Death

A few family members died while I was in Korea. It was hard dealing with the death of a loved one while not home. When my oldest brother died I couldn't even get a flight that would have me at the funeral in time.

I think the strongest feeling I had other than grief was guilt. The guilt was for various reasons. not being home when it happened. Not being there for my mom and other family members. Not being at the funeral.

My Aunt died this morning. It has been hard to deal with but for different reasons. She has been hanging on for while. The strongest feeling tended to be one of helplessness. There is nothing I (or anyone) could have done to heal her. She was almost 94 and had a happy life. She knew the end was coming and was ready for it. It had been a few weeks coming though. But it was hard to just stand by and watch he die.

I is strange to say but I think it was actually easier to deal with a death in the family when I was in Korea. Usually I found out about the death after it happened. I missed all the time spent waiting for someone to die. Watching helplessly.

I am glad I was home for this. I had the time to see my Aunt and talk with her while she was lucid. I was able to be there for my mom and other family members. It was harder than dealing with it abroad in some way but I am glad I was here.