me that a teacher told him he was a lazy student because he got 6 hours sleep a night. The rest of the class said they have all heard it from teachers as well.

It is a good way of summing up just how crazy things are in Korea when it comes to studying. No wonder they have the highest teen suicide rate in the OECD.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Twelve Days Of Korean Christmas II

Another Flint & Stig Production

(To the tune of "Twelve Days Of Christmas")

On the first day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
A contract not worth anything.

On the second day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything.

On the third day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Three kimchi farts,
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Four cab-blocked crosswalks,
Three kimchi farts,
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Five air raid sirens,
Four cab-blocked crosswalks,
Three kimchi farts,
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Six Spam and soap packs,
Five air raid sirens,
Four cab-blocked crosswalks,
Three kimchi farts,
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Seven sullen schoolboys,
Six Spam and soap packs,
Five air raid sirens,
Four cab-blocked crosswalks,
Three kimchi farts,
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Eight ajummas squatting,
Seven sullen schoolboys,
Six Spam and soap packs,
Five air raid sirens,
Four cab-blocked crosswalks,
Three kimchi farts,
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Nine mad cow beefsteaks,
Eight ajummas squatting,
Seven sullen schoolboys,
Six Spam and soap packs,
Five air raid sirens,
Four cab-blocked crosswalks,
Three kimchi farts,
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Ten mooks a-texting (shebal)
Nine mad cow beefsteaks,
Eight ajummas squatting,
Seven sullen schoolboys,
Six Spam and soap packs,
Five air raid sirens,
Four cab-blocked crosswalks,
Three kimchi farts,
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Eleven reporters plagiarizing,
Ten mooks a-texting (shebal)
Nine mad cow beefsteaks,
Eight ajummas squatting,
Seven sullen schoolboys,
Six Spam and soap packs,
Five air raid sirens,
Four cab-blocked crosswalks,
Three kimchi farts,
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
A Korean gave to me
Twelve North Korean A-bombs,
Eleven reporters plagiarizing,
Ten mooks a-texting (shebal)
Nine mad cow beefsteaks,
Eight ajummas squatting,
Seven sullen schoolboys,
Six Spam and soap packs,
Five air raid sirens,
Four cab-blocked crosswalks,
Three kimchi farts,
Two slutty outfits,
And a contract not worth anything!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Oh Christmas Tree

I wonder if the Korea Times will try and push the claim that the Christmas Tree is Korean again this year.

The (Korean) National Institute of Biological Resources did threaten to "recover" their rights to the Christmas tree this year. The right being the right to scam money out of their claim. That seemed to be their big bugaboo last year ... they wanted their share of the Christmas Tree pie.

No follow up on that crusade yet. I wonder if the Korea Times will have a follow this Christmas Eve?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Kindergarten Festivals

Every year Ivy School held a Kindergarten Festival. It was supposed to showcase the English ability of the kindergarten students and how they had advanced. Yet it somehow never managed to do that.

Why? Half or more of the festival was done in Korean by the kids. It is nice and cute to see them in their little hanboks singing "Appa Himniseyo" but that ain't English. Nor did it showcase things they were being taught. Instead, for about 2 months prior to the festival, classes were focused on learning the songs and or skit they were doing for the festival.

The goal of the festival, like an "education" at most hagwons, wasn't about learning. It was about making the parents BELIEVE their child learned something. Yes, your child can sing a song they cram studied for 2 months in English now. Too bad they STILL can't answer the question "What day is it today?" after a year. The Kim's (Ivy School not the generic term) didn't care about the learning just the money flowing into their bank account.

Then you had the foreign teachers and the festivals. For the most part your job was to help set up, prep the kids (costume changes), and take things down. At one point you were on the stage being introduced with the Korean teachers. Of course this all took place on a Saturday, which your contract (which doesn't count for anything) said you didn't work, and the Kim's would try and weasel out of paying you overtime let alone basic time for the hours you gave up.

One year the Kim's decided that the foreign teachers wanted to do a song on stage. Yes, they decided we wanted too. Not us. They also decided to tell us 2 days before the festival. Which left basically no rehearsal time.

We picked "California Dreaming". With six people we figured it was an easy one to muddle your way through. It would have been too except for the ricetards working the sound system at the festival. They decided that the song was too fast and used the mixing board to slow it down. Oh, and in typical Korean fashion they never told anyone they were doing that. It threw everyone off. The song was horrible. The parents thought they would help out and clapped through the whole song. unfortunately they didn't clap in TIME to the song. They clapped at whatever speed suited their kimchi addled brains.

It was a horrible waste of time and looked bad. Thanks to that the Kim's never again "asked" the foreign teachers to perform on stage.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What's your beef?

A Flint and Stig Production ... What's Your Beef?

Shit Koreans Say ... about Dokdo.

"Do you know Dokdo?"

How many times, and in how many ways have you heard Koreans go on about Dokdo? They seem to think that the world must not just know about them but must fanatically agree that they are Korean. Whether I believe the Korean claims or not, it does make them sound like a bunch of whack jobs the way they go on at times.

One of the best examples is a song about Dokdo I found on YouTube. Some of the things it says are ...

"Everybody wants to be there 'cause of the holy Sights
Everybody wants to be there hoping to meet Seagulls."

"Foolish men start to say silly empty talks."

"Yes, nobody is greedy for them 'cause of the holy Sights."

"Dokdo Dokdo I'll keep it for my sake."

I could go on and on. The song is pretty much crap with a lot of nonsensical English.

The Liancourt Rocks, errr Dokdo, is another one of those topics that you just can't talk about logically with Koreans. Nutizens have stalked and harassed people who said they believed the rocks belong to Japan. I remember hearing about one foreigner working at a University who made a web page looking at the issue and saying he believed Japan's claim. The nutizens tracked him down, posted his personal information, and started calling his university complaining. While he wasn't fired ... for "some reason" he wasn't re-hired.

A group of protesters wanted to show the world how evil Japan is to claim the rocks. So, in front of invited media, they bludgeoned pheasants to death, slurped up some of their innards, and threw the carcasses at the Japanese Embassy. This showed that who was evil?!?!?!?

So, if you are in Korea and are asked about Dokdo it is safer to just blindly agree that it is Korean than to actually try and discuss the issue. Unless you want a confrontation that you just can't win with reason.

"Do you know Dokdo?"

"Yes, and I don't really give a shit. I call them the Liancourt Rocks. Now fuck off."

A lot of countries have disputes over places but I know of none who go to the lengths Koreans do over them. At times shooting themselves in the foot in their drive to prove they are in the right.

Monday, November 29, 2010

What the ... reasoning?!?!?

I was talking with some of my family today when the topic of North Korea came up. My brother asked "Why did they do it?" (It being things like the artillery attack, sinking ships, etc.)

My answer was "Because they can."

North Korea has been acting out like this for a LONG time. South Korea and the West (US) would scold them, tell them not to do it again or else, then give them food, money, or whatever. North Korea would quiet down until the next time they wanted something. Then they would act out again and the cycle would continue.

In a perverse way it IS the fault of South Korea and the US/West that North Korea shelled the island. They have caved in to North Korea's bad behaviour for so long no real reaction is expected. North Korea EXPECTS to act out and not get punished. Yes, they have to listen to the US chatter on about it, and South Korea (but not all South Koreans, some back the NorKs.), but that is about the extent of it.

I have said it before and odds are I will use the analogy again. North Korea is a child acting out. It hasn't been properly disciplined from the start. The parents kept letting it do things with verbal warnings and no real consequences. Now there is no expectation of real punishment so they keep acting out. Which makes it harder to actually start taking a stand because it will be a complete surprise to the child and who knows what they would do then.

What are they getting out their latest antics? Isn't the South Korean government taking a hard line against the North now? Well, the South Korean government is now talking about LIFTING the travel ban affecting South Korean businesses in Gaesong, North Korea. Nothing like sending potential hostages to the kidnappers home eh?

It seems like the same old same old.

After 9+ years of living with shit like this happening in one form or another every year, sometimes several times a year, you just stop taking it seriously. (Not to say people dieing isn't serious, I am talking about the actions and reactions.) I don't expect anything to really come of it. It would be nice to see the South and the US actually take a stand. (God knows how badly the North would freak out once they realized it was really happening.) I actually thought it might happen when George Jr was President, but it didn't. I expect lots of noise and nothing of consequence coming from the South/West.

What the ... cartoon?!?!?

A HUGE tip of the hat to Brian for the link to this cartoon! Damn it was funny.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

What the ... bimbo blunders?!?!?

First you had Sara "I can see Russia from my house" Palin confuse North and South Korea. On Glen Beck's radio show she said;

“Obviously we gotta stand with our North Korean allies."

Beck quickly corrected her and moved on ignoring the gaffe.

Now you have former Miss Universe Alicia Machado confusing the two Koreas with China and Taiwan. In a tweet she said;

"Tonight I want to ask you to join me in a prayer for peace, that these attacks between the Chinas do not make our situation worse."

Appropriate she twitted that since people who tweet are called twits. Due to a number of insulting and threatening posts she closed her twitter account saying;

"I now have a lot of psychopaths on the account and it's best I start another one, kisses."

Hmmmm ... psycopaths attacking someone online. Who could she possibly be talking about?

Friday, November 26, 2010

Shit Koreans Said ... about US Beef.

I was looking over some old emails when I came across a discussion I had with a friend about the whole "crazy cow" bullshit that swept South Korea. In one email was a list of some of the things I had heard directly or reported in the media.

1) Koreans are more susceptible to BSE (mad cow disease) than Americans.

Some study supposedly showed that Koreans have a gene that makes them infitesimally more susceptible than Americans. We are talking like .0000something. That was all.

This was often said with the add on that this means the US is DELIBERATELY trying to kill Koreans. It is amazing how often the Koreans twist things to blame them on the Americans. I couldn't keep track of the number of times I heard this from adults and kids. When my students brought it up I asked where they heard it. It was split between hearing it on the internet or being told by their parents.

2) Korean Beef is safer than American beef.

Actually, according to the EU's 3 tier rating system US beef was rated as SAFER than Korean due to little things like unsanitary meat production facilities, little to no testing of animals for disease, etc. etc. etc. And who started this rumour? The Korean Beef Industry.

3) Americans want us to eat meat that they won’t even feed to their dogs.

Basically Koreans would say that since Americans don't eat it it must be infected, and that is why they sell it abroad. US fast food chains import cheaper Canadian and Aussie beef. That must mean the US sells off meat they refuse to eat. Or some such nonsense. It was a hard argument to follow let alone swallow.

4) Using (insert name of product here) will give you BSE.

There were claims that using any of about 600 products that use cow’s gelatin or collagen, such as cosmetics, maxi pads, diapers, etc., would give you BSE. At least they got the BS part right.

Kissing will transmit BSE.

Reminds me of the old herpes scare in the mid 80's.

5) U.S. meat packers plan to dump beef from older cows - considered at higher risk for mad cow - on the South Korean market.

Only a small percentage of the beef was coming from older cows. That would hardly have been dumping.

6) Restaurants and shops will lie and say the beef is Australian so US beef should not be allowed.

It is the Americans fault that Korean businesses would lie? Wouldn't that be the fault of the Koreans who would be lying? Wouldn't it be prudent to do something to stop them from lying?

7) The Democratic party created the Beef issue to shoot down the Korea-USA Free Trade Agreement.

Of course this would mean the Democrats got the Koreans to start protesting and rioting. The Democratic party got Korean media to start spreading the lies. Like I said, the lengths Koreans go to blame Americans for their problems is amazing. If only they put the same energy into solving their problems.

8) GNP (the governing Party in Korea is now the GNP) chairman Kang Jae-sup told the US Ambassador that;

“in Korea, beef is not simply a product; our people’s unique sentiment, which cannot be explained with science, permeates beef.”

Which basically translates to screw the science that says your beef is safe. It is now a cultural issue. Which just leads to other Shit Koreans Say "You must understand our culture!" That is supposed to trump reality.

Speaking of stupid things coming out from the Korean government at the time ... the Korean government actually asked the United States Government and it's officials to speak and act carefully. So they won't "spark" any anti-American protests and sentiment. Once again, the blame for things being dumped on the US . Americans dared to say science shows the beef is safe ergo they are inciting anti-American protests. Fucking insane.

9) Koreans even turned on Korean-Americans who didn't blindly agree. They droned on about how Korean-Americans weren't standing up for their country. They were lapdogs of America. They would be the ones pointing guns at Korea if the US and Korea went to war. What the kimchi? Yes, the BSE BS actually devolved to the point where it became a matter of trashing people over a fictional war.

BSE is one of those things that isn't safe to discuss with Koreans, like Dokdo. Unless you agree blindly you are screwed. Rarely is it discussed rationally. It is best to leave it alone unless you feel like riling some Koreans up.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Shit Koreans Say ... about North Korea

"They are our brothers. They would never attack us."

"We share blood. We are safe with them."

"I trust Kim JongIl more with nuclear weapons than George Bush."

"We have more to fear from USA than North Korea."

"North Korea would never attack South Korea."

"I am glad North Korea has nuclear weapons. Now America can't push them around."

All of the above statements were made to me by Koreans. Each statement was made by several different Koreans. Some of them were well traveled and educated. Some were University students. Some were business men. All left me wondering what kind of tobacco they were smoking.

It is hard to believe but a lot of Koreans bury their head in the sand when North Korea acts out. It isn't that they don't react strongly, it is the lengths they go to deny reality. North Korea would never attack? They attack South Korea in one form or another EVERY FUCKING YEAR. Whether it is border shootings, lobbing some artillery rounds, sinking ships. Yet, many South Koreans live in denial of this. It makes the mind wobble.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

What the ... news?!?!?!?

Holy shit!!! It will happen!!! Look what the experts have to say! Will anyone survive? What about the children?

Yes, some douchebag in the Church of England says William and Kates wedding will only last seven years. Can the earth survive?

Oh yeah, and North Korea attacked an island killing a few, scaring others shitless, and destroying property.

Seriously though, the number two headline in the Korea Times following North Korea attacking South Korea yet again is about Will and Kate? The Korea Times has some seriously fucked up priorities. I can see the Brits getting all stupid over it (the impending nuptials) ... maybe even Commonwealth countries but South Korea? What the kimchi?!?!?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Who are the ... Craziest Protesters?!?!?

In the red corner we have the Kamikaze Kimchi Kommandoes known around the world for their insanity and vindictiveness.

In the blue corner we have the Taiwan Troublemakers. Brash rookies trying to make their mark in the world of protesting.

Who will get the title of Craziest Protesters?

We have assembled a blue ribbon team of experts to compare and contrast the abilities of these protestors. Arman Flintarian and the Stigmeister use the latest scientific methods and technology to gather data about the two opponents. The data is then entered into a computer program developed by Blathering Batshit Studios to determine just who is ...

... the Craziest Protester.

Thrown Weapons

Koreans: Firebombs, pheasants they bludgeoned to death, and cow shit

Taiwanese: Eggs at an elementary school

Advantage: South Korean Protestors. You just never know what they will throw at you next but the odds are it will have a greater shock value than eggs.

Internet Antics

Koreans: Crashing servers, email campaigns, message board campaigns, blogging, death threats, bomb threats, posting of personal information

Taiwanese: Crashing servers, email campaigns, message board campaigns, blogging

Advantage: South Korean Protesters. While they use the same basic tactics those wacky Koreans are always willing to up the fear and stalking factor.

Flag Desecration

Koreans: Not content to just burn flags Korean protesters have been known to eat full size flags or tear up giant size US flags.

Taiwanese: Burning tiny flags

Advantage: Korean Protesters because size matters as much as what you do to it.

Public Displays of Frustration

Koreans: Vigils, riots, dropping of pants, ripping of piglets, cutting off fingers, shaving heads,
covering themselves in bees, stabbing themselves in the stomach

Taiwanese: Rallys, riots

Advantage: Korean Protesters. It is impossible to compete against animal or self mutilation with simple rallies and riots.


Koreans: Calls for boycotts, No Foreigners Allowed signs, No Americans Allowed signs

Taiwanese: Calls for boycotts, No Koreans allowed signs

Advantage: TIE

Government Intervention

Koreans: Calls for investigations, renegotiations, and batshit crazy statements that deny reality. (1)

Taiwanese: Calls for investigations and then calls for calm.

Advantage: Korean Protestors because sometimes their government is as batshit crazy as they are.


Clearly, the Korean Protesters beat their Taiwanese counterparts hands down. It was no contest. They beat them like a government mule. They stomped a mudhole in them and walked it dry. The Taiwanese didn't even show up for the competition. I am running out of cliches.

It is clear the Taiwanese have much to learn from the Korean Wave of crazy. They may take solace in the fact that while they did over react they have a ways to go to be known as THAT crazy.

Korea YOU have the Craziest Protesters in the world. You may want to dial down their batshit before whining about Taiwanese, or any other, protesters in the future.


1) During the U.S. Beef bullshit the GNP Chairman (GNP was governing party at the time) Kang Jae-sup told the US Ambassador that “in Korea, beef is not simply a product; our people’s unique sentiment, which cannot be explained with science, permeates beef.” basically saying that even though science proves them wrong it doesn't matter.

Hurry up and wait!

One of the most frustrating things I found when preparing to come to Korea was the "hurry up and wait" and "hurry hurry" mentality that seems to infect Korea. Things tend to get left undone and there isn't a lot of communication. Then everything becomes a great rush with a lot of stress. What brought this to mind was talking with a reader through email about the stress he is going through getting ready to go and work in Korea.

He found a hagwon that looked good a couple of months ago. Emails were exchanged and a month ago they said they wanted him. They want him to start in late December, after the 20th. Then, nothing. He would email asking what documents he needed to get for them and heard nothing. After a couple of weeks, last week, he got an email letting him know some of the documents he needed and telling him they would send him a list in a few days. That was a week ago and he hasn't heard anything. Hence his complaining.

He wanted to know if the were jerking him around and what the chances are of actually getting to Korea in the time frame they said they wanted him.

I don't think he is being jerked around per se. This is typical for dealing with Koreans. Hurry up and wait. Then everything is "bally bally" or rush rush. Lots of last minutes stress and frustration. I ran into this with hagwons and I ran into it with EPIK. It is completely unprofessional but that seems to be the norm when dealing with South Korea.

It is getting down to crunch time for him if they REALLY want him there around the time frame stated. He has to get his documents together and courier them to South Korea. That can take anywhere from a few days to a week. Then they have to put everything together and submit the paperwork to Immigration. That can take a few days to a week or more. Then the Work VISA paper has to be couriered back to him. Then he has to send it to the nearest Korean Embassy for the VISA stamp on his passport. Will they want an interview? Then they have to send it back. THEN he can legally go work in South Korea. (I say legally because I wouldn't be surprised if the hagwon asked him to come at the original time with NO VISA saying he can get it later.) He is looking at a three week period at least with all the couriering. It is getting to the point where the time frame is not realistic.

That doesn't mean he won't get there. It just means it won't be when he expected. And it will probably be a stressful and frustrating rush at the last minute. Which is par for the course when dealing with Koreans.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

What the ... other foot 2?!?!?

Ah Herr Consoleman, head Kleagle of a Klucker Klavern. He has got to be the best example of the stupidity of the Kamikaze Kimchi Kommandoes. And the best example of how Koreans can't handle their own tactics being used against them.

Here is his solution for dealing with Taiwan's over reaction with the Taekwondo incident during the Asian games.

"I'm fed up with their childish claims and accusations and groundless Korea bashing, Korea have not even caused any damaged to Taiwan and their people, but Chinese, Japanese, American, Dutch and Spanish did damaged their pride and dignity.

Let's kick all these island Chinese out of Korea! and boycott Taiwanese goods & brands! They're useless to Korea."

I can just picture him stroking his mustache while ranting at the drooling masses.

Hmmmm ... wouldn't it be interesting to see how fast Herr Consoleman's head would spin if the next time Korea over reacted THAT was the response of their victims?

Korean's having a tantrum because they lost in football? Kick the fuckers out of FIFA.

Korean's riot because of the US military? Fuck you, guard your own country time to bring the troops home en masse.

Korean's acting up because of a bad referee decision at the Olympics? Guess who isn't invited to the next Olympics and most certainly will never host one?

Heh ... ok ... I have to admit I am chuckling more than a little imagining just how fast his head would spin and how high it would fly. When children act out they need to be taught how to behave. And Koreans tend to act out like spoiled children when things don't go their way, or they perceive a slight.

Don't get me wrong, the Taiwanese are acting like ... like ... Koreans. They are taking something not that important and blowing it up into an international incident. However, Koreans are the LAST people who should be trying to lecture the Taiwanese considering how THEY act in similar situations.

Korean pot meet Taiwanese kettle. Now go make some fucking tea and quit whining.

Shit Koreans Do... At The Theatre

I was at the movies today. I went to see the new "Harry Potter" film. I quite enjoy the books and the movies. I wasn't aware of Harry Potter until I went to Korea in 2000. I started to see stories on the news about kids lined up to buy each new book as it came out, and dismissed it as something that I was too old for.
But during my first year in Korea, I became desperate for things to read. I picked up the first Potter book and I never looked back.
Watching the latest film, I became aware of a family of mooks sitting behind me. The little girl asked questions about what was happening every five minutes, which her mom did her best to answer. Neither one of her parents asked her to be quiet, and her persistent whispering went on and on. The dad was not impressed with the film at all, and complained loudly as soon as the end credits started to roll. Things like "garbage" and "waste of time" and so on. The little girl seemed like she enjoyed the films; I wondered what she thought of what her dad had to say.
The rest of the audience was pretty well behaved. There weren't any other talkers and nobody fiddled with their cell phones at all. There were a couple of times when some kids left to go to the bathroom, but they returned to their seats with little hullabaloo.
How different from a Korean movie theatre!
The amount of mookish behaviour that goes in there has to be seen to be believed. People coming in late, people going in and out all through the film, kids running up and down the aisles, people talking, people talking/texting on their cell phones - it was no wonder Flint and I went to fewer and fewer films as time went by.
Once, when we went to see "Miami Vice," it was like we were surrounded by mooks who came to the movie expressly to talk to their friends on the phone. Silly Flint and I had actually come to see the film, and nothing else.
I was sitting next to a woman who just would not leave her phone alone. I finally leaned over and started yakking in her ear, "Who is it? Is is for me? If it's for me, I'll talk."
She shut the phone off, but she was not happy. Her big plan to get back at me was to wait until I took a swig from my drink, and then fill the cup holder on the armrest between us with her own bottle of water.
I chucked it on the floor.
She started chattering away at me, and I said something like, "I'm trying to watch the film!" I kept expecting her boyfriend to do something about me. What I didn't realize was that he had made a motion to put me in my place, but Flint had loomed up behind me. The boyfriend scuttled back into his seat like a turtle retreating into his shell.
There's nothing so frightening as Flint when he looms... or smiles.
Well, that was the "high point" of our theatre-going experience in the Land of Morning Calm and Afternoon Difficulty.
After Flint left Korea, I did go to a couple of movies with our mutual friend Spock, and whenever the usual mookish behaviour began, I took to throwing popcorn at the offending mook.
The look on their faces... still convulses me with howls of derisive laughter!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Douchebags I knew.

Writing "Shit Foreigners Say ... to deny reality." brought back a lot of memories of things BuMSuk said and did.

As a friend he just wasn't that reliable. The only time you could really count on him was when he wanted something. He also had a tendency to say and do douchey things. Two incidents really stand out in my mind.

The first one happened during a night out with friends. We were having a good time. I had smoked a nice Romeo & Julietta No. 2 and left the tube on the table. A little while later I was coming back from the bathroom and noticed BumSuk and an American friend (Jon) "play fighting". As I got closer I heard Jon saying he was going to kill BumSuk and the fight started going into another booth. It was a real fight ... or at least an attempt at one.

I managed to get them apart and BumSuk retreated to the bar befofre leaving altogether. What had gotten Jon so pissed off is that BumSuk picked up the cigar tube and told Jon he wanted to stick it up his (Jon's) girl friends ass. What the kimchi?!?!?

BumSuk claimed he was drunk, until later when he was home and on the phone. Then he would say he claimed to be drunk so as not to get beat up and he was really sober. He just thought it would be a funny thing to say to someone. Strangely enough, the female friend who made the stupid comment denying the rape bragging tried to defend what BumSuk had done that night.

The second one happened pretty close to the rape bragging BS. We were talking about a woman I liked but who wasn't interested in being anything but friends. To me that means move on, stay friends, but don't bother thinking of anything else. Evidently it meant more to BumSuk.

He said "Just get her drunk and fuck her."

I was flabbergasted and said "What the fuck did you just say?"

He smiled and said "Oh, I was just joking."

It didn't feel to me like he was joking but he did have a strange sense of humour. So, I let it slide. In retrospect, I don't think he was joking.

Friday, November 19, 2010

What the ... other foot?!?!?

I guess this should be filed under "The shoe is on the other foot." South Korea is being subjected to the same sort of crap that they do to others ... and they don't like it.

In a nutshell. A Taiwanese athlete was disqualified from the Taekwondo competition in the Asian Games. At first anti-Chinese sentiment was growing.

Then anti-Korean sentiment started showing as Taiwanese started complaining about the Korean Judges deliberately disqualifying their star. Taiwanese fans are calling for boycotts of anything South Korean. Taiwanese nutizens crashed the Taekwondo Unions website.

Sound familiar? Except for, thankfully, a lack of bomb threats it sounds like the type of stupidity people have become used to from Korean fans/nutizens when Korean loses in sports.

Which makes it amusing to watch the Korean nutizens whine about the behaviour of the Taiwanese. It has the KKKunts on Korea Sentry in a tizzy. Some of their comments are interesting in light of past over reactions by Koreans.

Sett: They blame Korea because they believe we are secretly trying to prevent Taiwan from winning a gold medal. Gee ... kind of like Koreans made Ohno winning the gold out to be a conspiracy perpetuated by the US.

Herr Konsoleman: Island Chinese have serious issue within themselves, why they do this to themselves??? You mean like Koreans crashing servers and sending death threats to the Swiss Embassy? The Australian Embassy? The Australian judge?

Chucky3176: Now the entire Taiwan media is on this, as mass hysteria sweeps over Taiwan, over a lousy fucking Taekwondo match in the Asian Games which no fucking people really care two hoots about. Kind of like the reaction of some people to things that happened in Speed Skating?

So, we now see the shoe is on the other foot. And Koreans don't like it. Not so much fun when people over react, lash out, and treat you like shit is it?

Will this make people like the KKKunts think twice before acting that way in the future? I doubt it. I don't have a lot of faith in their intelligence.

Shit Koreans Say ... on birthdays.

"Happy Birthday dear my friend."

Come on, that is just fucking lazy! Would it kill them to get someone who actually knows English to translate it or correct it for them? I don't sing it in Korean because I know I would fuck it up. If I did sing it in Korean I would make sure I had it written down properly, or was taught it properly, before singing so I don't look like a lazy wanker.

It is right up there with the laziness of "Merri Kurri" or" Have a Merry" instead of Merry Christmas. Marry curry? I prefer to eat it. Have a merry? A merry what???

But hey if a K-Pop star sings it then it must be proper English. You go gull.

Korea Times - New Degrees of Pathetic

The Korea Times has reached a new level of pathetic. Their current number two headline is ...

... Triangular UFO spotted over UK skies for 3rd time.

Mind you they left out some of the title of the article they STOLE from the Mail Online. The original healine read;

Dudley Dorito Triangular UFO spotted over UK skies for the 3rd time in three years.

And the wonderful 4 sentence article was actually made up of 4 sentences the unnamed Korea Times reporter lifted out of the Mail article. If you took out all of the sentence parts that were "sampled" from the Mail you would be left with an article saying ;

" triangular the Daily Mail reported on its website, Wednesday. "

Wow. What amazing skill the reporter must have had to steal errr write such an in-depth article on UFO's in the UK. A story of such importance to all Koreans considering UFO's are flown by evil aliens and foreigners are evil aliens too. No wonder it appeared as the SECOND HEADLINE.

Seriously though, how fucking low can this rag lower the bar of journalism in Korea and still call itself "First in the Nation"? If this piece of shit is REALLY considered "First in the Nation" by anyone except the morons who work there it doesn't speak highly of the intelligence of Koreans or those who read it for their news.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Shit Foreigners Say ... to deny reality.

"I have never had the happen so I don't believe it happened."

This phrase, and similar ones, are often used by apologists to discount or diminish the experience of others in South korea. They seem to have the strange idea that if something never happened to the, or if they haven't seen it, it couldn't possibly have happened. Kind of a scary way to go through life, in denial of anything you haven't seen.

I had my own encounter with a friend who used a version of this to ignore reality.

One of the reasons I stopped hanging out with BumSuk is because he was a sleazy asshole. Once he bragged to me about him and a friend (MJ) picking up a high school girl who was passed out drunk in a park. They took her, unconscious, back to MJ's hotel room to fuck. He seemed proud of the fact that they raped a girl. I don't hang around people like that.

A while later I was meeting a friend, another ex-pat. I had stopped hanging out with BumSuk and did NOT want him or MJ around. If they were going to be around I wasn't. So, she asked me what my problem was with them and I told her. Her reply was;

"Well, they never told me about that so I don't believe it happened."

What the fucking kimchi?!?!?

What the ... Racialicious commenters?

Bobbie was venting about something again. This time about Blackout Korea. He pointed to a link at a site called Racialicious which has Epic Fail of the Week. It featured Blackout Korea.

To a point I can agree with them. While I have no problem with people snapping pictures of others who make themselves look like assholes in public, and getting so pissed you pass out in your own sick qualifies, there is a line. Posing in pictures with the passed out, especially ones that make it look like you are fucking them in the ass, cross that line for me.

What caught my eye wasn't Racialicious' comments so much as some of the commenters. One in particular named Katie came off as an extra-strength whack-a-do. She started going on about Korea being occupied by the US military and how the pictures of people posing with or over drunks looks like soldiers lording it over Korean casualties.

"I look at the photos from the offending blog and I’m struck by how they could be pictures from a war, with White soldiers lording it over Korean casualties. Korean bodies have often been portrayed as disposable in the US imagination. Korean prostitutes, Korean war deaths ... "

This cunning stunt is actually equating these pictures to ones from a war? What a stupid bizzy ditch.

Then you have some asshole named Keith spouting off saying;

"I dislike ESL teachers immensely. You don’t even have to have credentials to become one in some places. Not only that, their have been scandals where these low life’s have taken advantage of their female students high school and junior high."

Could someone please point out these scandals to me? The ONLY ones I have heard about, where teachers have been diddling their students, have concerned KOREAN teachers. Considering how hot the Korean Times is to print shit about ex-pat English teachers, even when it isn't true, it is surprising that even they haven't printed any stories about this.

I love the way Keith parrots the line about ESL teachers not being qualified. If the QUALIFICATIONS to teach ESL do ONLY require you to have a 3-4 year University degree, and you have one, then you ARE qualified. IF the qualifications called for a teaching degree and they didn't have one THEN assholes like Keith would be right. Instead they are just a bunch of assholes with an axe to grind against ex-pats. If it wasn't ESL teachers I am sure they would find something or someone else to whine about.

Guess what Keith, a lot of ESL teachers feel the same way about douchebags like you.

What a bunch of fucking morons.

What the ... headline?!?!?

Once again the Korea Times, Worst in the Nation, is headlining a story from another country. A story that continues their goal of making foreigners look evil. Why would I say that? Well, look at their track record of stories. Look at their use of lies and innuendo to make foreigners, especially those teaching English in South Korea, look evil.

I am not saying they shouldn't have this story. It is news. Many other countries have carried the story. Only the Korea Times carried it as a Front Page, 2nd Headline story. Which kind of makes you wonder about their intentions. OK, if you know anything about the Terrible Times you don't wonder. This kind of bullshit is par for the course with them.

As usual with the Korea Times, Worst in the Nation, it doesn't attribute the paper/online site it lifted the story from. A story which is verbatim what appeared on The Daily Chili. The title, the content, everything was plagiarised for your reading enjoyment.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Shit Koreans Say ... about healthy food.

Koreans will prattle on about how healthy Korean food is. It is "well being" this and "well being" that. (Koreans have seem to have never heard of a phrase they couldn't beat like a government mule.) To a point I would agree with them. A lot of Korean food is healthier than "Western" food, but not everything is healthy. And eating something several times a day, every day, isn't always healthy.

As great a health food as Koreans claim kimchi is it has also been talked about as a cause of gastric cancer. Koreans actually lead the world in cases of gastric cancer. I am not even going to get into the salt level of a lot of the kimchi I have tasted or the fat content of most SamKyubSal.

When talking about "healthy food" Koreans, usually men, are often talk about food that is "good for men's stamina." Eating dog is good for men's stamina. Eating eel. Drinking deer blood. The list goes on and on. I never heard any mention of what would be good for women's stamina.

The whole "well being" idea ended up becoming an over used and abused phrase. Fast food restaurants would slap the phrase on something and all of a sudden it became health food. It lost a lot of it's meaning in Korea.

The Weather

It is kind of funny, I always used to tell people that the temperature difference between Cheongju and Halifax was 8-10 degrees. Halifax being the cooler of the two. For the most part that was true ... until now.

The last couple of days Cheongju and Halifax have had the exact same weather except that Cheongju is colder!!!

Right now, according to the weather through igoogle, Cheongju is -1, foggy, light wind from the west with 100% humidity. Halifax is is 10, foggy, light wind from the east, and 100% humidity.

Strange days indeed.

Monday, November 15, 2010


KopJang, or is it GopJang, is cow intestine. No surprise that it is considered "healthy" food in Korea. I haven't had a Korean food that some Korean didn't try to tell me was healthy for you, or good for men's stamina. According to one web site;

"Eating beef intestines does have health benefits she says. “It’s good for your complexion and digestion because it contains collagen.” According to the book Dong Eui Bogam, written by Joseon Dynasty doctor Hojun, in 1610, 곱장 (beef intestine) has more iron and vitamins than other meat, it’s not too expensive and it tastes unique. Weak or sick people eat it to give them strength. In addition, Hojun says, consuming beef intestines enhances your stamina, helps prevent diabetes and is good for your skin. "

Damn it sounds like it could give kimchi a run for it's money when it comes to curative powers.

It may sound disgusting to a Western who is not used to eating tripe or offal. The first time I encountered it a Korean friend was getting some at a restaurant near my apartment. It smelled like shit burning. Reluctantly I tried a piece and it tasted as bad as it smelled.

Flash forward about 5 years. After work we went to a restaurant in GaGyoung dong. It wasn't big. Your typical hole in the wall Korean restaurant. Nothing fancy in terms of decor but usually good food.

It turned out to be a KopJang restaurant. The food didn't smell bad. It came with sides that included raw liver and stomach. The Koreans ate the liver and stomach as soon as the plate touched the table and asked for more. I like liver but I hadn't eaten it raw before. I had raw stomach once and din't think that much of it. So, I was prepared for a bad meal.

Boy was I surprised. The 1st KopJang restaurant must have been run by people who didn't know how to cook. Not only did this KopJang NOT smell like shit ... it tasted fantastic. The restaurant became one of my favourite work dinner spots.

If you can find a restaurant that knows what it is doing I would recommend trying KopJang.

(Unfortunately, thanks to the great computer crash of '09 I lost most of 3.5 years worth of pictures. So these pictures aren't from that restaurant. I am going to ask some friends in korea to get me pictures of it.)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Mook of the Week

Crosswalk mooks, as in those who block the crosswalks, are a dime a dozen in South Korea. In fact they are so common it is hard to know how to label them. Garden Variety mooks? Commonplace mooks? Mooky mooks? But I digress.

To readers of this blog the intersection should be very familiar. One of the busiest in Cheongju. Taxis are constantly blocking not just the crosswalk but at times the intersection itself. Cars dropping people off or picking them up don't usually help things either. always a great source of mook pictures and stories.

Along comes some mook selling stuff from their tiny van. I almost said mini van but hell mini vans are bigger than this little piece of shit. She pulls to the edge of the cross walk and starts setting up shop.

Of course this leads to all sorts of fuckery as she is now blocking the lane taxis use to enter the queue for the bus terminal. A lane THEY usually use to block the crosswalk.

This mook led to some massive traffic jams in the intersection but it never phased them. They just went on mooking about.

Shit Foreigners Say ... about Korean culture.

"No. That is a Korean tradition. You don't know what you are talking about."

This was said to a Korean by a foreigner in my presence. That is, we were all sitting around talking. BumSuk was telling us what was and wasn't traditional Korean behaviour or culture in a bath house. This twat tried telling a Korean what was and wasn't Korean. Talk about arrogant.

It never fails to astound and confound me was when you get ex-pats who just got to Korea try to tell you what Korea is like. Usually the stupidest comments would come from people who just got off the plane or had only been there a year or so. Because the mere fact they are in Korea means they are now experts and even if you have been there longer they know better than you. Then you have the way apologists do something similar.

"It isn't rude. It is Korean culture."

Apologists LOVE to use this line to excuse bad behaviour by Koreans. I think the first time I heard it used was by someone explaining away why Koreans point at foreigners and why it wasn't rude. Now, one of the first things I was told before coming to Korea was not to point at people. You gesture using your whole hand because pointing is rude in Korea. You don't want to offend people.

After the apologist said that I decided to ask some of my students, I taught kids and adults my first year, if it was rude or cultural. They were unanimous, pointing is rude. It is not "cultural" to point at people. When I told the apologist this they said "Oh no it is cultural. They were wrong." What a fucktard.

People like that need a smack upside the head to reboot their brain.

Shit Koreans Say ... about Fan Death

"Canadians don't have fan death because it is too cold to use fans there."

This was said to me once by a Korean trying to defend the myth of fan death. He was implying that Canadians don't use fans or air conditioners because of the climate.

So here was someone who had NEVER been outside of Korea trying to tell me what it is like in Canada. When I pointed out the error of his, dare I say, logic I was told that I was wrong. Yes, the Canadian was told that he didn't know what it was like in Canada. What a ricetard.

The person who set up actually makes a similar statement. He wrote;

"I do agree places like Canada and other northern countries have no use of electric fans, so maybe they could not make the discovery, yet."

How much of a fucking moron does someone have to be to make a statement like that? Evidently, they know jack shit about "northern" countries or they would know that most have .... FOUR seasons. The length and severity may vary but except for those in the FAR north these countries have four DISTINCTIVE seasons.

Then again, having read the Fan Death site I am not that surprised. The author of the site left out some choice tidbits about fan death. Like when he talks about how fans kill. He mentions the notion that fans use up oxygen and create carbon dioxide. What he left out was the evil way the fans do this. Many Koreans believe the BLADE of the fan CHOPS the oxygen molecules thereby removing oxygen from the room and helping to create CO2.

Sorry, I had to stop typing and take a laugh break.

Fan Death. It still boogles my mind when Koreans go on about ... and defend ... the whole concept. Korea is the ONLY country in the world where anyone believes in it. And the lengths they will go to in order to perpetuate the BS is astounding.

In my first year in Korea I actually heard an explanation for fan death that made sense. We were teaching the police. One of them told us that fan death is often used in cases of suicide because they worry that it may lead others to try and kill themselves. That sounds a lot more reasonable than the BS usually spouted.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Shit Koreans Say ... from commercials.

"Bravo your life."

I remember the first time I heard it. A student had done well on a test and I said "Great work Bravo!" In unison a few students said "Bravo your life!"

I had no idea why they said it. It seemed very strange. A few days later it happened again in another class. So, I asked them why they said that. A student explained to me that it was from a commercial. I think he said a Samsung commercial, but I am open to being corrected.

It struck me as strange on two levels. First, that so many students would parrot that back so quickly. It was like they had one mind. Secondly, it is a stupid phrase. It is bad English. Of course, bad English is common in Korean commercials. And Koreans seem to like to repeat what they hear in commercials and movies. Some days it seems like the stupider the phrase is the more Koreans repeat it.

Even weirder was seeing Koreans break out into song when a commercial comes on. I am not talking kids here either. I remember once Stig and I were having dinner at Popeye's. The TV was playing there and a commercial came on with (insert name of female k-pop group popular at the time here) singing the jingle. This woman broke out into song along with it AND was doing the dance moves while seated. You could see a few others mouthing the words or singing along lowly. I wish i had my camera out it would have made a funny video.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Canadian PM Figure

Does anyone have a picture of the figure of the Canadian PM from the doll exhibit where the Koreans fucked up the Australian PM's "traditional" clothing? One of my readers emailed me asking if I had one. He says it looks like the Canadian PM is wearing a kilt or shorts but it is hard to tell from the pictures online.

It is hard to tell. I think it could be skin there which means a skirt or kilt. Would I be surprised if the Koreans cocked that figure up too? Hell no.

I WAS surprised that he wasn't in a Mountie uniform or dressed up like an Inuit.

Shit Koreans Say ... about blood.

"I would like to donate blood." says a foreigner.

A Korean Red Cross worker, with a look of horror on their face replies "No. Foreigners can't donate blood. All foreigners have aids!"

At another donation clinic the reply is "No. Foreign blood is too different from Korean blood."

I was actually told the former when I tried to donate blood at a Red Cross clinic my 1st year in Korea. A friend was told the latter line of bullshit when she tried to donate blood. I have heard similar experiences from many foreigners.

Shit Foreigners Say ... about what they do in Korea.

"What do you you do?"

"I'm a writer." or "I'm a musician."

No, you are fucking ESL teacher who does something else on the side.

I can't count how many ex-pats have given a stupid answer like that when asked by a Korean, or other foreigner, what they do in Korea. I am not talking about people lying about their job when hitting on a woman I am talking about people who are either embarrassed to say they are an ESL teacher or who have deluded themselves into thinking they are something more, or sometimes less, in Korea. If you were hired as an ESL teacher and/or your VISA is for doing that then guess what? You are an ESL teacher.

If you don't want to be an ESL teacher quit your job and try getting an entertainer VISA to be a musician. Or get the proper VISA and go work for a newspaper if you want to be a writer. God knows you can't be worse than some of the assholes who write for the Korea Times. IF you have an F VISA quit your job and get one doing whatever.

I remember one ex-pat whining on and on at a bar about how teaching was interfering with his music. I had enough and said;

"Quit your ESL job and get work as a musician or shut the fuck up. You are here on an E-2 VISA to teach ESL. That is your job. Not playing in a band. Not making an album. Quit your whining."

Then you have the ones that don't want to say they are a teacher. I remember one ass on YouTube who went on about not wanting to be called a teacher. He is an English coach. He actually wanted his students, and people leaving him YT messages, to call him coach.

I don't know why some people are so embarrassed to call themselves a teacher. You are in Korea, or where ever, teaching English. Whether your skills are being underutilized, misused, over utilized, or ignored you are here so people can learn English.You teach and they learn. You are a teacher. If the thought of telling people that embarrasses you get another line of work and piss off.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


A few family members died while I was in Korea. It was hard dealing with the death of a loved one while not home. When my oldest brother died I couldn't even get a flight that would have me at the funeral in time.

I think the strongest feeling I had other than grief was guilt. The guilt was for various reasons. not being home when it happened. Not being there for my mom and other family members. Not being at the funeral.

My Aunt died this morning. It has been hard to deal with but for different reasons. She has been hanging on for while. The strongest feeling tended to be one of helplessness. There is nothing I (or anyone) could have done to heal her. She was almost 94 and had a happy life. She knew the end was coming and was ready for it. It had been a few weeks coming though. But it was hard to just stand by and watch he die.

I is strange to say but I think it was actually easier to deal with a death in the family when I was in Korea. Usually I found out about the death after it happened. I missed all the time spent waiting for someone to die. Watching helplessly.

I am glad I was home for this. I had the time to see my Aunt and talk with her while she was lucid. I was able to be there for my mom and other family members. It was harder than dealing with it abroad in some way but I am glad I was here.

What the ... name game?!?!?

According to the Terrible Times a Korea-US friendship group plans on giving Obama a Korean name when he comes to Seoul. They have decided to give him the Korean name Oh Han-Ma. What the kimchi?!?!?

Why the hell would someone not Korean WANT a Korean name? It is bad enough that I had to try and convince most students to give me their REAL name instead of an English name. (As I mentioned in a previous post there are some Koreans who I would advise to take a Western name in the West. Such as someone named BumSuk. But for the most part we should learn their real names.) Has Obama actually agreed to this? After reading the article I don't think he has.

According to the article the name means "our hope that the Korean and U.S. leaders will exert their efforts to strengthen Korea-U.S. solid alliance made during the Korean War, to iron out the negotiation of the bilateral free trade agreement (FTA) and to reactivate the sagging world economy by actively galloping like horses at the bilateral summit on the sideline of G20 summit." Wow ... THAT is a mouthful and then some. It means all that when translated to English? Maybe they should have said it "represents" that instead of "means" that?

Oh wait it TRANSLATES to "O meaning nation, Han means Korea and Ma is a horse." So He is no longer B.H. Obama. now he is Korea Horse Nation. What the kimchi?!?!?

I remember in my second or third year in Korea a couple of my co-workers decided I HAD to have a Korean name since I was oh so Korean. that means I could use chopsticks, eat kimchi, and drink soju. They named me something that translated to "likes the cold". Yes, I can't remember what name they gave me, nor could they a few days later. THAT is how important a made up name is as opposed to your REAL name.