The hardest thing ...

Racism and cultural differences aside I think the hardest thing about living in Korea is not being home when something bad happens. Being halfway around the world means you can't just be there. And you are usually the last person to know when something does happen.

One of my Aunts died a couple of days ago. Everyone was so caught up in their grief that no one told me. I happened to call home last night and was told. She isn't the first relative who has died since I have been in Korea, hopefully she is the last. My oldest brother died back in 2003. I was told fairly quickly but couldn't get a flight that would get me back in time for his funeral. It is something that bothers me to this day. I wish I could have been there but it just wasn't possible.

2 years ago my mother almost died. Luckily, I had a great boss (and a great friend who could cover for me) and I went home for 2 months.

I am lucky that I come from a big family. My brothers and sisters are there for mom and each other. But I still feel guilty when something happens and I am not there, can't make it there, or get there late. And powerless to do anything. Guilty and powerless. Not good feelings as they tend to lead to depression .

I have also been lucky to have some good friends (foreign and Korean) here to help me get through the bad times. I could never have survived this long without them. I don't know how someone could cope without that kind of support system. I hope everyone has that kind of support.

The Christmas season always makes me think of family. This happening made me think even more. I guess I will stop now before I get all maudlin on you.